“Good,” Maddie said eagerly. Perhaps she could convince him to be sympathetic. He would agree that no one should be forced to pay a lifelong price for youthful folly. “And what was your foolish choice?”
“I joined the army,” he said. “More than ten years later, I’m not through paying for that choice. Most of my friends paid with their lives.”
She bit her lip. When he put it that way . . .
“Please try to understand. If you read my letters, you must believe I took no pleasure in lying. It simply mushroomed beyond my control. I’ve wished so many times that I’d never said anything.”
“You’d take it all back?”
“Yes. In a heartbeat.”
She thought he flinched a little at her eagerness, but maybe it was just her imagination. She had a well--established surfeit of imagination. Particularly when it came to men in kilts.
“If you want to take back your lies,” he said, “then you should marry me.”
“How do you reason that?”
“Think on it. You wrote letters to your Scottish intended. I received them. Those are the plain facts, are they not?”
“I suppose.”
“Once you marry me, none of it is a lie,” he pointed out. “It will be exactly as though you’ve told the truth all these years.”
“Except for the part where we love each other.”
He shrugged. “That’s a minor detail. Love is just a lie -people tell themselves.”
Maddie wanted to disagree with that statement, but she wasn’t sure she could make a convincing case. Not from personal experience, at any rate.
And despite herself, she was growing intrigued. “What kind of arrangement are you suggesting?”
“A simple one. We marry for our own reasons, as a mutually beneficial arrangement. I get the property. You’ll get your letters back.”
“What about . . .” Her cheeks warmed with a blush. “You know.”
“I’m not sure I do know.”
He knew what she meant, the rogue. He just wanted the amusement of making her say it.
She forced the words out. “What about marital relations?”
“Do I mean to ravish you, you mean?” He lifted a brow. “The marriage must be consummated. But I’m not interested in children.”
“Oh. I’m not interested in children, either.”
That wasn’t precisely true. Maddie loved babies. But for one reason and another, she’d long given up on the idea of motherhood for herself. It wouldn’t be much sacrifice to jettison the last raft of hope now.
“So just one night of consummation?” she asked. “And no emotional involvement whatsoever.”
He nodded. “We’ll only need to live together for a few months. Long enough for me to establish ownership of the place. I’ll build some cottages, put crops in the ground. Then you’re free to do as you please.”
“You mean leave? What would I tell my family?”
“That we’re like any other -couple who married in haste and then found themselves reconsidering, wanting to live apart. It’s not uncommon.”
“No,” Maddie admitted. “It isn’t uncommon. In fact, that wouldn’t even be a lie.”
Her head was spinning.
The idea of marriage had sounded preposterous at first. But maybe this was the next--best thing to going back in time. Perhaps she really could take it back—-this ridiculous, impetuous tale that had taken over her life.
And, oh—-her heart pinched.
For the first time in years, she could visit her family without feeling like a fraud. This web of lies she’d spun had made it impossible for her to confide in anyone. She didn’t dare let anyone too close.
The loneliness had worn on her. Most dreadfully.
And when she wasn’t visiting friends or family, she could stay in the castle and continue her work in peace. Captain MacKenzie would be busy managing the lands. She only needed to share a bed with him the once.
She stole a glance at his bare legs.
Perhaps that bedding part wouldn’t be entirely terrible. At the least, she would have the chance to satisfy a few matters of curiosity. She spent her days waiting on lobsters to have intercourse. Naturally, she’d wondered about the human equivalent from time to time.
“I need your choice, lass,” he said. “Will you be marrying me, or will I be forwarding all these letters to the London scandal sheets?”
She closed her eyes for a moment. “Do you promise me that no one will ever know the truth?”
“I swear they willna know it from me.”
“And I will be free to continue my own interests and pursuits.”
He nodded. “You have your life, and I’ll have mine.”
Maddie felt dizzy, as though she were standing on the edge of a precipice. She took a deep breath, gathered her nerve . . . then jumped.
“Very well, I accept. We can be married as soon as it’s practicable.”
“Practicable?” He laughed. “This is Scotland, lass. There’s no need to wait for banns or be married in a kirk.”
“But you promised no one would suspect the truth. That means you must appear to be fond of me, at least at first. I think if you were truly my Captain MacKenzie, and we’d waited all these years to be together, you would want me to have a proper wedding.”