“Yeah, it does.” His voice wavers, and he clears his throat. “Maybe that should’ve told me something. And I guess I can’t help wondering if this—the feelings and wanting more—was inevitable.”
My heart speeds up and my stomach flips. “Inevitable? What do you mean?”
“For the three of us to get to this point. Where it’s not just two husbands and a friend. Where we’re…three guys together.”
“Like, three guys in one relationship?”
Ian nods.
I stare at him but then put up a hand and shake my head. “Look, I know marriage is all about compromise, but I can’t ask you to—”
“You’re not. And this isn’t compromise.” His lips twist a little, as if he’s searching for the right words. “Quite frankly, I was pissed last night when you told me how you felt about him.”
I flinch, but he’s not done yet.
“And I spent a lot of time thinking about it. All night, and throughout today, right up until you got home. And the thing is, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I have feelings for him too.”
“You do?”
Ian nods. “I guess what drove it home was when I caught myself freaking out that you might leave me for him, and it hurt to think about losing him too.” He slides a little closer. “Josh, I don’t want to lose either of you. I thought last night was the come-to-Jesus moment for you, where you needed to think about whether you want to be with me or with Michael. But I think it was that moment for all of us to realize there’s an option we hadn’t considered before.”
Speechless. Completely fucking speechless.
Ian laces our fingers together on the cushion between us. “I don’t think I could ever feel for him or anybody else what I feel for you. And I know there’s something between the two of you that can’t exist anywhere except there.” He shifts his weight. “But maybe it doesn’t have to be a hundred percent equal on all sides. Maybe the way it is…works.”
“But…” I shake myself, certain this is all some sort of sleep-deprived hallucination. “How the fuck would something like that even work?”
Ian shrugs. “I don’t know. I guess if any of us knew that, maybe we’d have done this a long time ago. Up until we started…” He pauses, cheeks coloring a little. “Until this, uh, arrangement with Michael, I thought it was either monogamy or the casual fucking around we did when we were younger.” He waves his hand. “Maybe there’s a sweet spot somewhere in between that we didn’t think about before.”
I can’t believe what I’m hearing. Part of me is still bracing for the worst case scenario, which makes it almost impossible to believe the solution Ian’s suggesting. “Are you…”
He squeezes my hand. “Yes, I’m serious.”
I slide closer and wrap my arms around him. “God, I love you.”
“I love you too.” He kisses my cheek and holds me tighter. “And I want all three of us to be happy, even if it means doing things that are a bit unusual.”
“I don’t know if Michael will go for that.”
Ian strokes my hair. “It’s worth a shot.”
I sit up and meet his gaze. “But…your job. The school district barely puts up with the fact that you’re gay.”
Ian chuckles, and he shrugs. “Well, what they don’t know won’t hurt me.” Turning serious, he cups my face and kisses me again. “We can be discreet. It’s really none of anyone else’s business.”
“And if they find out anyway?”
“We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.” He meets my gaze. “We were both freaked out about the school district figuring out I was gay, and yeah, they don’t like it, but there isn’t a damned thing they can do about it.”
“An arrangement like this, though…”
“Then, like I said, we’ll be discreet. If it comes out…” He shrugs again. “We’ll deal with it. But I think this has the potential to be something really amazing for all three of us. I’m not going to pass that up just because someone who’s stuck in the Dark Ages might find out about it. The only ones whose opinions matter are you, me and Michael.”
“Question is, what will he think of the idea?”
“All we can do is talk to him.”
“Except I’m not sure if he’ll even take my calls right now.” Just saying it makes me sick to my stomach.
Ian’s eyebrows jump. “What do you mean? Did something happen?”
“When we talked, he said he needed some time. He didn’t come out and say it, but it was kind of a ‘don’t call me, I’ll call you’ type of thing.”
Ian scowls. “Well, all you can do is try. If he isn’t receptive right now, then we’ll wait until he comes out of the woodwork.” He runs his fingers through my hair. “He isn’t gone forever. We both know he’ll come back.”
That damned lump is rising in my throat again. “I know. I just…” I shake my head. “Fuck.”