Asher’s eyes pop open not understanding why I am whispering another man’s name. I mentioned my brother vaguely yesterday but not his name. Just the casual mention of having a brother.
My heart is beating a million miles a minute. My lip trembles slightly. I try to keep it together. “Luke. I had a brother named Luke. Today is his birthday. At least, today would have been his birthday.”
Understanding crosses Asher’s face. His posture straightens as he leans forward and takes my face in his hands. “Emma, you don’t have to—”
“He was impulsive like you. Always down to go to the next party or jump off a cliff or drive across country with his friends just because he had a free week from school. Luke was really smart too. He wanted to be an architect. I like to think he would have made a great one.”
I take a deep, cleansing breath and continue. “Last winter, Luke was home for the holidays. Just after the New Year, my boyfriend, Parker, broke up with me. Luke was pissed. He said he never liked the douchebag anyway. His cure for a broken heart was to go out. So I let him take me.”
My eyes flutter closed at the memory. “I had ten too many shots of Fireball. Luke didn’t drink. When it was time to leave, I didn’t want to go home so we went for a drive.”
Images of snow covered roads and the inside of Luke’s car as he blared Kings of Leon from his radio flash in my mind. I didn’t comprehend how fast we were going and I certainly didn’t do anything to make him stop. I’ll never forget the look of his face as he tried to regain control of the car. Clawing, grabbing, desperate for control. He was frightened.
“When I woke up in a hospital room the next day, they told me my brother died at the scene. Said it was a miracle I was alive. I had major injuries but most healed. My hand, unfortunately, was crushed. The next day the doctors told me it would never work again. They said I was lucky they were able to salvage it at all. I told them they might as well have severed it.”
Asher’s thumbs rub the spot just under my eyes, catching the tears that are falling. I lift my gaze to his and see they are slightly red-rimmed as well.
I look into his eyes and say the thing that has been driving a knife through my heart for six months. “I killed my brother. If I hadn’t asked him to go for a drive he would be alive. Don’t you see I’m broken? I’m not perfect.”
Asher’s mouth finds my forehead and gives me a gentle kiss before pulling me into his chest. I like the way my body fits against his but I can’t go daydreaming about what could be. I am damaged and he can’t fix me.
“You are, by far, the most amazing person I have ever known,” he says into my hair.
I lean back and blink at him. Hasn’t he heard a word I said?
“How can you say that?”
Asher pushes my shoulders back and leans down slightly, putting me face-to-face with him. “Emma, in three days you had your heart broken, lost your brother, and your ability to play music. And you’re still here to tell the tale. I don’t know many people who would make it through a month, let alone six.”
He is giving me far too much credit. He doesn’t know what my family had to endure all this time. The doctors, the meds, the anxiety and worry over what I might do. The truth is, I barely made it through.
I look down at my hand and see that awful scar that takes up half my hand. “I hate this stupid scar. Not for how it looks. I hate how it reminds me of everything I lost. Everything I’ll never get back.”
Asher takes my hand and raises it to his lips, placing delicate kisses along every inch of the scar. My body pulsates at the feeling of his mouth on my most vulnerable piece of flesh.
“I want to try something with you but I need you to trust me. Do you trust me, Emma?” he asks and I look back at him, unsure of the truthful answer. I’ve already told him my darkest secret. Why not go further into the rabbit hole with him?
I nod my head yes. Numb to the fact I just bared my soul and he still wants to spend time with me.
I seem to have a problem saying no to Asher Gutierrez.