CHAPTER Seventeen
Taiya
When we get back to Ryan’s apartment, his mood has suddenly changed. He is quiet and almost zoned out. I know that he was just processing the news of his sister, so I let him have his space. I know how much Ryan values family, even though his dad is an a*shole; he loves Reid with everything he has. He is so loving, always trying to take care of everyone around him. He even offered Isis a job when she mentioned looking for something to make some extra cash. Ryan is always willing to help someone else. That’s just who he is. Knowing he has a sister out there, I can’t imagine how he’s feeling. Her being a half-sister doesn’t matter to him; I know that. Ryan wants her in his life, and he’s going to make sure it happens. Almost like he did with me. I hope we’re able to locate her soon, and that she is happy and well.
I fill up the bathtub, undress and get in. The warm water feels amazing, and I let my head fall back, feeling relaxed after what turned out to be a stressfully eventful evening. An hour later, I’m in my robe and walking towards the bedroom, when I hear banging. I rush into the games room, where Ryan is beating the shit out of a punching bag, barehanded.
“Ryan…”
He cuts in. “I’m not good company right now, Tay.” I think it’s just hit him. His father. His sister. I wonder if I should leave him alone, or if he needs me right now. He punches the bag a few more times, and then turns to face me.
“Go to bed,” he says, before ignoring me.
“I’ll wait for you,” I tell him, not backing down. He stops and his body goes rigid. He then turns, walking towards me.
“You don’t want to be around me right now,” he says. His knuckles are red but not split, and there is sweat tricking down his bare chest. I take a step, so we’re so close that we’re almost touching.
“Don’t push me away, Ry,” I say, putting my hand on his arm.
He stares at it for a second before replying. “I’m not pushing you away I just need?”
I cut in, “I know what you need.”
“You don’t want me to f*ck you right now,” he says, turning his back on me and walking back to the centre of the room. Bristling a little at his rejection, I head back into his bedroom and take my robe off, getting under the sheets. Since it doesn’t look like I’ll be getting any action tonight, I decide to take care of it myself. I stroke my fingers over my nipples, then trailing them down over my stomach, past my belly button and…
“What are you doing?” he asks in a tone that lets me know he knows exactly what I was doing.
I pull the sheet up to my chin. “Nothing,” I lie. He rips the sheet off me, his eyes raking over my naked body.
“You sure you want me right now?” he says, his eyes still on my body.
I shiver. “Yes.”
As soon as the word leaves my mouth, he’s on me, kissing my lips roughly and tangling his hands in my hair. His body is still damp with perspiration, and I moan at the friction of his body against my nipples. He smells so good, all Ryan, cologne and sweat. He pulls his mouth away, straddling my hips without putting any weight on my body. He lifts a finger to his mouth, sucking on it before reaching his hand back and gently stroking me. I mouth the word ‘f*ck’ as he slides a thick finger inside me. He’s still wearing his basketball shorts, and I need him to take them off. Now. I lift my hands up, sticking my thumbs into each side of his waistband, and slowly lower them. My gaze hungrily takes in my favourite part on a man, the sexy V that points to something I wouldn’t mind having my mouth wrapped around right now…
I look up into his eyes, darker than usual, and see him smirk. He moves off me and rolls me over onto my stomach. I hear him take off his shorts, then lean over me and kiss me on my neck. He pulls my hair aside and trails kisses down my neck, and all the way down my spine. I beg for him to give me more, but he takes his time with me, until I lose my patience. I lift myself up on my knees and push back against him, hoping he can take a damn hint. When I feel his tongue suddenly on me, I call out his name, fisting the sheets with white knuckles. His tongue leaves me, and I sigh in disappointment, until he slides into me, thrusting hard, the headboard banging with each movement.
I push back against him, loving the feel of him. He puts his hand on the back of my neck, gently holding me in place. He reaches down between us and toys with my *, pushing me over the edge. I bite down on the pillow as I reach my peak, my thighs quaking. Ryan quickens his speed, and I know he’s now concentrating on himself, on getting him to where I’ve just been. I turn my head to look at him. When he sees my eyes on him he leans down and kisses me, long hard and wet.
“I love you,” he tells me as he finishes, slamming into me for the last time.
“Love you, too,” I mumble, feeling tired and sleepy, and so f*cking relaxed and satisfied. He pulls out of me, and spoons me from behind.
“Why do you put up with me?” he asks. Ryan rarely gets moody. Unless he’s jealous, or feeling some other caveman tendency, he is generally easy going, quick to joke and playful. When he does get into a mood where he snaps at me, he usually feels bad afterwards, and is always sure to make up for it. While Reid is generally broody all the time, Ryan has a temper that hardly comes out, but when it does, people better run.
“For the sex,” I reply, earning me a playful bite on my shoulder. “Okay fine, you also bring me food all the time. That’s a really good quality in a man.”
I kiss him on the back of his hand. “Because, Ryan Knox, I always knew you were going to be mine. I’ll never love anyone how I love you, and because you have a really huge?” He cuts me off by turning my face and kissing me.
*****
After trying all different kinds of social networks and coming up with nothing, we decide to ask Summer’s dad for help. Apparently, he has all kinds of badass connections, plus since he used to be friends with Ryan’s dad, maybe he knew something about her. Anything at all. Jack Kane is a scary looking man, with tattoos and a beard. He looks like a biker, but he has kind eyes and a nice laugh.
“Now what?” I ask Ryan as we leave Jack’s house. Jack had no idea about Persephone. In fact, he seemed as shocked as we were. I take his hand as he leads me to his bike.
“Now, beautiful, you are going to teach your class and I’m going to the bar.”
I look at my watch. “F*ck.”
Ryan laughs. “Yes, we better hurry our asses.”
I pause at his bike. “How are you feeling?”
“Surprisingly optimistic, actually,” he says, tugging on a curl of hair. “I think you might have something to do with that.”
“Me?”
“Yes, you.”
“What did I do?” I ask, wrapping my arms around him.
“Well, you’re here for one,” he says, his eyes soft.
He’s so damn sweet. “Can we fit in a quickie before work?”
Ryan laughs. “Look what I’ve created. Or were you like this before we got back together?” he says, his look turning dark. Ahh, the huge elephant in the room. I haven’t told Ryan yet that I haven’t been with anyone else. It makes me look kind of pathetic, but at the same time I guess it’s a little romantic.
Who am I kidding, it’s definitely pathetic.
“Well… uhh… you see,” I ramble, feeling a little awkward.
His jaw ticks. “Let’s go,” he says, turning his back on me and putting on his helmet. I do the same, sighing and getting on behind him.
We get home and he walks me to my door. “Will you come to the bar tonight to see me?” he asks.
I nod, “Sure, I’ll be there around nine with Isis.”
“Okay,” he says leaning down to give me a quick kiss. “Look about before, I’m sorry. I have no reason to be angry, considering… f*ck. I’m sorry. I love you.”
“I love you too, but, Ryan?”
He cuts me off, “You don’t have to explain.” He gives me a small smile and then walks away.
*****
Isis giggles and smooths down her dress. Pre-drinks were not a good idea. I only had one drink, but Isis decided four was a nice even number.
“Tag is going to love me in this dress,” she says, beaming.
I laugh. “Have you even seen him since that night?”
“Well, no. But the chemistry was undeniable.”
“So is that what those drinks were about? Liquid courage?” I ask, crossing the road to the bar.
She hiccups. “I guess so.” I don’t think Tag is going to be turned on if she’s sloppy drunk, so I hope she sobers up a little before trying to approach him.
“How do I look?” she asks. She’s wearing a white dress; this one strapless and peplum. With all her beautiful red hair, she kind of looks like Ariel from ‘The Little Mermaid.’
“Beautiful.”
“Thank you. You look hot too. You’re totes, a babe,” she says, nodding appreciatively as she gives me a once over. Great, drunk Isis says ‘totes.’ We walk to the bar’s entrance arm in arm, and instantly hear the music and laughter. The place is pretty packed tonight. I can’t help but feel a sense of pride as I walk in. Ryan has really done well for himself. Ryan, Tag and Reid are all serving customers, and I instantly know why the bar is filled with women. Reid is wearing a black T-shirt, and Ryan is wearing white. Apart from Reid’s scar and their different hairstyles, you can’t tell them apart. Tag is wearing a tight white singlet, showing off his muscles. This is like the male version of f*cking Hooters. I try to tone down the jealousy, but as I look around and wonder which one of these girls Ryan has been with, I start to grind my teeth. Ryan spots me and smiles, biting his bottom lip as he sees what I’m wearing. High waisted denim shorts and a black crop top, showing about two inches of my stomach. Paired with red platform heels, I think I clean up pretty well.
“I want to run my hands over that bald head,” Isis says into my ear. I scrunch up my face at that visual, and head to the bar as I see Ryan walk towards me.
“Look at you,” he says, pulling me into his arms and kissing me. “What do you want to drink?”
“Juice for me and I think Isis needs a water,” I tell him, looking behind me at Isis who is blowing Tag a flying kiss. Get some game woman! Ryan chuckles and leads me to the stool right in front of where he was standing. He lifts me onto the chair, giving me a look so heated, I forget all about my jealousy and insecurities.
“You take my breath away,” he says so only I can hear. “I’m going to f*ck you in those heels tonight.”
I blush. Ryan leads Isis to her seat and helps her up; he says something to her before getting back behind the bar. Reid and Tag both say hello, and Ryan gets us our drinks. I don’t bother trying to pay because last time Ryan made a scene over it when I told him I wanted to. He went all dramatic and told me that this bar was mine, and if I wanted cash, I could take it from the cash register. He then opened said register and asked me how much I wanted. I want to kill him all over again at the memory.
Isis looks at the bottle of water and then narrows her eyes. “Water? Really?”
I shrug. She isn’t slurring her words so she can’t be too drunk, but I’d rather be safe than sorry.
“One water, then one drink,” she says, nodding her head like we made a deal.
I grin. “Are you bartering with me?”
“It’s called compromise, and… wait what was I talking about? Oh, hi Tag,” she says, leaning on her palm.
“Isis,” he says, smiling. “Taiya, looking gorgeous I see.”
“Always,” I answer, winking at him. He chuckles and looks behind us, asking if anyone is waiting to be served. I look for Ryan, and frown when I see him at the opposite side of the bar talking to a woman. He’s shaking his head no at her, while she leans closer to say something to him. Who exactly is that? It could just be a friend. Men have women friends all the time, right? When she reaches up her hand to touch his jaw, I have my answer. Ryan looks over at me, as if checking to see if I saw that, grimacing when he realises I did. The woman follows his line of direction and her lips tighten. She walks away, and I see Ryan rub the back of his neck, as if steeling himself before having to deal with me. I look away and down into my juice, moving the ice cubes around with the straw.
“Tay,” he says, wrapping me in his arms from behind.
“Who was that?” I ask, not beating around the bush.
He sighs, like he knew the interrogation was coming. “Someone I used to know.”
“Right, and I get that, Ryan, but why was she touching you now?”
“She didn’t know I was taken.” Then he mutters under his breath, “And she didn’t believe me when I told her I was.”
I nod. “Why would they believe you, right? I mean you’ve been every woman’s go-to-cock for the last year.”
He flinches at my comment, gripping the bridge of his nose. “It’s going to happen, beautiful, and each time I’m going to tell them I’m not interested.”
That mollifies me somewhat, and I know I may be overreacting, but it still hurts. “Stupid whore,” I mutter under my breath.
“She’s not a whore just because she slept with me, babe. Don’t be like that,” he says, sounding disappointed. Disappointed! In me!
“Are you sticking up for her?” I ask, my mouth gaping.
“No, but it’s not her fault, is it? I’m the one in the wrong, not her.”
You know how in books, the man usually sleeps around a lot and doesn’t really care or respect anyone’s feelings, but when he meets the woman he changes instantly, treating her like a queen because she’s different and not skanky. Why couldn’t Ryan be like that! My rational side knows that Ryan respects all women. He doesn’t judge them or treat them badly. I should be happy about that, be proud that this man is mine. But right now, all I can see is him sticking up for a woman who had her hands on his face, and has had his dick in her body. I see red.
“I see,” I say, drawing out each word.
Ryan scrubs his hands over his face, probably wondering what exactly I’m seeing and what it means for him.
“You’ve been married to me this whole time, and it didn’t stop you then, did it. You’re acting like we only just got married.”
I see the first flash of anger in his eyes. “Well, you’re the one who left me that letter. What did it say in it again? Oh, that’s right,” he says, dramatically drawing out the syllables of the last three words, “‘Move on without me, because I’ll be doing the same.’ You can’t throw it in my face now, Tay. That’s really not fair. If you didn’t leave me that letter, you think I would have ever touched another woman?”
His question hangs heavily in the air between us. The taste of regret is thick and bitter. Isis sticks her head in, frowning. “You okay, Taiya?” she asks, narrowing her pale blue eyes on Ryan.
“I’m fine,” I tell her, forcing a smile. The bar gets crowded and Ryan leaves to help out.
“What was that about?” she asks, downing the last of her water.
I swallow hard, watching him. “Nothing,” I say, not wanting to ruin her night with my problems. “Shall we get a drink?”
“A real drink?”
I laugh. “Yes, a real drink.”
“Okay, I’ll get us something,” she says, a little too cheerfully if you ask me. She walks straight up to Tag, almost pushing some other woman out of the way. Ryan’s words replay in my mind. Why did I leave that stupid letter? I was hurt, that’s why. I was devastated, and trying to save face. I told him in the letter to consider us separated, and to move on because I wasn’t his anymore. I wrote it just after I saw him with her, and left it for him, covered in my tears. I can put the blame on him all I want, but the truth is that I messed up too. I shouldn’t have left, shouldn’t have left that letter. I know there’s no point in looking back, wondering what if. How do we move forward though? The past isn’t always so easy to forget, because it’s moulded us into who we are today.
“Here you go,” Isis says, handing me a tequila shot. With no lime or salt. Great.
“Tequila? Are you sur?”
She cuts me off, “Cheers!”
She swallows hers in one gulp, while I’m still staring at mine. Oh, what the hell. I tilt my head back, letting the alcohol slide down my throat, and then slam the shot glass down on the table. I can feel Ryan’s eyes on me, but I don’t look up at him. I’m still raw from our conversation. Isis saves me by grabbing my hand and pulling me towards the dance floor. Or at least the bar’s version of one.
A few songs later, Ryan grabs me from behind and spins me around. “All the men are watching you,” he growls, his jaw ticking.
I glance around, and it’s true; a few men’s eyes are on me. The thing is, I’m a dancer. I live to dance. I don’t dance for other people. I dance for me. So I don’t really care who’s watching, I just enjoy myself, getting lost in the music and the rhythm.
“So what?” I say. Not like I’m interested or going home with any of them.
He apparently doesn’t like my answer. “I don’t like them seeing you like this.”
“Like what?” I ask.
He leans down and speaks into my ear. “You look so f*cking sexy, dancing like this. You look so free. I don’t like them seeing you.”
I bite the inside of my cheek. “So what? You want me to sit in the corner and do nothing?” I’m having déjà vu right now. Ryan and I have had this fight before. I remember when I used to perform at high school concerts and he used to complain about the whole school seeing my ‘moves.’ He’s ridiculous. I tell him so. Isis pulls him to dance, and I laugh as he awkwardly tries to move away from her. She pulls him back and starts doing a half-grinding half-thrusting move, and he stares at me with a ‘please help me’ look. I grin, and walk back to the bar, leaving him to his own devices. I sit in front of Tag, who is watching Ryan and laughing.
“Threw him to the wolves, did you?” he asks, a humorous glint in his eyes.
I raise an eyebrow. “Are you calling my best friend a she wolf?”
He grins. “She’s beautiful…”
“But?”
“But… I’m not really looking for something right now. I haven’t even been with a woman in a few weeks, and I’m usually the one who…” He looks at me, realising who he’s talking to and clears his throat. “Well, let’s just say I made Ryan look like a choir boy.”
“Nice,” I say dryly.
He winces. “I’m sorry, for what it’s worth he never even thought about getting serious with anyone after you left. It was you or no one.”
“By no one, you mean endless bouts of meaningless sex?”
He pours me a juice and slides it over. “He was trying to forget you. It was his coping mechanism. I’m sure you did what you had to do to try and get over him, to try and move on with your life.”
I sip on the juice, not saying anything. “He’s a good man,” Tag says, not taking his eyes off me.
“I know,” I tell him.
“Don’t hurt him, Taiya,” Tag says softly, his baldhead cocked to the side.
“He’s the one who f*cked up and hurt me,” I say, turning to watch him dance with Isis.
“I think he’s paid his price, haven’t you?” he says, before leaving to serve someone.
“Are you okay?” Reid asks. I turn to face him and smile.
“I’m fine. Where’s Summer?” I ask him, moving the subject away from me. He gives me a look that says he knows what I’m doing, but answers me anyway.
“She’s at her brother’s house.”
I’m about to reply when Ryan comes up behind me and wraps his arms around me.
“Let’s go home.”
“Now?” I ask, looking around for Isis.
“Yes, Reid is taking Isis home. She wants to stay a little longer.”
I stand up. “Okay.” I say bye to Isis, Tag and Reid. Ryan practically pulls me out of the bar.
“What’s the rush?” I ask.
“Need to be inside you.”
“Oh.”
“Yes, oh.”
He starts his bike and I hold on tight.