“You do better with people than you give yourself credit for,” Consuelo told her. “Everyone has a different style. You have yours. It works. Go with it.”
“I wish...” Felicia shook her head. “I understand the futility of wishing.”
“That doesn’t make the need to do it go away. Look at the bright side. At the end of the day the worst anyone is going to find out about you is that you’re even smarter than they first thought. After that, it’s all easy.”
Felicia understood the unspoken part of her friend’s statement. The worst someone could learn about Consuelo was what she’d done in her past. Those who didn’t live in the gray area of black ops and covert missions might judge her or be afraid. They might not see that behind the attitude and killer reflexes was a lonely woman who simply wanted to belong.
Early in their friendship, Consuelo had told Felicia a little about her past. At first Felicia had thought they were practicing traditional female bonding, but over time she’d realized Consuelo was testing her. Trying to see if she was a real friend or someone who couldn’t take the truth. Eventually Felicia had convinced her she was unshockable. She frequently participated in mission debriefings. The soldiers she knew were killers. Consuelo was no different and had her own ghosts to deal with.
“You need a man,” Felicia said.
Consuelo stared at her. “Whatever you’re thinking, stop. If I want to get laid, I’ll find somebody.”
“I wasn’t thinking about sexual release, although that’s very pleasurable. You need a relationship, a place where you can allow a man to really know you and believe he cares about you.”
Dark eyes turned dangerous. “We are not having this conversation.”
“All evidence to the contrary?”
Consuelo made a sound that was suspiciously like a growl. “Don’t make me hurt you.”
“I’m unmoved by your threats. They’re meaningless. You’d never resort to physical force, and you’re only mentioning them because they work on the guys.” She allowed herself a small smile. “I’m smarter than them.”
“You’re also a pain in my ass.”
“Both cheeks?”
Consuelo laughed. “Yes, both cheeks. Fine, I can’t threaten you into silence. I don’t want a man.”
“I think you want what I want. A place to belong.”
“It’s sure not here.”
“Why not? You’re taking a job here. Logistically it makes sense to find a relationship close to your employment.”
“It doesn’t work like that.”
“I acknowledge the element of chance in pair bonding. I’m just saying while you’re here, it wouldn’t hurt to look.”
“I’m not the PTA type.”
“You don’t have children. Why would you join the PTA?”
Consuelo raised her eyebrows.
“Oh,” Felicia said slowly, once again slightly out of step with the conversation. The difference was with Consuelo, she didn’t have to feel self-conscious about it. “It’s like a picket fence. I get that. You’re not traditional. Neither am I, although I’m trying to move in that direction.” She thought about the women she saw around town. Young mothers with children. Teenagers talking together and laughing.
“Anyone you’re interested in?” Consuelo asked.
“Gideon.”
Her friend’s dark eyes widened. “Gideon from Thailand? That Gideon?”
Felicia nodded.
“He’s here?”
“He owns two radio stations. We’ve had sex.”
That statement earned her a momentary jaw drop, which was very satisfying.
“I didn’t mean for that to happen. I went to talk to him, but as I spent more time with him, I found myself attracted to him.” She smiled. “It was late at night, and we did it on his deck. It was very primal.”
“You go, girl. And after?”
“He came to check on me. It was sweet. He seemed torn between worry and wanting to run.”
“That’s pretty typical for a guy. What did you do?”
“I asked him out. To a party. He said yes.” She could feel herself smiling. “It’s a date.”
“My little girl is all grown up.”
“Gideon explained he wasn’t a forever guy. It means—” She paused, remembering that she was the only one who had trouble with casual idioms. “You know what it means.”
“He’s not into commitment. Look, Felicia, when a guy tells you something like that, he’s not lying. When a man says he’s never been faithful or doesn’t want anything long-term, you should believe him.”
“I do. He has no reason to lie to me.”
“My point is, don’t fall for him.”
“If I spend time with him, I’m not sure I can control my emotions. I like being around him. I like anticipating seeing him, and I’m hoping we’ll have sex again. Doesn’t that, by definition, put me at risk of falling in love?”
Felicia knew her friend well enough to read the emotions moving across her face. Indecision joined worry, and she understood the cause for both.
Two of a Kind (Fool's Gold #11)
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