Chapter 14
A small crowd had already circled Cam and the guy. Some watching on in interest, others jeering on the fight.
Cam had pinned the guy with one hand shoved into his chest. He was right up in his face, his free hand curled into a fist at his side. “What the f*ck, man? Do you have a f*cking hearing problem?”
“I’m sorry,” the guy blubbered, hands raised at his sides. “We were just dancing. Didn’t mean any shit by it.”
“Cam.” My voice came out strangled, hoarse as I started forward.
Brit was beside me, capturing my arm. “Do not get involved, Avery.”
How could I not get involved? My stomach roiled and what little beer I had consumed rose in my throat.
Cam shoved the guy back into the wall again and then Jase was suddenly there, getting an arm around Cam’s waist, pulling him back. The guy slumped against the wall, eyes closed.
“You need to chill the f*ck out,” Jase said.
Cam sidestepped his friend, eyes narrowed on the other guy. “Let me the f*ck go, Jase.”
“F*ck no.” Jase got in-between them, putting his hands on Cam’s chest. “You don’t need this, remember? Getting into a fight is the last thing you f*cking need right now. So back down.”
Something in what Jase had said seemed to reach Cam. He cast the guy against the wall one last promising look and then shrugged off Jase’s hands. Cam turned, thrusting his hand through his hair. Through the people standing between us, his gaze landed on me and Brit. He started forward, but Jase said something that made him stop. Out of nowhere, Ollie appeared, shoving a bottle of beer in Cam’s hands. Between the two of them, they ushered him back into the house. I started after them, but Brit hauled me into a corner, her wings bouncing as she turned to me. “What the hell happened?”
“I don’t know.” My chest rose and fell sharply. “The guy wouldn’t let me go and Cam just came out of nowhere. I need to—”
“No.” She stopped me, blocking my path. “You need to let him cool down. He’s with his boys, let him be.”
Smoothing my hands over my hips, I was slow to process what Brit was saying. There was a good chance I was going to hurl. I looked around, willing my heart to slow down. Some people were staring at us. Others had lost interest the moment it was obvious there wouldn’t be a fight. Steph was at the ping pong table, lips thinning as our gazes collided. Music picked back up, thumping in tune with my heart. Sweat dotted my brow.
“Hey, Avery, you okay?” Brit asked.
I forced a nod, but I wasn’t okay. The garage was shifting again—all the costumes and the sounds amplified. Pressure clamped down on my chest. The smell of beer, perfume, and sweat clouded the air. I took a breath, but it didn’t seem like enough.
“I need fresh air,” I told Brit, pulling free.
“I’ll go with you.”
“No. No, I’m fine. Stay here.” I didn’t want to ruin her night. “I’m okay. Really. I just need some fresh air.”
Brit relented with a little more coaxing, and I hurried out of the garage, feeling like a hundred eyes were on my back even though I knew probably no one was looking.
Cool air lifted the damp hair off my neck, but I didn’t really feel it. I didn’t stop. I kept walking, my hands opening and closing at my sides. I was by my car before I realized it. Digging my keys out of my pocket, I got in behind the wheel.
Hands shaking, I pressed them against my face. Oh God, I could still feel his hands—not the drunk guy’s but Blaine’s. I could hear him whispering in my ear, feel him behind me and the pressure…. Throwing my head back against the headrest, I squeezed my eyes shut. “No. I’m not doing this.”
The words seemed to echo in the car and were thrown back in my face, because I was doing this. I was doing exactly what I shouldn’t do.
I couldn’t go back in there, not for my friends or for my hoodie.
Shoving the keys into the ignition, I eased my car out from between two cars. I don’t even know how I got home. I didn’t remember anything from the ride, just that I was standing in the middle of my apartment, trying to catch my breath.
I made it to the hallway before I slid down the wall, bringing my knees against my chest. I curled up, thrusting my hands into my hair. I squeezed my eyes shut, but the tears snuck free, spilling down my cheeks.
There was no doubt in my mind that I had screwed up—I’d overreacted. The guy at the party had been obnoxiously grabby, but I had overreacted. I’d let the past distort what had been really happening. I’d panicked and Cam almost got into a fight over it.
I pressed my forehead against my knees, pulling my hair back. I couldn’t do it. I’d tried and I had turned a good time into an epic fail. What was wrong with me?
There were several valid answers to that—a lot was wrong. Not breaking news there but this… I had wanted so badly for tonight to be good, for tonight to be that extra push in the right direction, whatever direction that was. A sob rose and I clamped my jaw shut until my molars ached. Instead, I was here, back to where I started.
#
The throbbing in my head had increased until it felt like the entire apartment was pounding right along with it. Wincing, I opened my eyes and realized I was where I’d sat down, in the hall and my entire body ached. I’d fallen asleep, maybe for an hour or two.
And the thumping wasn’t just in my head—it was on my door.
I pushed off the floor, hurrying to the door in a haze. I was so out of it I didn’t even check to see who it was.
Cam barreled through the door and I was against his chest before I processed what was happening. Strong arms swept around me and his hand came up, cradling the back of my head. I inhaled deeply, drawing in the faint scent of cologne and alcohol.
“Jesus Christ,” he said, his hand fisting in my hair. “Why haven’t you answered your damn phone?”
“I left my phone in the car, I think.” My voice was muffled against his chest.
He swore again as he pulled back. His hands went to my cheeks, holding me in place in a way that didn’t trigger dark memories. “I’ve been blowing up your phone—so have Jacob and Brittany.”
“I’m sorry.” I blinked slowly. “I didn’t—”
“You’ve been crying.” His eyes narrowed until only a thin strip of blue showed in both. “You’ve been f*cking crying.”
“No, I haven’t.” The lie sounded lame.
“Have you looked in the mirror?” he demanded. When I shook my head, he dropped his hands and closed the door behind him. He then took my hand. A muscle ticked along his jaw and when he spoke his voice was hard. “Come on.”
I let him pull me into the hallway bathroom. When he flipped on the overhead light, I winced and then I saw myself in the mirror. “Oh God…”
My eyes were puffy and red, but it was the streaks of black mascara that truly cemented the fact that my first attempt at attending a party in five years had not ended well. My gaze met Cam’s in the mirror and embarrassment swamped me. I dropped my head in my hands and muttered, “Perfect—just perfect.”
“It’s not that bad, sweetheart.” His voice softened as his hands settled on my upper arms. He gently pulled my hands. “Sit down.”
I sat on the closed toilet seat. Staring at my fingers, I forced my sluggish brain to catch up. “What are you doing here?”
“What am I doing here?” He ran a washcloth under the tap and knelt down in front of me. “Is that a serious question?”
“Guess not.”
“Look at me.” When I didn’t, he repeated it. “Dammit, Avery, look at me.”
Whoa. Anger rose like smoke through me. My chin lifted. “Happy?”
The muscle was back, ticking away. “Why would I come here? You left a party without saying a word to anyone.”
“I told—”
“You told Brittany you were getting some fresh air. That was three hours ago, Avery. They thought you were with me, but when they saw me later they knew you weren’t. After what happened with that a*shole, you scared them.”
My anger seeped out of me, replaced by guilt. “I didn’t mean to. I just left my phone in the car.”
He didn’t say anything as he smoothed the washcloth under my eyes, wiping away the mascara. “You didn’t need to leave.”
“I overreacted.” My lashes lowered and I let out a breath. “The guy… he really hadn’t done anything wrong. He just surprised me and I overreacted. I ruined the party.”
“You didn’t ruin the party. And that son of a bitch shouldn’t have been grabbing you. F*ck. I heard you say ‘let me go’ and I know damn well he did to. Maybe I shouldn’t have reacted as… strongly as I had, but f*ck it. He was grabbing you and I didn’t like it.”
Yeah, I had told the guy to let me go, but he’d been drunk and stupid. All he had wanted to do was dance with me. I knew when a guy became a threat. He hadn’t hit that stage. Who knew if he would have, but it had been the memories that had sent me over the edge.
“You didn’t need to come here,” I said finally, suddenly very tired. “You should be at the party having fun.”
Cam was quiet so long that I had to look at him. The expression on his face was a cross between wanting to strangle me and something far, far different. There was a dipping motion in my stomach, very much like it had been at the party before everything went to hell.
“We’re friends, right?” he said in a quiet, low voice.
“Yes.”
“This is what friends do. They check on each other. Brittany and Jacob would’ve been here, but I made them stay there.”
Maybe I totally misread that moment we were having. “I need to get my phone and call—”
“I’ll text Brittany. I got her number.” He rocked back on his heels, watching me. “The fact that you wouldn’t expect anyone to check up on you is… I don’t even know what it is.”
I didn’t say anything and started to look away, but his hand came up, resting against my cheek. His thumb moved, smoothing across my skin. Our eyes met, and I wished I had something witty to say, something that would erase this night. Well, everything except the way he’d looked at me at the party. I sort of liked that.
Okay. I had really liked that, but whatever.
“Why were you crying?” he asked. “Wait. Did that f*cker hurt you, because I will—”
“No! Not at all,” I said quickly. I had a feeling he’d track that guy down and beat the crap out of him if he thought he’d hurt me.
“Then why?” His thumb moved again, and I moved out of some long forgotten instinct. I turned my head into his palm. “Talk to me?”
Talking was so easy for most people, but most people had things they actually wanted to talk about. “I don’t know. I guess I was just being a girl.”
His brows rose. “You sure that’s all?”
“Yes,” I whispered.
He didn’t say anything again for another long moment. Instead, his eyes moved over my face in a slow perusal. “You okay?”
I nodded.
His hand moved down and his thumb brushed the edge of my lip. I sucked in a sharp breath, becoming hyperaware of how close we were. Strange, I realized. I had wanted something to say to make the night disappear, but it wasn’t necessarily words I needed.
A touch, a single look was just as powerful.
I wasn’t thinking of anything but him in that moment. There was a freedom in that I hadn’t experienced before.
His gaze was centered on my lips and as soon as I realized that, my heart kicked up, sending my blood rushing. There wasn’t a lot of space separating us. All he’d have to do is move two or three inches and that would be it.
Then his gaze flicked up.
Cam closed the little distance between us before I had a chance to move away. My heart leapt in my chest at the thought that he might kiss me, that I was literally seconds away from my first kiss, and I had no idea what to do. My mouth felt funny after all the crying and I was sitting on a toilet, which probably wasn’t the most romantic of all settings.
But he didn’t kiss me. He pressed his forehead against mine and let out a ragged breath that smelled of mint. “You drive me f*cking insane sometimes.”
I drove myself f*cking insane. “Sorry?”
Cam pulled back a little, his eyes searching my face. “Don’t run off like that again, okay? I was worried shitless when I couldn’t find you and no one knew where you were.”
I almost apologized again, but apologies were really like wishes. There were an abundance of both in my life and neither really made a difference. So I did something I don’t even think I’d ever done, not even before.
Scooting forward, I pressed my lips to his smooth cheek. His eyes widened, and I inched back. Under his intense stare, I wondered if that had been the wrong thing to do.
Cam started to move forward and then stopped. His eyes were so large and they were truly beautiful, unique in the way the hue seemed to deepen and darken. “Avery?”
I swallowed. “Cam?”
He didn’t give me his lopsided grin or show off his one dimple. “Go out on a date with me.”
There was a tugging in my chest and I was reminded of that moment when he’d come back to campus early after fall break and had come straight to my apartment. Something had cracked inside me then and it did so now, like a wall of… reservation. The party hadn’t worked out, but Cam… he was different. He’d always been different.
And he was here. That had to mean something. It sure felt like it did.
My brain was telling me this was a bad idea and I told my brain to shut the f*ck up, because it rarely told me anything helpful. I took a breath, one I didn’t need. “Yes.”
#
Jacob sat across from Brittany and me in the small coffee shop in town, rocking a pair of dark shades and the bowler hat from his Halloween costume. The three of us had skipped History. It had been his idea, and honestly, I was way too wired to be sitting in class. Besides, the only class I’d missed all semester had been the first day of astronomy. Skipping one more time, even if it was my major, couldn’t be that big of a crime.
He groaned as he sipped his latte. “Whoever let me drink as much as I did last night should be smacked in the face.”
I glanced at Brit as I picked at my chocolate chip scone. She shot him a sheepish look. “Well, you let me spend ‘quality time’ with Jimmie, so whatever.”
“And how did that go?” he asked, sliding his glasses down and pinning her with bloodshot eyes. “You looked like you were walking a little funny to the car.” Brit snorted. “Yeah, you’re giving Jimmie way too much credit. I left with you and when Jimmie did text me later, because hello, why wouldn’t he? I didn’t answer. I was a good girl.”
“Good, because if the guy isn’t making you walk funny after sex, then he probably isn’t anything to write home to mom about.” Jacob shifted his gaze to me. “But you, missy, I’m still ticked at you.”
“So am I,” Brit joined in, smacking my arm as I reached for my hot chocolate. “You scared the shit out of me last night. I thought you had been kidnapped.”
“I really am sorry for that. I went home and left my phone in the car.” When I thought she wouldn’t whack me again, I wrapped my fingers around my cup. “I do feel terrible. I didn’t want either of you to worry.”
“Well, we did…” He grinned. “When we realized you were missing. That took about an hour or so.”
Brit made a face as she nodded. “That’s true. So if you were kidnapped, well, that would’ve sucked.”
I laughed, almost choking on my drink. “Wow. I don’t know if I should feel less guilty now.”
“Yeah, we’re shitty friends.” Jacob sat back, tipping his hat up. “Except we totally redeemed ourselves by involving Cam.”
My heart did that cartwheel again.
“We really thought you were with him,” Brit said, sneaking a piece of my scone. “That’s why it took us so long, but then we saw him coming out of one of the rooms with Jase and Ollie.”
“He was really worried when we asked if he’d seen you.” Jacob rubbed the skin above his brows. “He went right out there with Ollie and started looking for your car.”
Brit nodded as she eyed my scone. “It was kind of romantic, especially since you weren’t lying dead anywhere.”
I laughed as I slid the scone toward her.
“And then he rushed off, like a knight in shining armor, leaving the party and one very unhappy Little Skanky Red Riding Hood behind.” Brit dug into the scone happily. “Seriously, Avery, I know you’re saying you’re not taking hard to get to a whole new level, but you need to go out with him.”
“I am,” I said quietly, holding onto my hot chocolate.
“Because he’s not going to keep asking,” she continued blithely. “He’s going to move on and you’re going to be sitting in your apartment, crying your little heart out and—”
“Brit, shut it for a second.” Jacob leaned forward and slid his sunglasses down. “Wait. Did you just say you were going out with him?”
“Yeah.” Now my heart did a back flip. Just talking about it filled me with an absurd amount of nervousness. “He asked me again and I said yes.”
Brit lowered my scone from her mouth, her eyes wide. “What? When did this happen?”
“Last night,” I answered.
“When he left to check on you?” Jacob asked.
I nodded.
“Holy shit,” Brit whispered. “You’re going out with Cam.”
“On a date,” I added. “It’s really not that big of a deal.”
Of course, it was a big deal to me. This would be my first date—this was huge. No way was I sharing that little tidbit with them. It was bad enough that Cam already knew that embarrassing secret.
“I would be clapping like a seal right now if I weren’t so f*cking hung over, just so you know. Inside, I am doing happy jumping jacks for you with glittery pom poms.” Jacob laughed at the face I made. “It’s about time. He’s only been asking you out for…?”
I shrugged. “Not that long.”
Brit gaped at me and a piece of scone hit the table, causing me to giggle. “He’s been asking you out since the end of August. It is the first day of November, Avery, just in case you can’t tell time. Most guys don’t even remember a girl’s name during that length of time.”
My brows rose.
“It’s true,” Jacob commented. “I forget your name about once a week.”
I laughed.
“So when are you guys going out?” she asked, tugging her ponytail down and then redoing it. “What are you doing?”
I was pretty sure that my heart was now doing the jumping jacks that Jacob claimed were going on inside him. “We’re not going out until next weekend. He’s got a paper he’s got to write this weekend and he’s already got plans with Ollie—something about one of those mixed martial arts fights on pay per view.” Cam had invited me to come over then, but it seemed like it was a guy night. “I think we’re going to some restaurant in Hagerstown next Saturday.”
Brit’s eyes lit up. “Oh, my God, girl, we so have tons of time to get ready.”
“I need a week to get ready?”
Her head bobbed vigorously. “You’ve got to get your hair done, your nails done, and then you should get waxed, you know, down—”
“Alright, when you guys start talking about waxing unmentionable places, that’s my cue to get the hell out of here.” Jacob grabbed his bag and stood. Stopping by me, he kissed my cheek. “Seriously, it’s about time.”
My cheeks warmed and I murmured “Thanks,” but didn’t really know why because it seemed like a weird time to say thank you.
After Jacob stumbled out the door, Brit picked up her cup. “Serious moment?”
“Okay.” I figured I was about to get a detailed lesson on Brazilian waxes and prepared myself.
Brit twisted toward me and when she spoke, her voice was uncharacteristically low. “Last night at the party, when that guy tried to dance with you…”
Uh-oh. My stomach shot straight to my toes. “Yeah?”
“What happened between you two?” She wetted her lips. “I saw him grabbing you.”
I looked away, swallowing against the sudden nauseous feeling. “That’s all he did. He just surprised me and I overreacted. I feel like a total idiot.”
Brit sucked her lip in-between her teeth as she watched me. “Not that some guy grabbing you is cool, because it’s not and although it freaking happens at parties all the time, it’s really annoying.” She paused. “Why did you overreact?”
Shifting in my chair, I slid my hands over my thighs. “Like I said, I was just surprised. He caught me off guard.”
“He caught you off guard…” she repeated and then took a deep breath. “Okay. I’m going to be real with you. That’s what friends do, right?”
Unease rose swiftly, snaking its way through me. “Right.”
There was a pause. “I saw your face, Avery. You were scared out of your mind. It wasn’t just being caught off guard or because you don’t go to parties. And I’m not trying to be ignorant by saying this, so please God don’t take it that way, but that’s not a normal reaction.”
Not a normal reaction. Didn’t I know that? I glanced at her and all of a sudden I wanted to tell her the truth—tell her everything. The need was inexplicable and rode me hard. It came up, making it to the tip of my tongue. Years worth of silence hung in the air between us. Brit waited with an open look etched upon her face and already, before I even opened my mouth, I could see it in her eyes and in the taut pull around her lips. She wasn’t stupid. She suspected something, maybe even the worst. Sympathy. Maybe even pity shone in her eyes.
“Did… did something happen to you, Avery?” she asked quietly.
The need to tell her, to tell someone deflated like a balloon with a tiny pin prick in it. My gaze shifted to the window and beyond, to the congested street outside. I shook my head. “No, nothing has happened to me.”