I'm delirious, she thought.
Not that it mattered. She decided she would walk all night rather than sleep in one of those cars. If this were only the Midwest again. She could have found a barn, a haystack, a field of clover. A clean, soft place. Out here there was only the road, the sand, the baked hardpan of the desert.
She brushed her long hair away from her face and dully realized that she wished she was dead.
Now the sun was below the horizon, the day perfectly poised between light and dark. The wind that now slipped over her was dead cold. She looked around herself, suddenly afraid.
It was too cold.
The buttes had become dark monoliths. The sand dunes were like ominous toppled colossi. Even the spiny stands of saguaro were like the skeletal fingers of the accusing dead, poking up out of the sand from their shallow graves.
Overhead, the cosmic wheel of the sky.
A snatch of lyric occurred to her, a Dylan song, cold and comfortless: Hunted like a crocodile... ravaged in the corn...
And on the heels of that, some other song, an Eagles song, suddenly frightening: And I want to sleep with you in the desert tonight... with a million stars all around...
Suddenly she knew he was there.
Even before he spoke, she knew.
"Nadine." His soft voice, coming out of the growing darkness. Infinitely soft, the final enveloping terror that was like coming home.
"Nadine, Nadine... how I love to love Nadine."
She turned around and there he was, as she had always known he would be someday, a thing as simple as this. He was sitting on the hood of an old Chevrolet sedan (had it been there a moment ago? she didn't know for sure, but she didn't think it had been), his legs crossed, his hands laid lightly on the knees of his faded jeans. Looking at her and smiling gently. But his eyes were not gentle at all. They gave lie to the idea that this man felt anything gentle. In them she saw a black glee that danced endlessly like the legs of a man fresh through the trapdoor in a gibbet platform.
"Hello," she said. "I'm here."
"Yes. At last you're here. As promised." His smile broadened and he held his hands out to her. She took them, and as she reached him she felt his baking heat. He radiated it, like a well-stoked brick oven. His smooth, lineless hands slipped around hers... and then closed over them tight, like handcuffs.
"Oh, Nadine," he whispered, and bent to kiss her. She turned her head just a little, looking up at the cold fire of the stars, and his kiss was on the hollow below her jaw rather than on her lips. He wasn't fooled. She felt the mocking curve of his grin against her flesh.
He revolts me, she thought.
But revulsion was only a scaly crust over something worse - a caked and long-hidden lust, an ageless pimple finally brought to a head and about to spew forth some noisome fluid, some sweetness long since curdled. His hands, slipping over her back, were much hotter than her sunburn. She moved against him, and suddenly the slim saddle between her legs seemed plumper, fuller, more tender, more aware. The seam of her slacks was chafing her in a delicately obscene way that made her want to rub herself, get rid of the itch, cure it once and for all.
"Tell me one thing," she said.
"Anything."
"You said, 'As promised.' Who promised me to you? Why me? And what do I call you? I don't even know that. I've known about you for most of my life, and I don't know what to call you."
"Call me Richard. That's my real name. Call me that."
"That's your real name? Richard?" she asked doubtfully, and he giggled against her neck, making her skin crawl with loathing and desire. "And who promised me?"
"Nadine," he said, "I have forgotten. Come on."
He slipped off the hood of the car, still holding her hands, and she almost jerked them away and ran... but what good would that have done? He would only chase after her, catch her, rape her.
"The moon," he said. "It's full. And so am I." He brought her hand down to the smooth and faded crotch of his jeans and there was something terrible there, beating with a life of its own beneath the notched coldness of his zipper.
"No," she muttered, and tried to pull her hand away, thinking how far this was from that other moonstruck night, how impossibly far. This was at the other end of time's rainbow.
He held her hand against him. "Come out in the desert and be my wife," he said.
"No!"
"It's much too late to say no, dear."
She went with him. There was a bedroll, and the blackened bones of a campfire under the silver bones of the moon.
He laid her down.
"All right," he breathed. "All right, then." His fingers worked his belt buckle, then the button, then the zipper.
She saw what he had for her and began to scream.