Why would she want to keep us in the dark - literal y? Was it very important to her that we stay ignorant? Important enough to get Diego in trouble? I was working myself into a real panic, frozen solid. If I stil could sweat, I would have been sweating now. I had to refocus to turn the next page, to keep my eyes down.
Was Riley deceived, or was he in on it, too? When Riley'd said he thought he'd lost two more to the sun, did he mean the sun literal y... or the lie about the sun?
If it was the second option, then to know the truth meant being lost. Panic scattered my thoughts. I tried to be rational and make sense of it. It was harder without Diego. Having someone to talk to, to interact with, sharpened my ability to concentrate. Without that, fear sucked at the edges of my thoughts, twisted with the always-present thirst. The lure of blood was constantly close to the surface. Even now, decently wel fed, I could feel the burn and the need. Think about her, think about Riley, I told myself. I had to understand why they would lie - if they were lying - so that I could try to figure out what it would mean to them that Diego knew their secret.
If they hadn't lied, if they'd just told us al that the day was as safe for us as the night, how would that change things? I imagined what it would be like if we didn't have to be contained in a blacked-out basement al day, if the twenty-one of us - maybe fewer now, depending on how the hunting parties were getting along - were free to do what we wanted whenever we wanted to.
We would want to hunt. That was a given.
If we didn't have to come back, if we didn't have to hide...
wel, many of us wouldn't come back very regularly. It was hard to focus on the return while the thirst was in charge. But Riley had dril ed so deeply into al of us the threat of burning, of a return of that hideous pain we'd al experienced once. That was the reason we could stop ourselves. Self-preservation, the only instinct stronger than thirst.
So the threat kept us together. There were other hiding places, like Diego's cave, but who else thought about that kind of thing? We had a place to go, a base, so we went to it. Clear heads were not a vampire specialty. Or, at least, they weren't the specialty of young vampires. Riley was clearheaded. Diego was more clearheaded than I was. Those cloaked vampires were terrifyingly focused. I shuddered. So the routine wouldn't control us forever. What would they do when we were older, clearer? It struck me that nobody was older than Riley. Everyone here was new. She needed a bunch of us now for this mystery enemy. But what about afterward?
I had a strong feeling that I didn't want to be around for that part. And I suddenly realized something stupendously obvious. It was the solution that had tickled the edges of my understanding before, when I was tracking the vampire herd to this place with Diego.
I didn't have to be around for that part. I didn't have to be around for one more night.
I was a statue again as I thought over this stunning idea. If Diego and I hadn't known where the gang was most likely headed, would we ever have found them? Probably not. And that was a big group leaving a wide trail. What if it were a single vampire, one who could leap up onto the land, maybe into a tree, without leaving a trail at the edge of the water.... Just one, or maybe two vampires who could swim as far out to sea as they wanted... Who could return to land anywhere... Canada, California, Chile, China...
You would never be able to find those two vampires. They would be gone. Disappeared like they'd gone up in smoke. We didn't have to come back the other night! We shouldn't have! Why hadn't I thought of it then?
But... would Diego have agreed? I was abruptly not so sure of myself. Was Diego more loyal to Riley after al ? Would he have felt it was his responsibility to stand by Riley? He'd known Riley a lot longer - he'd real y only known me a day. Was he closer to Riley than he was to me?
I pondered that, frowning.
Wel, I would find out as soon as we had a minute alone. And then maybe, if our secret club real y meant something, it wouldn't matter what our creator had planned for us. We could disappear, and Riley would have to make do with nineteen vampires, or make some new ones quick. Either way, not our problem.
I couldn't wait to tel Diego my plan. My gut instinct was that he would feel the same. Hopeful y.
Suddenly, I wondered if this was what had real y happened to Shel y and Steve and the other kids who had disappeared. I knew they hadn't burned in the sun. Had Riley only claimed he'd seen their ashes as another way to keep the rest of us afraid and dependent on him? Returning home to him every dawn?
Maybe Shel y and Steve had just set off on their own. No more Raoul. No enemies or armies threatening their immediate future.