'Help with what?'
'A hemorrhoid that walks like a man,' Rusty said.'This anal sore wants to leave with his ill-gotten gains. Under normal circumstances I'd be delighted to see his miserable backside going out the door, but right now I might be able to use him.'
'Ginny?' Barbie asked. 'You okay?'
She made a waving gesture at the door. He had reached it, following after Rusty, when she called, 'Hey, handsome.' He turned back ^nd she blew him a kiss.
Barbie caught it.
8
There was only one dentist in Chester's Mill. His name was Joe Boxer. His office was at the end of Strout Lane, where his dental suite offered a scetiic view of Prestile Stream and the Peace Bridge. Which was nice if you were sitting up. Most visitors to said suite were in the reclining position, with nothing to look at but several dozen pictures of Joe Boxer's Chihuahua pasted on the ceiling.
'In one of them, the goddam dog looks like he's unloading,' Dougie Twitchell told Rusty after one visit. 'Maybe it's just the way that kind of dog sits down, but I don't think so. I think I spent half an hour looking at a dishrag with eyes take a shit while The Box dug two wisdom teeth out of my jaw. With a screwdriver, it felt like.'
The shingle hung outside Dr Boxer's office looked like a pair of basketball shorts large enough to fit a fairy-tale giant. They were painted a gaudy green and gold - the colors of the Mills Wildcats. The sign read JOSEPH BOXER, DDS. And, below that: BOXER IS BRIEF! And he was fairly speedy, everyone agreed, but he recognized no medical plans and accepted only cash. If a pulpcutter walked in with his gums suppurating and his cheeks puffed out like those of a squirrel with a mouthful of nuts and started talking about his dental insurance, Boxer would tell him to get the money from Anthem or Blue Cross or whoever and then come back to see him.
A little competition in town might have forced him to soften these Draconian policies, but the half a dozen who'd tried to make a go of it in The Mill since the early nineties had given up. There was speculation that Joe Boxer's good friend Jim Rennie might have had something to do with the paucity of competition, but no proof. Meantime, Boxer might be seen on any given day cruising around in his Porsche, with its bumper sticker reading MY OTHER CAR IS ALSO A PORSCHE!
As Rusty came down the hall with Barbie trailing after, Boxer was heading for the main doors. Or trying to; Twitch had him by the arm. Hung from Dr Boxer's other arm was a basket filled with Eggo waffles. Nothing else; just packages and packages of Eggos. Barbie wondered - not for the first time - if maybe he was lying in the ditch that ran behind Dipper's parking lot, beaten to a pulp and having a terrible brain-damaged dream.
'I'm not staying!' Boxer yapped.'I have to get these home to the freezer! What you're proposing has almost no chance of working, anyway, so take your hands off me.'
Barbie observed the butterfly bandage bisecting one of Boxer's eyebrows and the larger bandage on his right forearm. The dentist had fought the good fight for his frozen waffles, it seemed.
'Tell this goon to take his hands off me,' he said when he saw Rusty. 'I've been treated, and now I'm going home.'
'Not just yet,' Rusty said. 'You were treated gratis, and I expect you to pay that forward.'
Boxer was a little guy, no more than five-four, but he drew himself up to his full height and puffed out his chest. 'Expect and be damned. I hardly see oral surgery - which the State of Maine hasn't certified me to do, by the way - as a quid pro quo for a couple of bandages. I work for a living, Everett, and I expect to be paid for my work.'
'You'll be paid back in heaven,' Barbie said. 'Isn't that what your friend Rennie would say?'
'He has nothing to do with th - '
Barbie took a step closer and peered into Boxer's green plastic shopping basket. The words PROPERTY OF FOOD CITY were printed on the handle. Boxer tried, with no great success, to shield the basket from him.
'Speaking of payment, did you pay for those waffles?'
Don't be ridiculous. Everybody was taking everything. All I took were these.' He looked at Barbie defiantly. 'I have a very large freezer, and I happen to enjoy waffles.'
'"Everyone was taking everything" won't be much of a defense if you're charged with looting,' Barbie said mildly.
It was impossible for Boxer to draw himself up any further, and yet somehow he did. His face was so red it was almost purple. 'Then take me to court! What court? Case closed! Ha!'
He started to turn away again. Barbie reached out and grabbed him, not by the arm but by the basket. 'I'll just confiscate this, then, shall I?'
'You can't do that!'
'No? Take me to court, then.' Barbie smiled.'Oh, I forgot - what court?'
Dr Boxer glared at him, lips drawn back to show the tips of tiny perfect teeth.