CHAPTER 39
A SHIVER OF power went through me, and I knew Ninu was gone. I held my breath in the silence that followed.
Kronos sighed heavily. “I’m not unreasonable, Kai. I do not wish for you to hate me. You are, after all, my daughter.”
I didn’t tell him that, after all their scheming, our relationship didn’t mean much. Especially since I couldn’t remember any of it. I wanted to ask if I would get my memory back, but the answer scared me. If I remembered, if I knew where I’d come from, would it change who I was now?
For the first time, the answers were within my grasp, and I couldn’t reach for them. Not without betraying Reev and Avan.
“I may not be fully recovered, but I don’t have need of my heir yet,” Kronos continued.
“You’re immortal,” I pointed out. “When will you ever have need of me?”
His eyes were cool. “I am the oldest of the Infinite, and immortality has grown weary. When I have decided it is time to rest, I will call on you. For now, you may remain with the humans. But the next time I come, you will be prepared to join me. And I will not be so charitable.”
I didn’t reply. He would just remind me of the control he had over the lives of anyone I cared about.
“For now,” he said, apparently taking my silence for agreement, “make your peace with your human bonds.”
I leaned back against Avan’s chest and felt his fingers against my waist.
Kronos gave me a steady look. I had the impression I amused him, but I couldn’t be sure.
“I have one final task before I leave,” Kronos added.
I waited for him to elaborate. He looked over my shoulder. I twisted around to stare at Avan.
“Avan?”
His knuckles brushed my cheek. “I know what you think I am. But I’m not mahjo.”
“Some humans,” Kronos said, “possess the ability to sense the Infinite. As one of them, and due to his affection for you, Avan was in a convenient position to be your guardian.”
I moved away from Avan, and he let me go. I looked between them, from Kronos’s stoic face to Avan’s guilty one.
“You knew? All along, you knew and you didn’t tell me?”
“I didn’t know all this,” Avan said, gesturing around us. “I told you I already knew what you could do, Kai. I knew you were special; and when Kronos came to me, I finally discovered why. But I wasn’t expecting any of this.”
“With Reev gone, you were the only person I thought I could trust, and you’ve been lying to me from the start.”
“I had to be able to protect you.”
“I knew you would need help, so I offered him a proposition,” Kronos said. “He made an adequate guardian.”
As furious as I was with Avan, I had to defend him. “Adequate? He saved my life.” Probably more than once.
Kronos looked down his nose at me. “Precisely.” Then he said to Avan, “You recall what I told you about your time?”
Avan nodded.
“Okay,” I said, lifting my hands. “Quit being cryptic and tell me what’s going on.”
“He asked me to keep you safe, and he gave me the power to do it,” Avan said. He rubbed the back of his neck, as if the admission embarrassed him. “But if I told you the truth, the deal would be off. In Etu Gahl, when I thought that was the end of your search for Reev, I wanted to tell you then.”
What if you could find out for sure? Avan had said that first night. Would you want to know?
Suddenly, I couldn’t catch my breath. “Why didn’t you?” I asked, overcome.
“Because Irra promised a way back into Ninurta, and I had to be there to protect you.”
“I can take care of myself.” I spat out the words. Not only had he lied to me, he hadn’t trusted me to keep myself safe.
“I know,” he said. “And I know what you’re thinking, but you’re wrong. You’re a strong person, Kai. I’ve always admired that about you. But anything could happen, and I had to be prepared for both our sakes.”
“How long have you known?”
“Since the day before Reev disappeared.”
“Did you know Reev would be kidnapped?” Rage swelled inside me.
“No,” he said, stepping close. His hand cupped my cheek. “I would have stopped it if I’d known.”
I believed him. I knew that Avan wouldn’t let anything happen to Reev if he could prevent it.
“As I said,” Kronos interrupted, “his affection for you worked in my favor. In order to protect you from whatever the Outlands and Ninu might place in your path, I froze his time. Any injuries he sustained would be temporarily revers—”
“I understood the risks,” Avan said softly.
I remembered Avan’s broken arm after our crash. Irra deliberately cutting him. The complications with drawing blood.
Reev’s blade laying open his chest.
I shook my head, staring at the base of his neck where his collarbones met. My anger ebbed as the memories came together. My hands found his shoulders, nails digging into his skin that was firm and alive. They couldn’t mean—
Avan tilted my chin so I’d look up at him. “Kai, I—” He paused, appeared to search for the right words, and then sighed and leaned forward.
His kiss wasn’t at all uncertain. I drew in a shuddering breath, taking the air from Avan’s parted lips and holding it. Everyone and everything else faded away as I lifted on my toes and kissed him back. His fingers trailed down my neck, gentle enough to make my chest hurt. His other hand lingered at my waist, his restraint evident in the way he gripped my hip.
His mouth moved desperately over mine, his taste against my tongue. I pressed closer, curling my fingers against his chest. His heart beat a frantic rhythm against my palms. I couldn’t remember how to breathe, but that was okay because Avan’s breath filled me.
He whispered against my lips, “I love you. You have to know that.”
All the words I wanted to say scattered. I could only hold on to him and nod. He pulled back so I could see his eyes, beautiful and sad and filled with emotions I wasn’t used to seeing there.
“I thought I knew how I felt about you,” he said, “when we were in the Alley. When I was convinced you saw me only as your friend. But now I know the truth.” He touched his forehead to mine, his dark lashes closing. “I love you, Kai. Which is why I can’t let you see this.”
Confusion made me frown, but his kiss and his words still burned inside me.
“Reev,” Avan said, drawing back farther. His hands fell away. “Can you take her?”
“What?” I reached out, but Reev took hold of me instead.
“Come on, Kai,” Reev said, his voice too soft. Too careful. I tried to elbow him off.
“What are you doing?” I demanded.
Avan said, “Kronos is going to release my time.”
“But that means—”
“You can’t watch this,” Reev said. My feet faltered. Reev’s hands were like manacles around my arms.
“Let me go!” I struck out at Reev, abandoning all my training and letting my limbs fly. A raging frenzy consumed me. This couldn’t be happening.
My strength was no match for Reev’s. He hauled me against him, his arm wrapping around my waist and dragging me toward the exit. Avan watched me go.
I shouted at Kronos, “If you do this, I’ll never join you!”
My fingers grappled against the threshold, but Reev peeled them loose with a quiet apology. He reached for the door.
I didn’t realize I was crying until the sob tore free. Stupid, stupid Avan—I took in the beautiful curve of his mouth, that drekking dimple, the warmth in his eyes. I had to make sure this image of him would remain with me always, seared into my mind.
He whispered, “Stay safe.”
Then Reev slammed the door shut, time hurtled forward again, and Avan was gone.