Unfixable

Chapter Seventeen

My messenger bag hits the earth with a thud. Shane and I can’t get close enough to each other. We’re standing upright, but his rough hands are on my thighs, kneading my bottom, yanking me closer. Every part of me is buzzing and snapping. His mouth, hot and demanding, is the only thing getting me from one minute to the next. It’s oxygen…gravity…it’s everything. I can hear myself moaning and I don’t give a care. Oh God, how have I made it this long? There’s an incessant ache, and it’s clawing at me, growing more intense with every stroke of his tongue. I want, I want, I want is all I can think as I return the kiss in equal measure.
My hands go to the edges of his jacket, and I push it off his shoulders, not caring where it lands. When I start unfastening his belt, Shane releases my mouth to watch me. His eyes are glazed, he’s biting his lip hard and growling in his throat, as if the sight of my hands working his belt is a massive turn-on. That look of appreciation gives my hands a mind of their own and I abandon my task to stroke his erection through his jeans.
Shane covers my hand and helps me squeeze where he needs it. Once, twice, before drawing my hand away. “Enough. Enough teasing. You’ve had me like this too f*cking long, girl.” Keeping his eyes locked on mine, he takes over the task of unbuckling his belt and unzipping his jeans. Then he takes my hand and slides it down the front of his boxer briefs, urging me with a choked command to wrap my hand around his hard flesh. “If you’re going to torture me, do it right.”
My body is shuddering, every inch of me is burning up with the best kind of fever. It’s a warm night, but it could be a blizzard, and I wouldn’t feel a hint of cold. Shane’s words heat me even more. And the way he’s watching my stroking hand with worship in his eyes…it’s making me feel restless. Desperate. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anything more in my life. It’s a startling thought but there’s no room for doubt or alarm now. I’m beyond that.
“Shane, please.”
“Please, what?” He bites my ear and tugs. “You want a little torture, too, love?”
I don’t realize Shane has unfastened my jeans until he’s pushing them down my hips. I nudge off my boots and kick my pants the rest of the way off with my feet, before I fuse my mouth to his again. The kiss is breathless, his warm hands are cupping my behind, urging me higher against him. My cotton underwear is the only thing between us now, and it’s far too much. His hips give a quick, upward surge between my thighs and it short-circuits my brain.
“I’m going to put you on the ground, now, Willa.” He clutches a fistful of my hair and whispers hotly against my ear. “Then I’m going to get between your thighs and f*ck you. I told you this was inevitable, didn’t I?”
“Yes.”
“You know what else is inevitable?” He drags me down onto the soft grass and covers my body with his harder one. A strangled sound leaves me when I feel his thickness between my legs. “Tonight won’t be the last time. If I have you once, I’m going to want you over and over. This doesn’t end here. Not by a f*cking long shot.”
Christ, how can he expect me to focus on what he’s asking when he’s rocking into me, making me crazy? I feel empty, incomplete, without him inside me. It makes no sense since he’s never been there. It’s unexplainable.
Don’t care. Need him now.
I reach down and slip my boy shorts down my legs, hooking a toe in the material to pull them the rest of the way. Then I wrap my legs around Shane’s hips and drag his mouth to mine for the hottest, most pleading kiss I can muster. Whatever I have to do to tempt him to push himself inside me. It’s the most vital necessity in my universe.
With a ragged groan, he squeezes my hip hard, then shoves one of my thighs wide so he can work his hand between our bodies. When his fingers find my center, my back bows off the ground, a sob ripped from my throat. His mouth skates down my neck as he pumps two fingers in and out of me. I can’t breathe or think beyond his fingers, his mouth, the humming in his throat. Shane pushes my shirt up, exposing my braless chest. My eyes pop open. I want to see myself completely naked out here. In the perfect, beautiful night. I want to see him against that backdrop, looking at me. The sight of Shane’s cheeks hollowing as he draws on my nipples makes me feel wild, reckless.
Like myself.
Something is coming back to life inside of me, starting in my limbs and traveling to my brain, making me light-headed. It’s been coming for days. It just needed a catalyst to form. Shane. This place did it. Now did it.
I realize Shane has propped himself on an elbow and he’s staring at me hard, all-out lust still coating his blue eyes, but there is awe there, too. In that moment, I’m positive he can feel what’s happening inside of me. He’s a part of it. Maybe the most important part.
I don’t want to explore that troubling thought, though. I want to feel, not analyze. With a desperate sound, I push Shane onto his back and straddle his hips. His hands slide up my thighs, my belly, to cup my breasts.
“There you are, babe.” He breathes the words, watching me tug his pants down lower. “Make demands on me. Do what feels right.”
His name ghosts past my lips on a shudder as I take him in my hand and bring him between my legs. At the last second, he clasps my hips in his hands to hold me still.
“Wait.” Shane reaches down to dig in his jeans pocket and produces a condom, using his teeth to rip it open. His hands are a blur in the darkness and I’m frantic. Frantic for him to hurry. There’s a dam inside of me that’s on the verge of bursting, and I need him to anchor me. His strained expression tells me he’s feeling it, too, which amps my need for him even higher.
When I finally sink down onto him, letting every hard inch of him fill me, we both suck in breaths. Oh God. The tight, unbelievable pressure causes the tide of heat to surge higher, higher, until I’m shaking with the effort to keep my last remaining barrier intact. Struggling to hold onto my composure. I know with a few quick movements of my hips, I could shoot into outer space, but I’ve got no choice but to bring him with me. It’s never been this way before. I’ve never had this stunning connection with someone.
I need him to feel everything at the same time I do.
“Help me, Willa. I’m dying.” Shane rolls his hips beneath me, and I cry out at the pleasure that streaks through me. His fingers interlock with mine and that simple touch is reassuring enough that I begin to move faster. “Don’t restrain yourself. I need to see you burn.”
It’s something I didn’t anticipate, this wildness that shifts within me, sends my hips twisting and bucking on top of him. The dam has now completely given way, there’s nothing left to stop the rush. I’m being battered by everything I’ve kept locked up inside of me for too long. I don’t know why it chose to come out this way, nor do I understand the timing.
My head is thrown back, eyes squeezed shut, but Shane’s harsh voice saying my name brings me back. One look at his face nearly sends me over the edge. His powerful body flexes with each of my movements, holding me steady when I feel like I’m about to fly away. He’s so achingly beautiful in that moment, the raw hunger on his face, with just a hint of concern for me. It’s that last part that makes me choke on the air I’m trying to suck into my lungs. I’m feeling far too much. And he can see it, because for once I’m not hiding anything. He’s seeing everything. It’s a scary realization and yet, so freeing, that something loosens inside of me and pleasure blurs every thought from my head, except one. Shane. Attempting to stem the shaking of my thighs, I squeeze them tight around his body. He drives upward five quick times into my climaxing body, ripping a scream from my throat, doubling the intensity of what I’m experiencing.
“That’s right, girl. Scream my f*cking name. Only mine.”
I plant my hands on his shoulders and work my hips in slow, grinding circles, attempting to capture the high as long as possible, but when I’m finished and I watch my distraction from reality start to slip away, my chest is racked by a sob. I want it back.
“Easy, now. Easy.” My eyes crack open and I find Shane sitting up, mere inches from my face, his stiff erection still planted firmly inside me. “Look at me. I’ve got you, love.”
“More.” Having him this close, feeling his breath puffing out against my lips, his gorgeous eyes searching mine, is making me want him again. Immediately. I kiss him hard, gripping the strands of his hair between my fingers, tilting his head exactly where I want it. “More. Again.”
When I land on my back in the grass, I throw my arms up over my head like I’m on a roller coaster. I want to feel my stomach bottom out, I want to give over control to whatever twist of fate landed me here. Shane takes a minute to drag his gaze over me before dropping down to nip and bite at my sensitive belly. He drags my shirt up, licking over the peak of one breast, eyes locked on mine the whole time. He’s a breath away, our noses graze together once…then he pushes back inside me with a forceful shove.
“More. Again.” He repeats my words back to me, but there’s no mockery in them. Just pure sex. “Insatiable little thing aren’t you?”
“Apparently.” I draw my legs up as high as they can go, locking them behind his neck. When he groans in the back of his throat, my pulse starts to hammer out of control. “Are you going to keep me waiting?”
“It would serve you right.” He draws out, then thrusts back in, deeper than before. “You kept me waiting for weeks.”
“You hated me.”
His hands band around my wrists, pinning them above my head. “Never. Not for a second. God, I never had a f*cking chance.” I have no time to process his words, because every inch of his body is sliding over mine, muscle dragging across curves, his labored breathing in my ear. The feel of him inside me is incredible and as his pace increases with more and more urgency, we’re both straining. Grabbing at one another’s hair, the earth underneath us, anything we can get our hands on. It ends in hot, frenzied pounding and words that make no sense, but say exactly the right thing.
“Willa.” He punches the ground as his release shakes through him. “Willa.”
I hold him long after, staring up at the vast, starless sky, knowing I’ve just made an irreversible mistake. And counting the minutes until I get to make it again.