“Oh. Shit is right. Is that your dad?”
“Nope. My dad’s a dick. I haven’t seen him since never.” I don’t mean to impart that massive boulder of baggage truth.
“Huh. Well, my dad’s a dick, too. So we have that in common.” He pushes me forward. “We should go say hi.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“It’s cool. Just don’t moan my name or anything when you introduce me.”
“Your ego is its own country.” I take a couple of halting steps forward, figuring out what I’m going to say.
“Lily bird!” my mom gets up, her eyes darting behind me to Randy and then back, clearly wanting some kind of introduction.
I’m pretty sure telling her he’s the guy I’m casually boning who provides the best orgasms I’ve ever had isn’t going to fly. “Hey, Mom, so weird that you’re here right now. This is my friend Randy.” I motion between them. “Randy, this is my mom, Iris.”
“Randy. Hi! So nice to meet you.” She sticks her hand out.
He shakes it with the one that’s been inside me in the past hour. “Hi, Iris. Looks like I’m surrounded by all the most beautiful flowers.”
It’s a super cheesy line—like, poutine with double cheese and extra gravy—but my mom giggles like she’s fifteen. I roll my eyes, and Randy flashes me a grin.
“Holy shit!” the guy with my mom yells.
I’d almost forgotten he was here, thanks to the shitting of my pants over introducing Randy to my mom. At least she hasn’t recognized him as anyone important yet.
“Randy Ballistic?” Dude shoots up out of his chair and thrusts out his hand.
“Hey.” Randy takes it, and the guy—who I now realize is Tom, or Tim, or whatever his name is, all I know is I’m glad he’s wearing more than underwear this time—gives him one of those over-enthusiastic handshakes.
He continues to pump Randy’s hand so much that I almost expect Randy’s mouth to open and water to come splashing out. “Iris, do you know who this is?”
My mom lifts her shoulders in an apologetic shrug.
“This is Randy Ballistic. He’s a new forward for Chicago. He used to play for New York. That game on Friday was killer. You really showed your worth to the team.”
Her smile freezes. “You’re a hockey player?” Her tone makes it sound more like he’s committed a heinous crime.
“Uh, yeah. It’s cool if you root for Toronto. I won’t hold it against you. I used to play for them, too.”
“Um, I’d love to chat, but I have to start my shift.” I wave behind me to the counter, where no customers are currently waiting.
“I need to use the ladies’ room,” my mom says through gritted teeth. She threads her arm through mine, gripping hard as she steers me toward the back of the shop.
“A hockey player, Lily? What is wrong with you?”
I can’t deal with her now, so I need a cover story—one that’s plausible and no one can refute. “Relax yourself, Mom. He’s a friend of Alex’s. I stayed at Sunny’s last night, and Alex was home visiting. He brought a couple friends with him. Randy was on his way out the door and offered me a ride.”
“Oh, I’m sure he did.”
“Mom. He drove me to work. He’s nice.”
She stares at me hard for few seconds. “They all seem nice at first.”
I love my mom, but sometimes her hypocrisy is frustrating. “I need to start my shift. Is this Tom guy going to be at home when I get there tonight?”
“His name is Tim. Maybe. Probably. Why?”
“Can you please make sure he’s wearing more than underwear outside of your bedroom?”
She gives me a pinched look.
“I gotta go. I’m supposed to be working already.”
“We’ll talk about this later.”
“There’s nothing to talk about, Mom. It was just a ride.” I mean that literally and figuratively.
My mom goes into the bathroom, and I drop my bag in the manager’s office and rush to get my apron on so I’m out before my mom is finished in the girls’ room.
Randy and Tim-Tom are still talking. Well, Tim-Tom is talking, and Randy is nodding. Tim-Tom follows Randy to the counter and stops yapping long enough for Randy to order a coffee, one of the specialty kinds.
My stomach is in all kinds of knots. I need Randy to leave before my mom comes back, but based on Tim-Tom, that’s not likely to happen. I pass the coffee to Randy, along with a bag of cookies, and I try not to let him pay, but he keeps shoving the money at me.
He covers my hand with his, blatantly ignoring Tim-Tom’s rambling. My mom shows back up at the same moment Randy kisses me on the cheek and whispers, “Thanks for all the fun.”
My mom shoots laser beams from her eyeballs.
At least we’re in public and she can’t make a scene.
Chapter 16
Trainer Troubles and Other Problems
RANDY