“Jay, you seriously have to hook me up tonight,” Romeo pleaded from the back seat then leaned forward and wrapped his arms around my girlfriend. “It’s been like two weeks since I’ve indulged in the pleasures of female companionship….because Mommy warned me to keep it in my pants or else I’d be put in timeout.”
Jay Dee rolled her eyes and tenderly caressed his arms. “I’ll see what I can do, however my horny little vampire friend, you have to remember that I’m not the most popular person in the pack or the Lhaq'temish. I’ll point you towards the clean girls though. I don’t know if vampires can get crotch rot or saber tooth crotch crickets, but I’d rather you be safe than sorry,” she parentally told him.
Bloody hell! She did not just say just that!
Everyone was laughing, even Jay Dee was, but we were about to see how long her good mood would last once she saw her birthday presents.
“Duckie, will you be so kind as to close eyes and not peek?” I asked as we drove down her street.
She glared at me, causing those in the backseat to laugh again.
“Why?” Jay Dee demanded. “I shouldn’t have to close my eyes for a stupid MP3 player unless you got one as big as my house,” she pointed out.
Steffen popped his head between our seats. “Because he wants it to be a surprise, duh. Tanis is a very giving person. For our two century wedding anniversary, he gave us one of his island manors. I think he got tired of listening to me and my lovely wife going at it for days at a time.”
“Oh my god,” she groaned. “Ew. You didn’t do some weird Extreme Makeover Home Edition on my house did you? I’m so going to kill Jarvis.”
Huh, that is actually a brilliant idea.
“No. Perhaps for Christmas,” I said and smirked when she groaned again; Jay Dee knew better than to give me ideas. “Humor me, please.”
“Fine,” she groaned then stuck her tongue out at me and closed her eyes, covering them with her hands. “I swear I will kick your ass from here to Portland and back if you spent a ridiculous amount of money.”
Sadly, that does not surprise me.
“I see your beautiful lips moving, Duckie, however I have yet to hear anything come out of them,” I teasingly sang.
When I pulled up in front of her house, Steffen inadvertently whistled, eying the beautiful car.
“Stay and keep your eyes closed or Romeo shall assist you with the task.”
I was out and around the car before she could argue. I helped her out of the vehicle and up the driveway, where Jarvis had washed the car and put a big—ridiculously big—bow on the roof.
“Stop there,” I whispered and stepped back and cupped my bollocks in case she got physically violent.
Jarvis joined us, skipping down the front steps with a smile on his face.
“Okay, open them,” I said and took another step back...ten steps back; she was terrifying when narked.
Jay Dee huffed and opened her eyes. “Take it back,” she said curtly.
“No,” I said and backed up against my Range Rover, partially hiding behind Steffen who was shaking with contained laughter.
“You can’t be serious?” Jay Dee groaned and turned around.
Needless to say, she was surprised to see me hiding, as far away from her as possible, behind my cousin.
She laughed and shook her head. “Tanis, are you hiding?”
“No?” I said, though it was not convincing in the least.
Jarvis wrapped his arms around her. “Come on, Sis. It’s hot at hell...I got to drive it, and, I had to admit, I would totally do him for a gift like that. Okay, that makes me sound gay,” he said and laughed.
“Cowering vampire, get your ass up here,” Jay Dee huffed, then stomped her foot before pointing to the ground next to her.
I sulked up to her, with my bollocks cupped still, leaving my cousins laughing hysterically behind me.
“Happy birthday,” I offered and smiled wide, readying myself for her fury.
Jay Dee groaned again, and in a surprise move, wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me. “I am still kicking your ass for this,” she whispered. “Thank you, it’s beautiful.”
“So are you,” I informed her.
“You can stop cupping your balls now, I’m not going to hurt them.” She snorted, rolling her eyes.
Jarvis groaned then sniffed. “Wait. You two had sex!” he hissed.
“What?” Jay Dee gasped, and positioned herself between me and her irate brother.
“That’s the only reason why you wouldn’t have attacked or went off on him. You screwed a damn vampire!” he snarled at her.
She shrugged and nodded at the same time.
They started arguing under their breaths in that damn tribal language that I desperately needed to learn. She pushed him and he pushed her back, then they both stopped when I appeared between them, snarling at him.
“It would be in your best interested, Mr. Jarvis, if do not touch her like that again.”
Jarvis glared at me.
“It’s okay,” Jay Dee assured me. “That’s what siblings do...they playfully banter back and forth and shove each other. It isn’t a big deal.”
I nodded and stepped to the side of her, within reaching distance of her brother in case he did, in fact, attack.
“Damn it, Sis! Mom and Dad are going to kill you!” Jarvis whispered as he looked around to make sure that weren’t lingering about.
“No they won’t,” she snapped at him in a harsh whisper. “They won’t find out about it, just like they didn’t find out about the bail money I had to wire down to Las Vegas when you got into that fist fight with that transvestite. Remind me again, Bro, was it second or third base you got to before you noticed she had balls?!”
Romeo and Steffen fell into each other laughing.
I tried to maintain a straight face, but my shoulder heaved with contained laughter.
“Shh,” Jarvis growled. “You promised. And it was more like on the way to second base...sliding into second base I suppose, but I hadn’t gotten there yet.”
“Whatever,” she huffed and rolled her eyes. “He had hands like Andre the Giant and a damn Adam’s apple you could see from space! Either way, shut it. And thanks,” she whispered and kissed him tenderly on the forehead.
Jarvis shrugged, and when Jay Dee turned her attention to the car, he glared at me. “I’m going to kill you,” he mouthed.
I flipped him off.
“Stop it, before I kick both of your asses,” Jay Dee warned as she caressed the contours of the car. “Please tell me you didn’t pay retail.”
“I did not,” I assured her. “The interior is black, thus there is no need to fret about ruining the interior with grease from work since you are hell bent on working still.”
That was a Jay Dee worthy excuse. Honestly, it just happened to come with black interior.
She nodded and pulled the bow off of it, but to my disappointment, didn’t get in it.
“Do you like it?” I asked, fighting to keep the threat of rejection from showing on my face.
“Not at all,” she scoffed before she gave me that notorious Jay Dee you-just-asked-the-daftest-question-in-the-history-of-mankind look. “I love it. Are you ready to party?” she asked with a heavy sigh.
I nodded and my face fell.
“Screw it,” Jay Dee said before she started jumping up and down like a young woman who just got a new car for her birthday. She was rambling so fast about the engine and the specs that I couldn’t catch half of it. Jarvis had to pull her back when she attempted to crawl under the hood in her white dress—she promised the car they had a date to play under her hood later.
Honestly, that was the response I was hoping for, and it made me smile.
Jay Dee wrapped herself around me and kissed all over my face. “Thank you so much...it’s way too much, but I know that you aren’t going to take it back so I’ll just...thank you.”
“Surely you must know, Duckie, that there is simply nothing I would not do for you.”
She quickly nodded and wiped away the tear that had rolled down her cheek.
Eventually we made our way to the party. Jay Dee walked with her arms wrapped around her waist between me and Jarvis. I would have liked nothing more than to hold her hand, but the glares and rude comments flowing freely around us made it more than obvious that any type of intimate contact would cause an uproar and scandal.
Mum and Toran were sitting with Sky and Reign around the bonfire. They were talking like lifelong friends; Toran and Reign were speaking in hushed whispers that even my ears couldn’t pick up, while Sky and Mum were huddled together looking through a picture album, each wiping away tears more than once.
Children were laughing and playing, running around and wrestling. Younger teens were arm wrestling, grappling or leg wrestling while laughing and talking shite to each other. Women were flirting and laughing loudly while waving their bottles of beer through the air as they got into the story they were retelling.
I was conflicted.
On the one hand, I liked how at ease everyone appeared for the most part, and it made me think that it might be a slightly enjoyable night. On the other hand, the cynical side of Tanis, I felt as if I had stepped into a country music video. It wasn’t helping that Jay Dee put some worn brown cowboy boots on with her dress. She looked amazing, but they wouldn’t have been my first choice; she looked like a country girl in her simple white cotton dress, boots, and long blonde hair that was curling down her back.
“Hey, Sweetheart,” Sky beamed. “Do you like the car?”
Jay Dee shook her head. “No, not at all. It wasn’t frivolous enough for my tastes. There wasn’t a diamond on it anywhere.” She snorted, giving her mother a look. “Do you think? Oh well, I’ll just have to suffer through it. Do you need help with anything?”
Reign made a face. “Smart ass,” he mumbled under his breath.
“That is the prevailing opinion,” she and Jarvis said in unison before everyone laughed.
“Everything is taken care of. Go play...and be safe,” Sky said.
“Thanks,” Jay Dee said and kissed both of her parents, then motioned for us to follow her. “Why is your brother lingering in the shadows?” she whispered.
“Hmm?” I asked.
She motioned with her chin towards the woods, and sure enough, my annoying brother was leaning against a tree watching the festivities with a beer in hand in the shadows.
How in bloody hell did she know he was here?
“I never know,” I admitted. “d’Artagnan was not supposed to be here. Though you needn’t worry; Georgiana is staying in. Mum staked her and left her in the basement in a well overdue timeout.”
Steffen laughed. “It’s the perfect place for the little troublemaker. We’re really sorry that she tried to eat you.”
“What happen?” Jarvis asked.
Jay Dee shook her head. “It’s a lesbian thing,” she said and he nodded his understanding before looking at her with wide eyes. “Dude, it happens. I hear I’m a hot piece of ass in the eyes of the Ashtons,” she amusingly informed him.
“You are so wrong,” Jarvis groaned.
“Yup. I’m curious, Meat Head,” she said, turning to Steffen and he chuckled at the amusing pet name she gave him, “you mention staking, but isn’t supposed to kill you or something?” she asked and grabbed a couple of bottles of beer and passed them back.
He laughed; Hollywood and their overlyactive imaginations.
Romeo threw his arm over her shoulders. “Well, Birthday Girl, staking doesn’t kill us. It just puts us in a state of…well, I guess the best way to describe it is like a coma or vegetative state. The stake can’t be made of just any wood though; it has to be white oak or the few others of that particular species. It hurts like a bitch at first, and then you just kind of lay there looking at everything and everyone until they pull it out.”
“Sounds like your sex life,” she mumbled under her breath and I laughed.
Jarvis roared with laughter. “No toothpicks for you four.”
Okay, that was slightly amusing.
“Come on, fanged Romeo of Romeos, let’s get you laid!” Jarvis beamed.
“Hell yeah!” Romeo jumped up and down, excited like a little kid, before heading off with his werewolf wingman towards a group of girls.
Jay Dee groaned. “This isn’t good.”
“What do you mean?” Abigail asked.
“Romeo will do anything with breasts, and my brother likes old broads.” She shivered and made a gagging sound. “So needless to say, those two are going to be causing all sorts of trouble tonight.”
“You fancy older men,” I smugly reminded her.
“No I don’t...oh,” she groaned when understanding washed over her. “You’re old as dirt, aren’t you?”
Before I could answer, she pulled me back, sending me staggering backwards into Steffen, just as a black and pink haired girl flew through the air.
Jay Dee crouched down in time just as the girl sailed over her head.
“You may be older, Sis, but I’ll always be faster!” Jay Dee said with a chuckle.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, minor details,” the pink haired girl mumbled before she skipped towards Jay Dee. “So whatcha, or who’ve ya, been doing to get a bad ass car like that?” she asked.
The two hugged, Jay Dee was nearly a foot taller and the girl playfully buried her face in her cleavage.
“Damn it, Cain. Stop teasing me like that,” Jay Dee giggled—there’s a first.
It was stimulating, to say the least. Romeo would be narked if he knew he missed the show.
“And to answer your question, he bought it before I did him. Tanis, this is Cain, Yahto’s older sister. Cain, this is Tanis and his cousin, Steffen, and his wife, Abigail. They are of the vampire variety. Jarvis is playing wingman with Romeo somewhere around here, Romeo is anything but a Romeo, and there’s another lurking in the shadows, but he’s a total tool so I’d stay away from him.”
Cain’s pink lips twisted into a pout, and she shoved her black plastic glasses back up her nose. “Huh,” she finally said. “Carmine!” she called out. “How come I don’t get a damn BMW? You are a vampire after all,” she whined.
All eyes went to the hulking vampire crossing the dance floor with two drinks in hand. “Because I’m of the working variety, Woman. If you hadn’t noticed, they’re ancients,” he grumbled under his breath and shook his head.
She smacked him in the chest, giving him a warning look.
“Sorry,” he mumbled and handed her one of the drinks. “I’m Carmine,” he offered me his hand and I gave it a firm shake.
“Whoa, wait, what?” Jay Dee stammered before laughing, and then wrapped her hand around mine. Obviously she felt much safer in the company of the strange pink and black haired girl with the hulking tattooed vampire boyfriend.
Cain nodded. “We met at the club I dance at. Carmine’s a bouncer and, well, I’m just awesome like that, and one thing led to another. We’ve been together, what, like a year now?”
“Close enough,” he said, seemingly uninterested. “This place creeps me out,” he said, turning to me and Steffen. “Seriously, how in the hell can you stomach hanging out in this place?”
Steffen shrugged. “We just got here. We had to relocate fast, don’t ask...”
After that they were chatting it up like lifelong friends; both were into sports and electronics. Steffen had an uncanny ability to befriend anyone. Abigail rolled her eyes and started talking about shoes with Cain.
Jay Dee wasn’t interested in either discussion and kept looking around for something but I wasn’t entirely sure what.
“Are you well, Duckie?” I whispered.
She nodded and walked us to the edge of the dance floor which had started to fill with people while the band warmed up. We sat on one of the makeshift log benches, her hand still wrapped around mine.
“Talk to me,” I pleaded, upset that something was obviously upsetting her.
“I don’t like this,” she whispered. “I feel like something bad is going to happen. I don’t know what, but I know it’s going to suck whatever it is.”
“I will protect you,” I assured her.
“Uh huh,” she huffed, giving me a look. “Hate to break it to you, but most likely I will be the one protecting you. Either way, it should prove to be interesting.”
I glared at her; she truly knew how to insult my manhood without even realizing it.
“What did Carmine mean when he said ancients?” she asked, changing the subject.
I will give you a bloody spanking for that comment later.
“Carmine is young, less than a century old most likely, thus he would be considered along the lines of a fledgling, a newborn vampire...a child in essence. Ancients are hundreds of years old, and usually the older you are, the more established you are. Unless you are daft and do not plan for the future. When you have eternity ahead of you, you have to plan for it accordingly. That is why me portfolio is so expansive. I have to support me siblings and a fifth of me coven, as well as meself and Samantha.”
“Wait, why her?” she asked.
“Samantha is still my responsibility. Until I get an annulment or become a widow, I support her. She resides in one of me estates, switching between them as she sees fit, and she gets a yearly allowance of a million pounds.”
“Why haven’t you gotten an annulment yet?” she whispered.
I shrugged. “I had no reason to put meself through such drama. Duckie, I will always love Sam on some level; she was me best friend. If something happened to Yahto, would you not do what you could for him, regardless? The same applies, only I have the means whereas you do not. I think a large part of me reason for supporting her is out of guilt for her being turned. It was wrong of me to ask her to sacrifice so much for me own selfish reasons. Sam wanted children and grandchildren, she wanted to experience the world, and for us to grow old together. I took all but one of those things from her, something she constantly reminds me of,” I inadvertently snarled.
Jay Dee squeezed my hand and it brought me back to her.
“My apologies. To answer your question: I am considered an ancient because of how old I am and because of me established rank in vampiric society.”
“Oh,” she said quietly then licked her lips. “Tanis, I don’t want you buying me things. If I need it, I will get it myself. You have enough people to support.”
I pinched her lips together. “Stop. I will do what I like when I like. It is mw brass to do what I want with. Duckie, you are me only concern at this point. Me siblings can make their own brass if they only got off of their lazy arses. Both are amazingly talented in the arts. Steffen and Abby have their own money; she is nearly seven-hundred years old. Steffen is an amazing carpenter and can easily make a million with only a dozen pieces of furniture or so. Toran works as well, in fact, he has been out of town nearly all week away on business. It is not a big deal, Duckie. I will buy you what I want, when I want. Agreed?”
She shook her head.
“Believe it or not, I am nearly as stubborn as you are,” I informed her in case she had forgotten.
She rolled her eyes but smiled. “I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” she mumbled so I released her lips.
Just then, Romeo and Jarvis came running over with three very narked men behind them.
“Oops,” Jarvis said with a giggle and ducked behind his sister. “I did something naughty,” he whispered while Romeo laughed hysterically.
An irate woman pushed her way through the snarling men. “This is unacceptable. You will pay for this you little piece of shit! I challenge you, Jay Dee Lightfoot, for your brother and his little friend’s bullshit!”
“Damn it,” Jay Dee and I said under our breaths.