Paine didn’t move or speak for several seconds. Then he moved closer to Disco, until they were chest to chest. “Don’t push her any more than you already have. She saved your life and will eventually suffer for it. She deserves better.”
I considered informing them that I was standing right there until Paine’s words reminded me of my action’s consequences. He’d warned me something awful would happen since I’d fucked with fate. Disco was supposed to die, and I’d prevented it. To keep a balance, I’d have to endure something to teach me the error of my ways. For Paine, it was the loss of a beloved pet that gave him the only companionship he’d known in years. As for me, well, I was still waiting to find out.
Disco nodded and Paine pivoted to me. “I’m only a phone call away. If you need me, don’t hesitate.”
I smiled, but it was forced. “You got it.”
Paine took a step back, bent down, and scooped Goose into his arms. I wanted to shift my feet, move away, or find some reason to leave. Avoiding Disco had been easy when he’d attempted to call me or visited the club. All I had to do was let his calls go to voicemail or duck into the storage room behind the bar. Now there was nowhere to run and nowhere to hide. Disco remained where he was until Paine exited the house with Goose. It took every bit of my willpower to keep my feet planted as he came closer.
“Forgive me.” I knew Disco would never beg, but those two words came pretty damned close. “I never should have done what I did. I’ve regretted it every single day since you left.”
My heart skipped a beat and I closed my eyes. “I know.”
“Then why haven’t you returned my calls?” He was so close I could smell the tantalizing fragrance of cinnamon and cloves. “Why haven’t you allowed me to make amends?”
I opened my eyes and met his gaze. He’d stopped mere inches away, close enough for me to touch him. There was no chance in hell that I’d tell him I’d listened to every single one of the messages he’d left because I couldn’t deny my need for him. Like a lovesick girl, I’d replayed each voicemail on nights when the loneliness was too much to bear. When I woke from dreams of the times spent in his arms before everything turned to shit, it was his voice I wanted to hear.
I miss you.
I’m sorry.
All I want is another chance.
I’m asking for forgiveness, even if I don’t deserve it.
Call me, Rhiannon. Please.
At times, even if I couldn’t stop myself from picking up the phone and listening to his soft, alluring baritone, I hated myself for it.
“Because I don’t know if I want to,” I said, tearing myself from the memory of his voice and the words I wanted to believe. “I don’t know if I can trust you.”
He started to reach out to me. Then, as if he remembered my previous reaction, he yanked his hand away. “You still think I’m no better than him, don’t you?”
Him being my former foster father. The pedophile had ruined my childhood and destroyed my foster sister. I’d never thought another man could come close to inflicting the harm that Ray had upon me, until Disco used his ability to break every barrier in my mind and force me to relieve every moment I’d endured while living under Ray Shaw’s roof.
“I don’t know what I think.” I stepped past him to start collecting the items Goose had brought into the house.
I’d just grabbed the head and body of the dead cat when Disco asked, “Do you still love me?”
Due to our connection, he already knew the answer. I was aware on some level that he wanted to hear it aloud, to know how I felt with absolute certainty.
“You know I do, but it’s not that simple.” I stood and walked to the cage to place the cat inside.