I woke up in the hospital two days later. I’d had major surgery for a blood clot pressing against my spinal cord. There were beeping machines and tubes and worried faces everywhere. Doctors muttered phrases like “unusual presentation” and “wait and see.”
It took everyone a while to realize that the midnight trip I’d made into my parents’ room had been the last time I would ever walk unassisted.
At one o’clock, Hartley appeared in the doorway to my room. “Hi there,” he said.
“Hi.” My voice sounded small and underused.
“It’s almost time to go to the pool.”
I didn’t want to have a big teary talk, or explain. I just looked away.
He came in anyway, and my brother tensed, looking just on the verge of telling him off. “Callahan,” Hartley said quietly. “I need a few minutes with Callahan.”
With an ornery grunt, Damien got up and went into the common room. I heard the TV come on as Hartley dropped a gym bag on the floor in front of me. “Can I walk you to the gym?”
“I don’t think I’m going,” I whispered.
“Well, I think you should,” Hartley said, sitting down on the bed. He put his arms around me, and I let him pull me in. I buried my nose in his shoulder and inhaled. “The others are waiting for you. Even if it is January fifteenth. It’s a shit shoveling kind of day.”
“Don’t I know it,” I murmured into his chest. His arms circled tighter, and we just sat there for a minute holding each other. I could really get used to this.
“There’s something I’ve been working on, and I wonder what you’ll think.” He leaned over, pulling an envelope out of his gym bag. He unfolded a single piece of paper, handing it to me.
It was a letter, addressed to a Hollywood name I’d known for years.
Dear Mr. Kellers,
I don’t have any idea what you’ll choose to do with this letter, but I know I had to write it. For too many years I’ve tried to pretend that it doesn’t bother me that we haven’t ever met, or that you would rather not say my name out loud. But now I realize how many choices I’ve made hoping that you’d approve. I’m a junior at Harkness College. I got into this school without listing your name on the legacy part of my application. I’m a hockey player. My grades are decent and I’m majoring in political science.
I’ve had a tough year, including an injury that kept me away from my sport. With a lot of extra time on my hands, I’ve had to slow down and figure out what’s really important. And I realized that the weight of your rejection is something I’ve been dragging around for my whole life.
Sir, I think you should meet me. I’m not going to ask you for money or even a public acknowledgment that I’m your son. I can’t force you to look me in the eye, but I can raise my hand and let you know that it matters to me. I’m asking now so I can stop wondering whether or not you would have said yes.
Sincerely,
Adam Kellers Hartley
I looked up at him, blowing out a breath. “Wow. Your middle name is his last name?”
He nodded. “Would you send this, if you were me?”
“I would, Hartley. It’s a brave thing to do.”
“Meeting him wouldn’t be easy.”
I shook my head. “That’s not why it’s brave, and I think you know that. The harder thing will be if he doesn’t answer. If he lets you just twist in the wind.”
Hartley flopped back on my bed. “Yeah. But I’m sick of wondering. I want to make my peace with the question.”
I put my hand down on his shapely stomach. “Then mail it. It’s a good letter.”
He caught my hand, his thumb stroking my palm. “Let’s make a deal. I’ll mail the letter on the way to water polo.”
I squirmed. “See, it was nice there for a minute, talking about your problems instead of mine. Will you think I’m a wimp if I don’t go to the game?”
“There is nothing you could do to make me think you’re a wimp.” He sat up and brought my palm to his lips. “But I still want you to go.”
“Can’t I just wallow? Just once?”
“Wallow tomorrow. Water polo first.”
“Why?”
He grinned. “Because I told Daniel I’d play goalie. And I’d really like you to witness my greatness.”
“You did? Just because of my funk?” I couldn’t help but smile. “Are you sure that’s a good idea? What if you jam your leg?”
“Don’t baby me, Callahan.” His dimple made an appearance.
I kissed him on the nose. “You are a manipulative, evil boy.”
“I’ve been called worse. So where do you keep your bikinis?”
I shook my head. “We’re going to have to forfeit anyway. Even if I show up.”
“Not true! I convinced Dana and Bridger to play too. I told them you shouldn’t be alone today, that you need your friends around you.”
My heart skipped a beat. “Really? And they’re going? Even Dana?”