Carry On

The door opens and one of the goats peeks its muzzle out before Ebb herself appears. “Simon!” she says, holding the door wide and waving me in. “What’re you doing here? I thought everybody had gone home.”


“I just came by to say Happy Christmas,” I say, following her into the barn. It’s warmer inside, but not by much. No wonder Ebb’s dressed like she is—her ratty Watford jumper layered over another jumper, with a long striped school scarf and a mess of a knit hat. “Snakes alive, Ebb, it’s cold as a witch’s wit in here.”

“It’s not so bad,” she says. “Come on, I’ll build up the fire.”

We walk through the goats to the back of the barn, which serves as Ebb’s sitting room. She’s got a little table and a rug back here—and a TV set, the only one at Watford, as far as I know. Everything’s set up around a potbelly stove that isn’t connected to any wall or chimney.

That’s the best part of visiting Ebb—she doesn’t care at all about wasting magic. Half the things that come out of her mouth are spells, but I’ve never seen her magic-thin or exhausted.

The stove is magicked, I’m sure. And she probably uses magic to watch football matches.

“Why doesn’t she put in a magickal shower?” Agatha asked, the last time she visited Ebb with me—which must have been years ago. I don’t know where Ebb washes up. Maybe she just Clean as a whistles every morning.

(I had the same idea when I was 13, but Penny gave me a lecture about whistles not being very clean, actually, and Clean as a whistle only taking care of the dirt you can see.)

Ebb feeds some branches into the stove and pokes at the fire. “Well, Happy Christmas yourself,” she says. “You caught me just in time. Going home tomorrow.”

“To see your family?” I ask.

Ebb’s from East London. She nods.

“Do you need someone to watch over the goats?”

“Nah, I’ll let them wander the grounds. What about you? Off to Agatha’s?”

“No,” I say. “I thought I’d stay here. My last year and all, trying to soak up as much Watford as I can.”

“You can always come back, Simon—I did. You want some coffee? ’Fraid all I’ve got out here is coffee. No, wait, I’ve got some Rich Tea biscuits. Let’s eat ’em before they go soft.”

I turn over a bucket and sit close to the fire. Ebb fusses at the cupboards she’s nailed to the back of the barn. She’s got shelves hanging there, too, crammed with dusty ceramic animals.

When I was a second year, I gave Ebb a little breakable goat for Christmas; I’d found it over the summer at a car boot sale. She fussed over it so much that I brought her bric-a-brac every Christmas for a few years. Goats and sheep and donkeys.

I’m feeling shamefully empty-handed when Ebb hands me a chipped mug of coffee and a stack of biscuits.

“I’m not sure what I’d do around here,” I say. “I don’t think Watford needs two goatherds.” One of the smaller goats has wandered over and is nuzzling at my knee. I hold out a biscuit in my palm, and it takes it.

Ebb smiles and settles into her easy chair. “We’d find something for you. It’s not like there was an opening when Mistress Pitch brought me on.”

“Baz’s mum,” I say, scratching the goat’s ears. Getting Ebb to talk about all this might be easier than I thought.

“The same,” she says. “Now, there was a powerful magician.”

“Did you know her well?”

Ebb takes a bite of biscuit. “Well, she taught Magic Words when I was in school,” she says, puffing crumbs out onto her dirty scarf. “And she was the headmistress. So I guess I knew her that way. We certainly didn’t move in the same circles, you understand—but after my brother Nicky passed, my family didn’t move in any circles at all.”

Ebb’s brother died when she was in school. She talks about him a lot, even though it gets her all worked up and morose every time. This is one reason Penny never took to Ebb. “She’s so melancholy. Even the goats seem bummed out.”

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