CHAPTER 20
G-10 CAUGHT UP to me in the stairwell leading to the dormitories.
“Kai, wait.” He reached for my hand.
I slapped away his fingers. “I don’t want to talk to you.”
“Wait.” He darted in front of me, forcing me to stop or bowl him over—or, more likely, hit his brick wall of a chest and tumble down the stairs myself.
I stopped and glared. What did he have to be upset about? “What?”
“Why are you really mad?” he asked, using his instructor tone. It made me want to hit him. “Because you don’t like that he doubts you or because you’re afraid he’s right?”
I already knew the answer, and judging by the shrewd look in his eyes, so did he. My shoulders sagged.
What if I can’t do it? What if Irra decided that the information Reev might have wouldn’t be worth the risk? I could leave Etu Gahl, but walking back to Ninurta wasn’t an option unless I wanted to be eaten by gargoyles or get lost in the Void. Again.
G-10 pulled me against the wall as a pair of hollows passed us in the stairwell. He greeted them with a smile before nudging me up the steps. “Come on. We shouldn’t talk here.”
He led me to the floor above my room and then down the hall to a door identical to all the other dormitories. Inside, however, his space was markedly different from my own drab, empty room.
On his cot lay a blanket that had been sewn from a mix of fabrics and patterns. A colorful, braided rug covered the stone floor, and a shelf ran along the wall, its frame weighted down with random bits of metal contraptions.
“Wow,” I said, crossing the room to get a better look at his shelf.
In one corner was a rusty box with two narrow, rectangular slots at the top and a short lever along the side. G-10 had stuffed a handful of colorful feathers into the slots.
“What is it?” I tried to read the words carved into the spotted metal, but they were too faded.
G-10 shrugged. “Some sort of appliance. I haven’t figured out the actual purpose yet. I found it while exploring some unused rooms around Etu Gahl.” He let me look over his odd collection for a moment longer before he said, “Kai, listen. I had to tell Irra. I can’t let you go if I think you’re going to get caught.”
I turned to face him. “You don’t think I can do it, either?”
“I do,” he said. “You landed a hit, but that was because I made you angry. I shouldn’t have to provoke you to get you moving properly.”
“I know,” I said, sinking to my knees on the rug. The colors were beautiful and the threads tightly woven. My fingers traced a purple thread. What was the point of having the gift to delay time if it couldn’t even help me find Reev? “I can’t leave my brother with Ninu. I can’t.”
G-10 dropped down next to me on the floor. “And you can’t save him without Irra’s help.”
“Drek.” I tilted my head back. I had to stop panicking. I hadn’t come all this way to fail now. I had to prove to Irra—and myself—that I could do it.
He sighed. “Look, if Irra cancels your arrangement, I’ll—”
“No. You won’t do anything. You won’t need to.”
G-10 smiled. “And why’s that?”
“Because I can do this,” I said. I would be strong enough. I was strong enough.
I returned to my room to bathe and change, and headed for the courtyard, where I knew Avan would be waiting. When I spread out on the grass with a wince, Avan insisted I see the medic, but I ignored him. If I let myself get hit, then I deserved to deal with the aftermath.
I closed my eyes, savoring the warmth. Everything in the courtyard, including me, seemed to stretch upward, reaching for that rare and cherished bit of sunshine. Eventually, I heard Avan lay down beside me, and his nearness was enough to make my breath grow thin. A twitch of my arm and we’d be touching. Seconds passed in silence before I cracked open an eyelid and glanced over.
He was watching me. The moment our eyes met, he looked away, his neck turning red from having been caught staring at me instead of the sky. I could feel my own blush rising hot in my cheeks.
I wanted to say something, but my mind had gone utterly blank. I felt aware of every blade of grass prickling my arm, of the cool air against my burning face. I stretched out my fingers and touched his wrist.
Avan cast me a sheepish smile. My heart jumped. Neither of us spoke.
We remained there until sunset. Then I peeled myself off the grass, joints and muscles aching, and we joined G-10 in the mess hall for dinner. My jaw still hurt and chewing food felt like torture, but I wasn’t going to let that stop me. G-10 had a lot to teach us, and I couldn’t give him any more reason to think I was weak.
Hina had spotted me in the mess hall a couple days ago and had since joined us for meals. She lugged her boyfriend over as well, but other than a couple of ambiguous grunts, he had yet to talk to us.
At the moment, he was spoon-feeding her soup. It was sweet. In a “What the drek?” kind of way.
“Irra wants to see you after dinner,” G-10 said to Avan.
“No one talks to Irra as much as you guys,” Hina said with a look that was part curiosity, part sympathy.
“Lucky us,” I said. “Why does Irra want to see him?”
Avan just nodded, his fingers fiddling with his eyebrow piercing.
I tapped my fork against my plate. “Well?”
“He didn’t say,” G-10 answered. He switched topics to his plans for tomorrow’s training, including bringing Hina in to assist with sparring. Then Hina brought up the various hobbies that the hollows had formed out of boredom, such as building scrap models out of the junk constantly popping up around the fortress. They drew Avan into a discussion about Grays and their construction as I mulled over what Irra might want with Avan. Would he give Avan the same warning he’d given me?
When Avan excused himself from the table, I gave him a halfhearted wave and watched him go. G-10 mentioned he had patrol duty in a few hours.
“Does that mean with the gargoyles?” I asked. With everything else going on, I’d almost forgotten about them. “Are they safe? Where do they live?”
He grinned, his blue eyes sparkling with anticipation. “I’ll show you. Come on.”
He rose from the table and bounded for the door. I had no choice but to follow him or risk looking like a coward. I waved to Hina and her boyfriend, who didn’t look up from his tray.
G-10 led me around a corner to a staircase that spiraled up and up into the darkness. The metal handrail wobbled, so I kept to the wall. The stairs were littered with paint chips and rust that had flaked down from the underside of the steps above. They creaked as we climbed, the sound echoing so loudly that it felt as if the whole structure was about to crash down around us.
To distract myself, I said, “Irra mentioned you’re the newest recruit.”
“Yep,” he said with a nod. “Ninu sent my team to the Void to scout out where Irra might be. We split up to cover more ground, and I got cornered by a group of hollows.”
“What about the rest of your team?”
His mouth dipped at the corners. He had a tiny beauty mark on the right side of his chin, and I found myself studying it as he talked. “They left without me. All sentinels work in teams of three, and we do pretty much everything together, so most of us grow close. I asked to be sent back to Ninurta to get them out, but Irra couldn’t justify the risk.”
Even though his teammates had left him behind, G-10 still seemed loyal to them. I wondered what he’d do if he had to face them in a fight.
“Why are you called ‘hollows’?” I asked. “You’re not exactly the empty shells I was expecting.”
“It’s supposed to be ironic,” he said. “Ninu’s sentinels are the hollow ones. Not us.”
I thought about Reev and prayed that wasn’t true.
“Do you remember much from before you were a sentinel?”
“Bits and pieces.”
He didn’t sound winded at all, even though we seemed to have climbed a thousand rickety steps. I, on the other hand, sounded like I had run the entire length of the Void.
“Ninu doesn’t remove our memories. He erects walls in our minds, locking away our memories a little at a time. Too much at once can be overwhelming and interfere with our training. It takes months. I was about two-thirds of the way into my cleansing when Irra took me. He hasn’t been able to break through the walls yet.”
“That’s awful,” I wheezed.
“We’re almost there,” he said, and pointed up.
I tipped back my head to see. He offered to carry me the rest of the way, but I chose to keep my dignity. Or what was left of it, anyway, as I practically crawled the last few steps to the landing.
G-10 walked over to a door, but I remained sprawled on the floor until my breaths slowed.
“You ready?” he asked.
“Ugh.” I forced myself to stand. My knees wobbled but held.
We went through a narrow passageway that ended abruptly in swirling gray mist. We were outside.
To be accurate, we were on the roof, standing at the peak of Etu Gahl. Surrounded by gargoyles.
I gasped, jumping, and collided with G-10. His hands came down on my shoulders to keep me from fleeing. His voice was soothing against my ear.
“It’s okay. Irra enchanted them. They’re completely tame. Except if there’s an intruder, of course. Which hasn’t happened yet, but we like to be prepared.”
I repeated his words in my head. It’s okay. They’re tame. No eating humans. I think. I imagined my fingers skipping along the threads, just in case.
One gargoyle slipped from the pack. Its tail swept in an arc across the stone as it neared us, its head raised and its eyes looking straight at me.
“Say hello,” G-10 told me.
“Can it understand?” I inched forward. They were obviously intelligent creatures.
“Irra says they can.” He moved past me and offered his hand to the gargoyle.
The gargoyle touched its nose to G-10’s knuckles, and then bobbed its head, its tongue flicking out to lick his fingers. It was almost . . . cute.
G-10 laughed, his whole face lighting up. “No, I didn’t bring you any scraps today. Just wanted to show Kai the nest.”
When G-10 smiled like that, his sandy hair blowing across his forehead, he could’ve been just another boy from the Alley instead of a trained sentinel. How old had he been when Ninu put the collar on him?
The gargoyle snorted, sounding disgruntled. I noticed something on its neck, half hidden behind its frills: a series of red lines carved into the leathery skin.
I reared back. “It has a collar!”
G-10 nodded. “It’s not like Ninu’s collar. It just allows Irra to communicate with them.”
“How do you know he’s not lying?” I looked around at the gargoyles sprawled across the rooftop. “How do you know he’s not putting his own brand on you when he removes Ninu’s?”
G-10’s eyes grew hard and distant. “I know what being controlled feels like.”
I pressed my lips together to keep from arguing further. Irra’s hollows certainly didn’t act as if they were being controlled. But did that mean the same for the gargoyles? How could you tell with animals?
G-10 pointed over my shoulder. “The nest is in there.”
I looked. A tall structure rose over the rooftop, its large opening spilling heaps of straw. Inside, sleek figures rustled about. They seemed tame, but whether that was a result of the collars or not, I still didn’t feel like getting any closer.
“Want to see more?”
“I’ll pass.” I slipped back into the passageway. The gargoyles were fascinating, and I liked seeing G-10 interact with one. But I still had the image of them stalking us through the forest.
As we headed for the stairs, I glanced at the back of G-10’s neck. “Could I . . . maybe look at your collar?”
He turned to face me. “Are you flirting with me?”
The laugh that burst from my mouth surprised me. “I wouldn’t know how.”
“And here I was hoping ‘collar’ was a metaphor for—”
“Hey!”
His smile was devilish as he said, “Kidding.” He presented me with his back. “Have at it.”
Rising to my toes, I braced my hands on his shoulders and peered at the tattoo. Reev had never allowed me such a close inspection.
The tapered rectangle shape wasn’t actually outlined. Instead, the overall design was created by tiny symbols. Geometric shapes with lines or arcs cutting through them. Half circles. Swirls and dots and sharp angles that twisted in all directions. The shapes must have been sigils or runes of some kind, but there was no pattern and no meaning that I could discern.
I brushed the pads of my fingertips against the tattoo. The raised skin felt unnaturally smooth.
“Weird, right?” G-10 said, his voice soft. He rocked on his feet, and my fingers tightened on his shoulder, feeling the lean muscles shift beneath my touch.
Suddenly, I realized how close we were standing. My breath rustled the hair above his collar. I stepped away, lowering my hands awkwardly to my sides. G-10 looked back at me.
Before he could say anything, I hurried past him and asked, “What’s Irra doing with all these gargoyles? And you guys? I mean, I know, revenge and all that, but why is he even here? Doesn’t this contradict the whole ‘don’t interfere with humans’ thing?”
G-10 followed me, and we began the long descent down the stairs. “I asked him the same thing when he offered me a place here. He said this was only temporary—just until Ninu left the humans and restored balance. He said that”—G-10 rubbed at the side of his collar, his footsteps light as we descended—“interference with the humans isn’t necessary because, eventually, we’ll find our way to the Infinite. All things wither with Time.”
G-10’s words stayed with me after he left me at the bottom of the stairs.
All things wither with Time.
It was kind of depressing, and I didn’t know what to make of it or what it meant about Irra’s decision to help us. I wished I could be certain of his intentions instead of relying on faith.
Either way, I didn’t want anything to do with Irra’s revolution. I would prove my determination to him, but once I saved Reev, my only concern would be how to keep him safe.
I made my way through a dim corridor, smiling politely at a hollow who passed. I’d memorized the paths around the mess hall and the dorms. Apparently, once the new additions to the fortress settled in, they stopped changing.
As expected, I found Avan in the courtyard.
“So what did Irra want?” I asked, dropping onto the grass beside him.
“Where’d you go?”
I noted his avoidance of my question, but I gave in for now. He would tell me eventually. I hoped.
When I told him about the nest, he wanted to see it for himself. He’d have to find G-10 to guide him, because there was no way I was climbing those stairs again. He agreed to wait until tomorrow to see the gargoyles, and we spent another couple of hours watching the stars in silence.
I could stare at them forever. They didn’t hurt my eyes the way looking at the Sun did. The school library held numerous books on stars and constellations, which meant people had once been free to study them. Now, nothing could penetrate the ever-present clouds except a special device that my school instructor had called a telescope. It was located in the White Court in what was called an observatory. I’d seen its dome during my routes through the barracks, but it was on palace grounds. I wondered if Ninu opened it for public use.
As my eyelids grew heavy, Avan nudged my shoulder. I rolled onto my side, toward the sound of his voice.
“Irra’s making us new IDs at the end of the week,” he said.
I nodded drowsily. “If he doesn’t call everything off.”
I told him about Irra’s warning.
“You’ll do great,” Avan said without a hint of doubt. “You’re a fast learner.”
I appreciated his words even if I didn’t fully believe them.
“Are you okay with getting a new ID?” I asked. Honestly, I wasn’t sure myself. My ID wasn’t just a proof of citizenship, it was proof that I—me, Kai Adahnu, not some fake identity—belonged somewhere. Of course, a scrap of metal and my name in a registry didn’t represent all of me, but my ID had always been with me. It was the only thing I had from my life before Reev, my only link to my past.
“He gave me the choice of returning home to my family.”
My mind went from sluggish to fully alert. I pushed up onto my elbow so I could see Avan’s face. As usual, it was maddeningly blank.
“I still have to get a new ID, but it wouldn’t belong to a cadet, just someone from the Alley.”
This might be Avan’s only chance to go back to the life he’d given up for me. But how would I—
I banished those selfish thoughts and gave him a smile.
“That’s great, isn’t it? You can go home. I mean, you’d have to be careful not to attract attention from the Watchmen, but you’ve always been careful about that.”
“What about you? If Irra gave you the choice—”
“No.” Without Reev, there was no going back.
“I figured,” he said quietly. “What do you think I should do?” His dark eyes watched me.
I lay down again. “Why are you asking me? It’s your choice.”
He didn’t say anything else, and I didn’t know how to fill the silence. After a few minutes, Avan stood and offered me a hand to help me up.
We went to his room. I had tried to drag my bed in here so we could each have one, but its legs were bolted to the floor. I wasn’t sure why. Maybe Irra didn’t like the hollows rearranging the furniture. So instead, I’d just brought the mattress and Avan used it.
Lying on my side, I reached over the bed, and Avan’s hand found mine. Even with everything on my mind, heat danced down my spine as warmth crossed from his fingers to mine. Not for the first time, I wanted to tug on his hand, to pull him into the cot with me.
I wanted him beside me the way we’d been that night in the Void. Close enough to feel his breath against my skin. The weight of his arm around me. Maybe this time I’d be brave enough to kiss him.
But I doubted it. I didn’t know how to kiss, and with Avan’s experience, I’d just embarrass myself.
Besides, I had no idea if he’d kiss me back.
Anyway, this wasn’t important, despite what my body was telling me. What mattered was why we were here, and I wouldn’t have made it this far without him.
“You should go home,” I whispered, even though it hurt to say the words. “You’ve done so much for me already. And you have a family, real parents. You should go home to them.”
Avan didn’t respond for a long time. I was almost asleep when he broke the silence.
“The night before we left, I got into a fight with my dad.”
I held my breath and didn’t move, afraid to interrupt.
“Actually, it wasn’t much of a fight since it was just Dad shouting. He told me I abandoned them when I moved out, and that was why Mom’s condition got worse.” Avan said it so casually, but I could hear the hurt beneath his words.
My fingers tightened around his. It’s not true, I wanted to say. You know that, right? But he wasn’t telling me this for sympathy. I clamped my lips together and remained quiet.
“Maybe part of why I left with you was to spite him. I wasn’t thinking it at the time, but now . . . Maybe this was the only way I could stand up to him—by doing exactly what he accused me of.”
I shifted on the cot, resting my head against the edge so I could see him. Avan lay on his side, facing me, our fingers twined in the space between us. I couldn’t make out his features in the dark, but my eyes traced his silhouette against the mattress.
I whispered, “Then you should go home and fix things. I’m sure they’re waiting for you.”
Avan didn’t reply.