Trade Me (Cyclone #1)

My mom takes one look at Blake, shakes her head, and heaps food on his plate. “You,” she tells him, before they’ve even been introduced, “need to eat more.”


She doesn’t—thank God—tease him about being my boyfriend. Yet.

“So, Blake,” my father asks as we sit around the table on an eclectic mixture of chairs and stools. “What are you studying?”

Of my parents, my dad is better at small talk, at putting people at ease.

“Economics,” Blake says.

“What do you plan to do after school? Go into business?”

Before Blake can answer, my mother interrupts. “Business school is a waste of money. Do you know how much it is now? Fifty thousand a year. At least. And not so many jobs anymore.”

Blake’s eyes dance. “Funny. My dad says the exact same thing.”

“He must be a smart man. What does your dad do? Tina never told me.”

Blake glances at me. “Computer repair.”

Luckily, nobody asks further questions. “And your mom?”

Blake clears his throat. “She’s not with us.”

I remember the conversation Blake and I had on the way down and tense. I can only imagine what my mother will say.

But my mother just smiles brilliantly. “That’s good! Too many boys your age get spoiled by their mothers. They don’t know how to cook, how to do laundry. Tina is going to be a busy doctor. She’ll need someone to do all that for her. Better if you’re not used to having someone else take care of you.”

I slink down in my seat. Blake is trying not to smile, but he’s not quite successful. “That’s probably true, Mrs. Chen, but Tina and I are just friends.”

It is obvious from the glances my parents exchange that nobody at this table believes that. Not my dad, who smiles beatifically, the way he does whenever he traps someone into a corner. Not my mom, who’s shaking her head. And definitely not Mabel, who snickers.

Possibly not even me.

“Eat more,” my mom advises Blake. “You’re too skinny.”

“Mom.”

“What?” She turns to me.

“Be polite. Please?”

“How is that rude? It’s just the truth. He has eyes; he knows he’s too skinny. And he’s not eating anything at all.” She tsks.

Blake, obligingly, takes a bite of Hamburger Helper. I’m not sure if he’s ever had Hamburger Helper in his life. Well, tough. Too bad. He has now.

“Better,” my mom says. “Good thing he’s not your boyfriend, though, Tina. He’s so skinny, I think a condom would pop right off.”

Oh my God. She did not say that. My whole body flushes in a wave of heat.

“Mom,” I mutter in a low voice. “Please.”

“Better make him wear two,” she continues merrily. “Just in case.”

I hide my face in my hands. “Gah.” It’s the only word I can manage.

I want to crawl under the table and take up permanent residence. If I did, at least it would distract my mom.

And that’s when Blake starts laughing. Not just chuckling, but full-on belly-laughing. He’s laughing so hard he starts to choke; my dad thumps him on the back, and he coughs.

“I’m sorry,” he finally gasps. “It’s just—on the way down, Tina gave me this huge lecture about how she refused to be embarrassed by you guys. There was this whole spiel about how there were cultural differences and just because you said things that were unusual by American standards didn’t make it wrong. She said that she refused to feel badly about it, so I was just going to have to adjust.”

“Rub it in, why don’t you?” I mutter.

“Sorry, Tina.” Blake pats my shoulder. “But—this one is all you.”

“That’s not a cultural difference,” my dad interjects. “Everyone thought Hongmei was inappropriate in China, too.”

“Yeah,” Mabel chimes in. “Dad embarrasses me in front of my friends at school. But Mom embarrasses me everywhere. It’s not a Chinese thing.”

“It is one of my many talents,” my mother says with a modest smile. “I put sand in everyone’s oysters.”

“That’s what Tina says,” Blake says. “So tell me about Jimmy Ma. What’s he up for?”

The appeal we’ve come down to see is the perfect topic of conversation. My mom loves talking about her…work? Her hobby? I don’t know how to think of it. She jumps right in. Blake listens and nods.