Apartment living takes some time getting used to. It sucks when I forget something and have to wait for the elevator to go back up and get it. The walk to work is nice, though, and having my own place affords me some much-needed independence.
A few days after I move in, Buck stops by to play video games. It’s his way of making sure I’m okay. He also brings treats.
“I wasn’t sure what you’d want, so I brought options.” He hands me a tray with a milkshake and a chocolate sundae topped with peanuts.
“That’s a hard choice. I’m gonna have to go with the sundae.”
Buck follows me into the living room, which is about six feet away from the door, and we lounge on my couch. I dive into my sundae while Buck sets up the Xbox.
“How’s it hangin’ these days?”
“Limp and to the left.” I don’t even crack a smile.
“That bad, eh?” He’s adopted some Canadianisms from talking to Sunny.
“It’s fine. I’m fine.”
“You keep saying that, but I don’t know if I believe you, Vi.”
“This one’s gonna take a while for me to get over, that’s all.”
“Look, Violet, I know you feel shitty, but Waters is a huge dildo. You can do way better.” His phone rings. He holds up a finger and answers it. “Hey, babe . . . I’m with Violet . . . no, no way.” He shakes his head vehemently. “I’m not telling her that. He’s a dick—sorry. I know he’s your brother—” He chews on a hangnail while he listens for a few seconds. “I don’t—okay, Sunny. I miss you, too . . .”
There’s another minute of back and forth, followed by an air smooch. “Bye, Sunny Sunshine.”
I make gagging sounds as he hangs up. I shouldn’t ask, but I can’t help myself. “What did Sunny say?”
“Nothing important. Let’s play something violent.” He hands me a controller and picks up his own.
I don’t argue or push for more information. It’s better if he doesn’t tell me.
“I know it hasn’t been long, but maybe you need to go on a date or something. Get out there and have some fun.” He’s trying to be helpful; it’s nice but not realistic.
“This is fun.” I gesture to the screen where Buck is running over a pedestrian.
“You know what I mean. Sometimes you need to get back in the ring and fight.”
I raise my eyebrow; a boxing metaphor for relationships is actually quite fitting.
“I know you’ve had some bad luck recently, but there’s this guy, he plays for New York, they’re looking at trading him—”
“Buck, I don’t want to date another hockey player.” I set down my controller so I can shovel more of the sundae into my mouth, uncaring of the suffering that will follow this frozen dairy heaven.
“Not all of us are dogs, Violet. Randall’s a great guy.”
“His name is Randall. How awesome can he be?”
Buck mows down a group of people playing road hockey. “He goes by Randy.”
“Even better. His name is another word for horny. Sounds perfect for me.” I’m not sure if I should laugh or cry.
It’s not Randall’s fault his parents named him in relation to horniness. I can’t even entertain the idea of dating anyone else right now. Besides, I could never get serious with a hockey player again, or a dude named Randy. I’d make thrusting motions every time I said his name. It’d be awkward.
“Wait a minute. Didn’t Alex get suspended for kicking the shit out of some guy named Randy?” I’m almost positive this is the case.
“That was Randolph Cockburn. This is Randy Balls.”
“Are you serious?” What’s with these guys with terrible last names?
“Yeah, why?” Buck, my perverted stepbrother, doesn’t connect the outlandishly pornographic last name with the first name.
“Randy Balls?” I burst out laughing. “You want to set me up with a guy named Randy Balls? Can you even imagine what would happen if we got married? My last name would be Balls. Violet Balls!”
“Huh.” He makes a scrunchy face. “That wouldn’t be so good, would it? ’Specially if you hyphenated. Hall-Balls.”
I continue to laugh until I start crying, which turns into hysterical, desperate sobs. I don’t want to end up as Violet Balls. I wanted to be Violet Waters—it sounds so romantic—and Alex ruined it all.
My life sucks Randy’s balls.
Buck has no idea what to do. He offers to go out and get more ice cream, but my stomach is already cramping thanks to my dairy intolerance.
“I’m sorry, Violet. I didn’t realize how serious you guys were.”
“It’s not your fault.” I swipe my tears away, but there are new ones to take their place.
“I introduced you to him. I should’ve stopped you from meeting up with him.”
“How were you supposed to know I was going to hook up with Alex? Besides, you tried to warn me. I’m too much of an idiot to take your advice, that’s all.” I believed he was a hockey whore in the beginning, and I still slept with him.
He flexes his biceps. “I can punch him in the balls if you want.”
“That’s kind of you to offer, but if I ever see him again, I want to do it myself.”