Smiling at him, I said, “Let’s go, then.”
Winking at me, we headed over to the front door of his house. Letting go of my hand, Gabe pulled his house key out of his pocket. After he unlocked the door, he said, “After you.”
Looking towards him, I smiled and whispered, “Thank you,” under my breath. Turning to my right, I saw the living room. I had been there before. Many times. We had done stuff on that couch. Touching each other and exploring one another’s bodies. We’d cuddled up on the couch and made out. But we’d never made love before. Until now.
Taking in my surroundings, I see this place differently. The way the warm vanilla candle permeates the room. The way the heat from the furnace is always just right. How there’s always a light on in the kitchen and you feel at home. I’ve never fully appreciated this house until now.
I don’t know. Maybe it’s just me being weird. It’s not like I want to be one of those girls who wants everything to be perfect. I just want to remember it. All of it. I know it won’t be like one of those grand memories. It’s a first for both of us, so it will probably last five minutes. If we’re lucky.
Gabe and I haven’t even had sex and I already feel different. It’s not like I feel older. It’s more like my senses are heightened and aware. I don’t know if Gabe will be the last person I ever have sex with, but I definitely know I want him to be my first. I may look back on this years from now and think it was a mistake, but only for a second. I know that with Gabe I made a choice. And I chose him.
Choices are something you can’t change, and to be honest, I think if we could, we wouldn’t. At least I wouldn’t. I truly believe everything happens for a reason. We learn from it. We grow. And with Gabe? I fell in love.
Will I tell him tonight? No. I don’t want to ruin the moment. I think losing your virginity is already a pretty big step. But to pull the love card is over the top. I know Gabe feels the same way. At least I hope so, but for now? I’ll just keep that secret mine. After all, I only admitted it to myself about a minute ago.
This whole night really has been life changing. Prom night. The night of bullshit and corniness. Well, for me at least. I chose someone and am doing something that I won’t regret.
Choices can be beautiful or extremely regretful. There’s no middle ground or grayness to it. It’s either big and grand or disastrous and ugly. There are many choices I’ve made with Gabe that I’ve regretted. Well, actually? Pretty much all of them, to be perfectly honest. But in the long run, with this moment? This night? “Not possible,” I whispered under my breath.
“What, Sarah?” Gabe asked behind me.
Turning around, I noticed Gabe had closed the door and was standing with his back against it with his hands in his pockets. Smiling at him, I said, “Nothing, Gabe.”
Walking over to me, Gabe leaned in, and as he spoke, his lips touched mine. “If you’ve changed your mind, Sarah, I’ll understand.”
“No!” I screamed. I giggled. “I mean no. I didn’t change my mind, Gabe.”
“Good,” he whispered against my lips. Pulling back, he looked into my eyes. “I still would’ve understood, Sarah.”
“I know,” I said with a smile on my face. “I know.”
Smiling down at me, Gabe asked, “Do you want to get a bath?”
“Okay,” I said as I nodded my head.
Leaning in to me, Gabe kissed me on the forehead. “Follow me,” he said as he grabbed ahold of my hand.
As we walked up the steps, I could feel the nerves. I had seen Gabe naked before. He had seen me naked. But tonight was going to be different. He was going to be inside of me. Somewhere no one else has ever been before.
Walking up the stairs, Gabe pulled me behind him into his bedroom.
“I thought we were taking a bath?” I asked.
“We are,” Gabe said as he smiled at me. “I’m just going to start the water and then I’ll be back,” Gabe said as he sat me down on the bed and walked out of the room.
Once I saw him leave my view I looked around at his room. Somewhere I had been several times before. We’d cuddled up on this bed. A bed with significant amounts of pillows and a navy blue blanket. There was his dresser filled topped with all of his baseball trophies. There was his closet with his clothes spilling out of it and a hamper with dirty clothes falling out onto the floor.
Pushing myself back onto the bed, I laid down on the pillow and looked up at the ceiling. A ceiling that we had covered with plastic glow stars. Memories started to come back of that night. The night Gabe had taken me to look at the stars and showed me all the different kinds. Where we had our first kiss—and an amazing one at that!
Taking ahold of one his pillows, I rested it on my chest and held onto it. Sucking in a breath, I slowly let it out.