‘You can’t have been doing it properly. Didn’t you used to have hair?’
‘It’s the new post-plague look. Talk to me.’
‘I’ve been back to the future. Things to do. People to see. I should be there now.’
My throat closed. With some difficulty, I said, ‘Will you stay there?’
He put his hand over mine. ‘Nothing will keep me from coming back to you.’
I blinked to clear my eyes.
‘How long can you stay?’
‘I shouldn’t be here at all.’
‘It’s … good to see you.’
‘You too.’ He cleared his throat. ‘I … um … I brought you something.’
He passed me a small cardboard box. It was very light.
‘What is it?’
‘It’s for you. Now I must go.’ He stood up.
‘Wait. Please. Stay a little longer …’
‘I can’t.’
‘Just while I open …’
I pulled open the flaps and peered inside.
I couldn’t move. Not a finger. I think I forgot to breathe.
A small, brown face smiled up at me.
I lifted him out so very gently. I know that these days, teddy bears are designed to survive the attentions of small children – or a thermo-nuclear blast; the two are not dissimilar in terms of destruction – but I was terrified of breaking this precious object.
I remembered the circumstances under which I last saw my Bear …
And Leon, who knew it all, and to whom none of it was important, said softly, ‘This is Bear 2.0. A gift to you. From me. No more looking back, Lucy.’
I stroked the velvety fur. Touched his soft leather paws. His smile tore at my heart.
I mumbled, ‘I don’t know what to say.’
‘You don’t have to say anything.’
‘Thank you.’
‘It’s an honour and a privilege.’
‘No. No, it shouldn’t be. When I think of what I’ve done … the mistakes I’ve made. I condemned when I should have shown compassion. I wiped Leon out of my life for what he did. I can’t help thinking – would he still be alive if I hadn’t …? Did he literally die of a broken heart?’
‘No. You can’t die of a broken heart. Trust me.’
‘When we talked about Helios – that night in the pod – you were going to say something.’
He hesitated. ‘You know, don’t you, what the other Max did?’
‘I do now.’ I didn’t mention it was Barclay who told me. ‘Did you blame your Max – as I blamed my Leon?’
‘No, of course I didn’t blame her. Nobody did. No one was safe in Troy. Terrible things would have happened to that little boy and, when he was no more use to anyone, the Greeks would have cut his throat and moved on. She saved him from that and I loved her for it. I will never forget that you forgave me freely when you thought I’d done it, and I forgave her, too.’
I nodded, though he could barely see me in the dark.
‘Will the Time Police come here?’
‘Not if I have anything to do with it.’
‘Can you keep them out?’
‘I’m trying. Many people are trying. And knowing that you’re here … Believe me, if they come here, it will be over my dead body. But that won’t happen.’
‘Why are you here?’
‘To report to Dr Bairstow and get further instructions.’
‘Report what?’
He hesitated.
‘Leon?’
‘The date.’
‘What date?’
‘The date they have scheduled their attack.’
‘So they do come here?’
‘Not if I can prevent it.’
I reached for him in sudden panic.
‘Leon … you must take care. Nothing must happen to you.’
His hands covered mine. ‘Sweetheart, I have to say this. I know we agreed to take things slowly – to get to know each other, but time has run out for us. So I’m telling you now, in case we never … in case anything happens to either of us. I know we said … but I can’t bear the thought you might never know how I feel. About you. About us. It’s all right – you don’t have to say anything. If you don’t … I mean, I understand … ’
I couldn’t stop crying.
‘Leon … take me with you. Let me fight with you. If we fall, we fall together.’
‘I can’t do that, sweetheart. But it won’t come to that. I’ll keep them out, I promise. I promise you’ll be safe.’
I pushed back the bedcovers and stood up.
‘Leon …’
I put my arms around him.
He stood motionless for a moment and then I was not just held, but crushed against him. His armour was painful. There would be bruises to explain away in the morning, but none of that mattered now. There didn’t seem anything to say so we didn’t. Time was short and I don’t think either of us could bear to waste it saying goodbye. We stood together a long time. The window-shaped patch of light travelled slowly across the room and neither of us noticed. Neither of us moved. Or wanted to. I breathed him in. He rubbed his hand gently up and down my back. I reached up and touched his cheek. He kissed my palm and folded my fingers over to keep it safe.
‘I must go,’ he said, softly. ‘Try not to lose any more hair.’
‘Bring Jaffa Cakes next time.’