“Go into the light, Paine Garrett.” It was a command now, no longer a request, even though my voice was quaking. “Pass through it. It’s time to go home.”
He pivoted away from me, still shaking, trying to fight although it wouldn’t work. Now he was trapped, snared by Heaven, enraptured by it. I was stunned when he broke free just long enough to look at me.
“You have to take care of each other.” His gaze darted to Disco. “Watch over him until I return. I’m binding you to your word. Swear it.”
I felt a warning there. What would happen if I couldn’t watch over Disco? Would there be penalties? Was it dangerous to make a promise to a departing soul? I shook myself, bringing my attention back to the moment. Paine couldn’t come back. Once gone, he would never return.
“I swear.” It wasn’t a lie; I would take care of Disco if I had the opportunity. Then, because I hated myself for forcing him, I said what I always should have, what needed to be said in the bedroom when he and Disco had started a conversation they never got to finish. “I wasn’t fair to you. I should have told you how I felt. How much you mean to me.”
“I knew,” he responded, softening toward me, sadness taking the place of anger. “I always knew.”
“Please don’t hate me.” I’d made the request once, but I had to do it again. If I survived the night, I couldn’t live with his hate. I didn’t want to consider such a thing.
“Don’t think this is ending.” His words were shaky, his feet guiding him away from me. “I meant what I said. This isn’t over. You’re not rid of me so easily.”
This isn’t over. You’re not rid of me so easily.
I knew that he meant it, although it was impossible.
“I love you. Goodbye,” I breathed, a lump in my throat, an invisible hand crushing my heart. More grief, something shattering in my chest, my tears no longer winding in trails down my cheeks but flowing in heavy streams.
“Who are you talking to, ghost purveyor?” Revenald snarled. “Matthew and your deceased lover? Are they ready to burn? Are the two of them dancing in flames?”
“Go now.” While you still can. While I can still make you. “Go.”
My necromancy flared, no longer passive as I forced Paine’s spirit to my will. The bastards in the room wouldn’t hurt him again.
Not if I had my fucking way.
I ignored Revenald’s questions and taunts, watching as Paine presented me with his back and started making his final journey, informing me as he crossed to the other side, “This isn’t over. So help me. This isn’t over, Rhiannon.”
He was breathtaking—tall, proud, and unbreakable. Even in his final moments, he remained a man who wouldn’t back down, an individual who lived and died by his own rules, sustained by his own decisions.
The pain was unbearable, pressing down on my chest, so that I couldn’t breathe. God, it hurt. So bad, so deep. As though my soul had been severed, a piece of me lost forever, amputated so that it would never heal. I realized it was the mark between us—gone and never to return. I hadn’t realized how much peace Paine brought me, how much I needed him.
I gagged as other thoughts flooded my mind.
I’d come back to save Disco and had lost Paine. Had Paine been wrong? Was it my actions and not Disco’s influencing the future? Was this the ripple effect? Was I destroying everything I touched? Like Paine’s beloved dog, whose reversal of death changed the lives of those in his path...was I destined to kill everything I loved?
Was this all because me?
When I finally managed to draw in a deep breath, I screamed. The shrill wail was a rallying cry to Heaven to welcome the new angel walking through their gates, a farewell to someone I didn’t want to let go, and a warning to my enemies that while I might forgive, I would never, ever forget.
Chapter Fifteen