Chapter 15
"I'm far from perfect." I smile broadly. "Very, very far."
"I chose you for my show because you're perfect. Everything about you speaks to me in that way." It's meant to be a compliment. At any other moment, I'd completely absorb it that way. I want to absorb it that way. I want it to bear the meaning that it's meant to but it doesn't. The words are clouded by the fact that he made a conscious decision not to make love to me when I was tied to his bed; my body was literally dripping with wanton and tangible desire for him.
"If I was perfect you would have f*cked me," I say clearly. The words sound brash and violent coming from my lips. There's an undeniable attack within them. It's not directed towards him as much as myself. The rejection that I felt that night mirrored what I'd been feeling for weeks after my lover in Paris chose to unhinge me emotionally by tricking me into seeing him with the woman who owned his heart. His public display of affection destroyed all of my self-esteem and being denied Noah's body had only multiplied the emotional impact of that tenfold.
"I couldn't f*ck you." He reaches across the bed to cover my hand with his. "I couldn't let myself do it."
"Why?" My voice is cracking because everything inside of me is suddenly off balance. I had vowed not to bring this up with him. I had promised myself that I wouldn't dwell on it and instead would show up, pose and get the hell out of his life.
"One taste of you unravelled me completely. If I would have f*cked you that night that would have been the end of me."
"You're too dramatic," I say half-teasingly. I want the room to have more air. I need to have more space to think and feel. "You didn't f*ck me because you wanted to take my picture."
"No." He slides his body from the floor into the bed next to me. "I didn't f*ck you because I'd never let you go if I did."
"You're a horrible liar." I push myself to the very edge of the bed to try and gain distance from him and his sudden pronouncements of unending desire for me. What the hell happened when I fell asleep?
"I want you so badly, Alexa." His tongue darts across his lips as the words flow from them. "I really want you."
"You want me?" I push my ass even closer to the edge. I'm about ready to tumble out and onto the hardwood floor. "You don’t actually want me, Noah."
"I do." He edges closer. I can feel the warmth of his body radiating against mine.
I'm inches away from falling into him and his lips. I have to pull myself together and get out of here before he decides he needs money shot for his gallery show next week.
"I can't do this." I press my hand against his rock hard chest. "We can't."
His arm leaps beneath the sheet to circle my waist. "Give me a reason why."
"You're playing me." I want the words to sound simple and straightforward. I want him to know that I realize that along with great picture taking skills, he's a master of manipulation.
"No." His hand traces a path across my bare hip. "I'm not playing."
"You don't f*ck your models." I repeat back word-for-word what he said to me right before I signed the contract stipulating that he could take as many nude photos of me as he pleased.
"You said you break rules." The question floats across his lips with a raised brow. "Tell me that you don't want to know what it's like to feel my cock inside of your body, Alexa. Say it."
I lick my lips as the mention of his dick. He knows that I want it. My body has betrayed me endlessly since we began this wickedly tempting dance that he calls a photography project. "You know I can't say that."
"Tell me what you want." His eyes are focused completely on my mouth. "Say it, Alexa."
"No." I shake my head slightly. He wants me to confess that I want him right now. He wants me to utter the words and then he's going to grab his camera, take a round of photos and send me on my way.
"Did you f*ck another guy the other night when you left here?" he asks, his eyes boring into mine. "Did you leave here and take another guy into your bed because I didn't f*ck you?"
"That's none of your business," I spit back.
"I can't stop thinking about f*cking you, Alexa." He shifts his body effortlessly so he's almost above me now. "I really want to f*ck you."
"You're going to get me all worked up." I push my hands into his arms. "When you do you'll take another picture of me."
"I won't touch my camera until you come."
Now there's a promise that I wish I could bet on. I stare at his face, soaking in the chiseled features. His nose is slender, straight and strong. His jawline is uncompromising and full. The scar that weaves a path down his cheek is unmistakable, even though he hasn't shaved in days. He's beautiful, marred and completely unreadable.
"Let me have you." His voice is deep, dark and filled with a need that I feel within my own body. "Let me f*ck you, Alexa. Now."
My mind screams at me to stop, my heart tells me that this can't end well but my body…my body slides over his as I give in to what we both need, want and have to have.