We were on the road again. I hadn’t spoken a word to Everett since calling him an a*shole, for the twentieth time. He was stupidly singing along to music again. I knew he was trying to get under my skin, but he’d succeeded long ago. He lived under my skin. And he made it go wild whenever he was near.
I stared at the window at the surrounding landscapes. “Where are we going?” I couldn’t keep my mouth shut any longer.
“Vulture Mine,” he answered, tapping on the GPS. “We’re about an hour away.”
“It’s a ghost town?”
“Yes. I was going to go to another one on the other side of Phoenix, but it was more of a tourist trap. I wanted a real place. Not with shows and entertainers.”
I frowned. “Is it a ghost town if there are people working on it, even for tourism?”
“Don’t be so judgy, Parker. It’s still a ghost town, but it’s not what I want.”
“Why do you enjoy lecturing me so much?”
“I don’t enjoy it necessarily, Parker.”
“And why do you use my name so often?”
“Would you prefer me call you ten below zero?”
I glared daggers. “Why do you think I’m so cold?”
Everett turned down the music. “Because you are.” His looked at me briefly. “You resist touch, as if the warmth of another human touching your skin will thaw you out too much. You harden yourself to experiences. You don’t say nice things. You inflict pain with your words. You do these things to push people away. You’re cold. Ten below zero cold.”
I let that percolate a bit in my brain. “I’m on this trip with you. I had sex with you. Therefore, I’m experiencing new things and allowing another human to touch my skin.”
“Well don’t romanticize this situation, please, that would be too much.” He was angry. I could hear it in the bite of his words.
Confused and annoyed, I threw up my hands. “What do you want me to say?”
“After we had sex, did you willingly come into my arms, or did I have to pull you to me?”
I rewound my mind back to that moment, when he tugged me close. It’d been nice. But I would have never initiated it. “You tugged me.”
“Is that how you live your life? By people forcing you out of your comfort zone? Why not willingly put yourself in situations that make you uncomfortable?”
“Why would anyone do that?” Our voices were getting louder, taking up space in the Jeep.
“How do you expect to understand anything if you don’t take a step out of your comfort zone, if you don’t embrace the scary?”
“I don’t need to understand anything.”
“Then you’re not alive. You don’t want to feel, you don’t want to connect, you don’t want to exist outside of that big head of yours. I should have told you that you were six feet under instead.”
“We don’t all have to live the way you think we should live.”
“Of course not. But what is living, really? Are you going to spend the next sixty years of your life alone? You’ll die in your sleep and no one will know, no one will care.”
I held up a hand. “Now wait a minute, Everett. You have no right to tell me how I should be living. You’re choosing to die.”
Everett swerved the car so quickly off the road that I had to grab onto the door and the center console. He unbuckled and was out of the car a minute later. I waited for him to round the car to my door like the last time, but instead he stalked away, out in the middle of nowhere, Arizona.
I watched him for twenty seconds before I unbuckled and followed him. When I was ten feet from him, he spun around. The look in his eyes stopped me in my tracks. I expected anger, rage. Instead I found grief. I opened my mouth to say something but clamped it shut a second later as he walked towards me.
“I’m not telling you how to live, Parker. I just want you to live. To enjoy however many years you have left to roam the earth. Do you think it’s easy for me? To tell my family I’m done? Do you think they don’t think I’m giving up?”
We were three feet from each other, dust swirling up around us from the wind and our movements to this spot in the middle of brush and sand.
“Why aren’t you fighting it, Everett? I still don’t understand.”
“Why aren’t you fighting, Parker? Fighting whatever it is that keeps you from connecting with someone, anyone. Keeps you from feeling, healing? When you can answer that, I’ll answer your question.”
“I don’t remember it, Everett.” Frustration filled my voice. “I don’t remember what happened to me. I don’t want to remember it. I’ve been in therapy. Every single doctor thinks my mind is protecting itself from the memory of that night. So why should I fight to remember something like that?”
“Because it’s holding you back. You’re so immersed in your indifference that you are missing out on everything out there in the world for you.”
“Why do you even care? Why bring me along on this trip?”
“Because,” he said, stepping closer to me. “That’s what I do. It’s second nature for me to care for people. It’s my job.”
“I thought you worked at a school.”
“I do. I’m a guidance counselor.”
Whoa. I stood completely still. A million things went through my brain. “You work with depressed middle school kids,” I said, remembering. I turned away, needing space to think. “You’re a counselor.”
“Well technically I’m not anything now. I was a counselor though, yes.”
I tried to sort through the mess of emotions I was experiencing. “You asked me along on this trip to cure me or something?”
“No.”
“Don’t lie to me, Everett,” I said, eyes wide with anger.
He shook his head. “I.don’t.lie,” he said through his teeth. “Don’t be an idiot. Do you think I ask every person I’m counseling to come on a road trip with me?”
“Then why? Why me?”
He walked towards me again, as if he didn’t think I could process what he told me unless he was in my face. “I don’t know, okay? That’s the truth of it. Sure, I’m stuck on you. But I don’t know why!” He ran his hands through his hair and yanked them out, doing this over and over. “You’re annoyingly observant, you like to argue about every single thing, and you go out of your way to push my buttons. But I’m still drawn to you. I don’t get it. You’re not my type, not at all.”
“What does that mean?” I asked, a little stung by that statement. My mind went back to pretty, perfect Charlotte and her perfect skin and hair.
Everett groaned. “I know what you’re trying to do. But it’s not what you think. I don’t go for women who challenge me on everything, much less challenge me at all. I’ve had a hard life, so I’m not naturally inclined to work on a hard woman.”
“I didn’t ask you to pursue me.” My defensive instincts kicked in and I took a step back.
Everett reached forward and wrapped an arm around my waist, bringing me back to him. “I know. You don’t play games. Well, not the usual games women play.” He wrapped his other arm around my waist pulling me tighter. I put my hands flat on his chest, ready to push him away. “You’re a bad actress anyway, so you’d suck at most of those games.” I rolled my eyes and pushed slightly. It was futile. The arms around my waist wouldn’t budge. “I like you, Parker. In spite of yourself and all your bad habits, I like you.”
“Ugh,” I said, pushing against him. “What happened to being nice? One of my rules?”
“I’m getting there. But you keep interrupting. One of your bad habits.” One of his hands slid up to my neck. I felt his fingers press into my skin there and I stopped breathing. “I like that you challenge me. That’s new. I like that you don’t go easy on me. I like that you question everything. I want you to keep questioning everything.” He brought his cheek to mine, so he was holding me like closely. Not quite a hug; he made sure there was enough distance to make me comfortable. “I like how you smell.” He nuzzled into my neck and my knees went a little weak at the contact of his facial hair on my skin. “I like seeing the fight in your eyes. I like seeing anger color your cheeks. I like hearing your breathing stop when I’m close to you, and I like feeling your heart pick up its speed in your chest when were close like this. I like that a lot, actually, the sound of your heart beating. So alive, a frantic mess of beats.” He kissed the skin behind my ear. “I like the feeling of you in my arms, the way our bodies align.” He moved his lips across my cheek. “I like watching your eyes close and knowing I’m the reason, the reason you’re feeling this.” He pushed his lips to mine and pulled back slightly. I felt his hands cradle my cheeks. One thumb brushed against my scar, but I kept my eyes closed. I was afraid to open them. “So those so-called bad qualities? I actually like them. It’s why I’m stuck on you. I want you to make me explain myself. I want you to get a rise out of me.” He kissed me again, longer this time. I wanted to drown in this moment, with Everett.
When he pulled back, he was still holding my face in his hands. I slowly opened my eyes. “I booked our hotel tonight while you used the restroom at the last gas station.”
“Okay?”
“No suite this time.” He searched my eyes before the side of his mouth lifted. “One bed. We’re going to have to share a bed tonight.”
I was surprised to find that I didn’t mind. Probably because I was itching to spend more one-one-one sans clothing time with Everett, especially after that kiss. So for once, I made it easy on Everett. “Sounds good to me.”
His eyes widened. It had to be shock registering on his face. “You’re not going to argue?”
I shook my head and brought my hands up his chest to link around his neck. “That actually sounds like a good idea.”
“Wow, you’re just full of high praise for me.” He laughed and pressed one more kiss to my lips. “Let’s go, explore the ghost town, and hurry to the hotel then. I’m feeling impatient.”