I open my eyes, determined to persevere until I see the bottom. A few more papers remain on top of what looks like an envelope. My heart is heavy when I don’t find any other pieces of jewelry.
A receipt with my mother’s name on it catches my eye. It lists paid classes at a local nursing school connected with The Clinic. I pick it up to look closer at the writing and see James’ signature on the charge line. My heart stops. He paid for her classes. I look at the date and my blood grows cold. The day before my birthday. The day Tony killed my mother. A memory comes to my mind and I hear a voice I’ve blocked for months. Words I will never forget, no matter how many years go by.
“Marie, who paid for your classes and these books? Was it one of those bluebloods at the country club?”
James was the blueblood. Was he with her before me? Did he push Tony to pull out the gun and kill her?
I want to ask James, to his face, to see the flinch in his eyes when he knows I found out he knew her before me. But to do that would mean seeing him again—something I will never purposefully do in this lifetime. I may never know the truth this side of heaven. His scheming had no end until today.
I drop the receipt into the box and fall back on the bed in complete exhaustion. “I’ve had enough,” I say through my tears.
“What is it now?” Emma asks.
“Look inside the box. At the receipt.”
I lie flat and stare at the ceiling while Emma shuffles through the papers and gasps.
“He bought her classes?”
“Yes,” I say in the weakest voice. All my strength has vanished. I’m fighting the urge to sleep, to escape everything—to fade off into sweet darkness and wake up to find everything has been a bad dream.
“Wait. There’s a letter at the bottom.” It takes all the effort I can summon to peek through one eye. Emma pulls a white envelope from the box and holds it up. “It has your name on it and looks like a woman’s handwriting.”
A letter to me? I raise up on my elbows and look at the envelope. My breath hitches and my heart begins to race. My name is written in my mother’s handwriting.
A surge of adrenaline rushes through my veins as I pop up next to Emma. She offers me the envelope and I take it from her hand. I turn it over and see it was once sealed, but the flap is now torn and jagged. Someone opened it and I don’t even have to guess the culprit. He has stolen everything from me, why not this letter?
With a shaky hand and a big you-can-do-this hug from Emma, I hold my breath and open the envelope. I pull out the papers and try to press out the stubborn creases.
I flip to the last page and glance down at the bottom before I begin. It says, With all my love, Mom.
I swallow fear, worry, and a hopeful excitement. I’m a crazy mix of wild emotions, but nothing is going to stop me from reading the words written in black ink.
My dearest Harlow,
If you are reading this letter, I am no longer with you on this earth. The very thought makes my heart break into a million tiny pieces. I love you more than life itself and nothing will ever change that.
I’m sorry to have left you unexpectedly. Don’t forget you’re a strong, smart, and beautiful young woman. You will find your place in this world without me, because a light like yours shines for all to see. I’ve been watching it grow brighter and brighter with each passing year. You are everything I hoped and dreamed you would be.
I am looking down at you from heaven as you read this letter. I promise you, it’s true, and our connection will never be far. Remember that in times of trouble. No matter what happens in this world, you are loved, and deserve to be loved.
All your life, I’ve hidden a truth from you. I must beg your forgiveness for keeping it a secret, but I had no choice; it was taken away from me before you were born. I was a young woman about your age and in love with a man. A part of my heart will always belong to him, but he deceived me. I found out he was married the same day I told him about you. Yes, he was your father. This man I loved. You have his beautiful blue eyes and quiet strength—the two things that drew me to him.
He couldn’t let me have you, because his entire world would collapse around him. Or that was his excuse. He was a prestigious lawyer with a wife and two children I had no idea existed. I swear. I volunteered at the women’s crisis shelter and met him one day while he was there with a client. One thing led to another and we started a passionate affair. I didn’t know it was an affair at the time, though.
He was always gentle with me, until I told him about you. Then he changed into a beast and wanted me to get rid of you. He threatened to do horrible things to my family if I didn’t cooperate. Life ending things, so I couldn’t take the chance.