Chapter Two
Adjusting the last place setting on the table, Emma Harrison stepped back to surmise how everything looked. Not that her three best friends really cared about the set-up. Tonight was about camaraderie and support rather than appearances. But the perfectionist and Public Relations side of Emma felt the need for everything to be just right.
Candlelight flickered throughout the dining room while muted orchestra music played festive holiday carols in the background. Although it was Christmas time, the centerpiece of the table wasn’t poinsettias. Instead, it was a huge arrangement of vibrant wild flowers—much like the ones in the mountains where she had grown up. In the middle of the flowers was a picture of her late fiancée, Travis.
Today was December 15th--the five year anniversary of his death. The day that marked the end of the perfect life they had together. It had all been taken away because a drunk driver leaving a holiday party had crossed the center line—killing himself and Travis instantly.
Most people couldn’t fathom having a celebration of life party for someone who was dead. But when the first anniversary of Travis’s death approached, Emma’s best friend since 7th grade, Connor Montgomery, broached the subject of marking the date each year with drinks and dinner from Travis’s favorite restaurant. Emma had liked the idea and invited along Travis’s roommate and best friend from medical school, Nate Rossi, and his fiancée, Casey Turner, who happened to be her best friend as well.
The first year they had tried eating at the restaurant, but it was too loud and crazy for the emotions they were feeling. The next year they decided to host it at someone’s house—with the same food and drinks but with a more intimate type setting for the somewhat somber occasion.
The doorbell ringing brought her out of her thoughts. She hurried to the front door and threw it open. “Hi guys!” she cried.
Her best friends of seven years, Casey and Nate, stood on the porch, bundled in coats and scarves from the December chill. Casey waved her hands, which both held wine bottles. “Hello, hello. We come bearing spirits.”
Emma laughed as she eyed the alcohol in Nate’s hands as well. “I’m glad to hear it. Connor texted me about five minutes ago that he was on his way from picking up dinner.”
Nate grinned as he and Casey stepped into the foyer. “It’s only for my love of Travis that I eat the Olive Garden’s alleged Italian food.”
Shrugging out of her coat, Casey nodded. “Remember the time we took him to a more authentic place Downtown, and he was like, ‘This isn’t real Italian food!’.”
“Poor Travis. He had too much of the mountains in him to be very continental,” Emma mused.
Nate shook his head. “That was just part of his charm.”
Emma smiled. “That’s true.” She’d just hung up their coats when Connor burst through the door, laden down with food bags.
“I’m here, so we can get this party started,” he bellowed.
“I think I might be slightly more excited for the food than your presence,” Emma teased.
“Whatever,” he replied, leaning in to kiss her cheek. He then made his way past her into the dining room to deposit the food bags on the table. Plates were passed around, and the food was slid from plastic to-go containers onto Emma’s late mother’s china. Then the wine was poured into crystal goblets. Once everything was ready, they sat down.
Throughout dinner, the wine flowed as freely as the conversation. For a while, they danced around the ghosts of the past by catching up with the present. It wasn’t until the plates had been cleared that Travis once again became the topic of conversation. “Please tell me you made Trav’s favorite dessert?” Connor asked, rubbing his belly.
Emma grinned. “What do you think?”
Connor’s eyes rolled back in bliss. “Thank God. I’ve been craving Red Velvet cake all week!”
After heading into the kitchen for the cake courtesy of her Grammy’s secret recipe, Emma came back into the dining room. As she passed around the slices, they began to follow through with another tradition—telling a favorite Travis story.
When it came time for Connor’s, he took a long gulp of wine. “My favorite Travis story…” He inhaled deeply as he cocked his head. “It would probably be when I came out to him.”
Emma groaned and covered her eyes. “Oh God, not that one.”
Nate glanced between her and Casey. “Wait, I don’t think I’ve heard this one.”
Casey shook her head. “Me either.”
Connor grinned. “See, I’ve saved the best story for last.”
Emma snorted. “I don’t know about that one.”
After shooting her a look, Connor continued. “So picture it—”
Emma giggled. “What is this, the Golden Girls with Sophia and ‘Picture it—Sicily?”
Connor cleared his throat. “Can I just tell my damn story please?”
“Fine, fine.”
“So as I was saying, here we were in an empty football locker-room. Travis and I had equipment duty, so we’re the last ones back in from practice. We’re standing there in nothing but our jock-straps, and it just hits me—”
“That you’re in love with Travis?” Casey asked.
“God no!” Connor replied. He turned to Emma and smiled. “No offense, Em. But Travis was so not my type.”
She grinned. “None taken. Now finish the story.”
“Anyway, so he’s getting his shit out of his locker to go take a shower, and I know it’s now or never time. I mean, I’d come out to Emma like a few weeks before. Like her, Travis had been my best guy friend since middle school, so I knew he needed to know. My heart was thundering so loud in my ears I was sure he could hear me. But I knew that I couldn’t wait one more day, least of all a minute, without telling him that I was gay. So, I grabbed his shoulder, whirled him around, and said, “Trav, I know you’re going to hate me after I tell you this, and I’ll understand if you never speak to me again. But dude, I’m gay.”
Nate’s dark eyes widened. “Holy shit. What did he do?”
Connor’s lips curved into a wide smile. “He goes, ‘Conman, that’s nice of you to want to unburden yourself to me when we’re both stark ass naked, but I’ve known you were batting for the other team for a long, long time. And I could give a shit less. You’re my buddy, and that’s all that matters’.”
Casey glanced over at Emma. “Had you told Travis about Connor coming out?”
Emma furiously shook her head. “No, of course not. It wasn’t my story to tell.”
With a laugh, Connor said, “You could have knocked me over with a feather at his reaction. But that was Trav. On the one hand, he was this typical, rough and tumble, manly man jock. But then he also had a hell of a tender side.” Connor sighed. “He was the sweetest, most accepting guy I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. And one of the best friends I’ve ever had.”
Tears stung Emma’s eyes. “That’s true.”
Casey held up her wine glass. “To Travis. One hell of a stand-up guy who was taken from us far too soon.”
Emma leaned forward and clinked her glass with the others. “To Travis.”
***
At a little before midnight, Casey and Nate started to leave. As Nate helped Casey slide on her coat, she asked, “So we’re still on for the office party tomorrow night, right?”
Emma wrinkled her nose. “I don’t know, Case.”
“And why not?” Casey asked.
“After tonight, the last thing I want to do is get dressed up for a bunch of meaningless conversations over cocktails and hors d’ouvers.”
Casey wagged her finger at her. “With Nate working, you promised you would be my date. Besides, you haven’t been at the company that long. You need to make an appearance.”
Emma exhaled a defeated breath. As much as she hated to admit it, Casey was right. After four years at her old job, she had transferred to Burke and Company back in October at the request of one of her former work colleagues. Her boss, Therese, had pulled a lot of strings to get her the job and the sizeable pay increase. Emma knew couldn’t let Therese down.
“Fine, fine. I’ll be your date.”
Casey grinned. “Good. I’m glad to hear it. And wear something super sexy. Since it’s the building Christmas party, there will be more than just the eligible, single guys at our company.”
Rolling her eyes, Emma asked, “Let me guess. You would advocate the green dress you picked out for me to wear when I sang at that corporate party last year?”
“Ooh, the one that’s practically backless, has a plunging neckline, and shows off that fabulous rack of yours?”
“Yes, that one.”
Casey bobbed her head. “Oh yeah, you’ll have the men eating out of the palm of your hand.”
“Fabulous,” Emma muttered.
After giving Nate and Casey both lingering hugs, they headed out onto the porch. “Bye guys. Love you lots,” Emma said, waving one last time before she closed the door. She walked back into the living room and then flopped down on the couch beside Connor. Letting out a long, drawn out sigh, she gripped one of the pillows to her chest.
“It’s no good, Em.”
“What?” she asked.
“The act you’ve got going on.”
Emma cocked her eyebrows at Connor. “What act? I think it’s time to cut off your wine, especially if you won’t crash here for the night.” When she reached to take his glass, he smacked her hand away causing them both to laugh.
“You’re unhappy. I can tell.”
“Of course I am. Today always makes me sad,” she argued.
Connor shook his head. “There’s more than that.” He leaned closer to her to where their thighs and shoulders bumped together. “Tell me.”
Nibbling her lip, Emma stared down at her lap. “You know what it is.”
“The baby thing?”
She nodded.
“Is it because of mine and Travis’s last phone call?” When Emma shrugged, Connor gave her a sad smile. “I’ll never forget the way he sounded that day. I don’t think I had ever heard him happier in all my life—well, except for the night of your engagement party. ‘Conman, you’re never going to believe it. I’m going to be a daddy!’ he said.”
Tears stung Emma’s eyes as the painful memory seared into her soul began to fester and burn. She’d been a week late for her period. She was an emotional wreck thinking she was pregnant, but Travis was ecstatic. Although they had been engaged for over a year, Emma still didn’t want to consent to them getting married. There was Travis’s medical school to think of and her starting her career. But Travis didn’t care about any of that—he just wanted Emma to be his wife.
Sniffling, Emma wiped the back of her hand across her nose. “He kept saying, ‘Yeah, now you’ll have to go ahead and marry me like I’ve been beggin’ you to’!” she said, her voice choked with emotion. She didn’t stop to wipe the tears rolling down her cheeks. “He never knew any different. I got my period after he left for work the day he was killed.”
Connor reached over and drew her into his arms. Hard, guttural sobs wracked her body as Connor rocked her back and forth. “Emmie Lou, he died one of the happiest men in the world. Be thankful for that.”
“I am…but he never should have died. He should be here with me. He should be with Nate doing his internship, and we…we should have children.”
“It’s no good to think that way,” Connor argued. He pulled away to cup her face in his hands. “You have to move on. Travis would want you to be happy—to find someone else to make a life with and to become a mother like you’ve always dreamed of.”
At his mention of motherhood, Emma’s breath caught. An idea—a somewhat crazy notion for someone like her—had been flickering within her for months. As much as she tried pushing it aside while rationalizing that it couldn’t or wouldn’t work, it continued to grow. “Connor, if I asked you do something for me, would you?”
His dark brows shot up questioningly. “Why do I feel I should probably say no?”
“Please?”
“What is it?”
Hesitating, she drew in a deep breath. She wasn’t sure if she could actually come out and admit it. Finally, she found the courage to ask, “Will you have a baby with me?”
Jerking his hands from her face, Connor shot off the couch. “Excuse me?”
“You’re the only man in the world I love. I want you to give me the child I’ve always wanted—I want you to be my baby’s father.”
Connor’s eyes bulged. “Emma, you do recall that I am very gay and in a relationship with a man that I love. I can’t…” He raked his hands wildly through his hair. “I wouldn’t even know how to begin to do that with you.”
At his bewildered expression and his words, Emma couldn’t help laughing. “I’m not asking you to sleep with me to conceive the baby.”
“You’re not?”
Emma shook her head. “No, of course not. I meant that I wanted you to be my sperm donor—like in a clinic and all, not a bedroom.”
Staring at her in shock, realization finally dawned on Connor, and he let out a long, exaggerated breath. “Oh…thank God.”
“But thanks for letting me know that having sex with me would be the greatest nightmare of your life,” Emma joked.
With an apologetic smile, Connor sat back down with her on the couch. “Don’t be offended, Emmie Lou. You know the ‘no women for me’ ship sailed a long time ago.”
“Hmm, yes, I believe I had something to do with that back then as well.”
Connor winced. “I just thought if I tried making out with a girl, I’d know once and for all if I was really gay.”
Emma laughed. “And I’m glad I helped you figure it out.”
With a grin, Connor said, “If I remember it correctly, I did get it up for you.”
“Oh, ew!” she cried before covering her face with her hands. She immediately thought back to Connor’s fifteenth birthday party. All their other friends had left, leaving them alone in his parents’ basement. Although girls were crazy about him, Connor never settled down or dated much. Instead, he preferred flirting with them and hanging out with Emma.
After sneaking half a bottle of his dad’s Jack Daniels, he tearfully confided in Emma that he thought he might not be attracted to girls at all. He begged her to let him kiss her, to make out with her to see if he really was gay. Considering she’d never gone past first base with anyone, she was more than a little reluctant. Emma peeked at him through her fingers and shook her head. “I can’t believe you were the first guy to feel me up.”
Connor chuckled. “I do believe I did a little more than feeling you up. I’m pretty sure I dry humped you into oblivion that night until I came in my pants!”
Emma smacked his arm playfully. “Ugh, I can’t believe you remember all that.”
“Yeah, it wasn’t just the fact I was making out with my best friend that was a major turn off. It was that to finally… come I had to fantasize about a dude.”
Rolling her eyes, Emma said, “Once again, thank you so much for reminding me of that fact. It’s totally not given me a complex or anything in my extreme dateless state!”
“Oh come on, Emmie Lou, you had half the male population jonesing for you back in the day, and if you got your head out of your ass and back into the dating game, you would see that straight dudes everywhere want to bang that hot bod of yours.”
“Yeah, they want to bang me. They just don’t want to get to know me or have committed relationship. Once they find out I’m old-fashioned and won’t have sex right off the bat, they run away.”
After an awkward silence, Connor sighed. “This is where you bring up the baby part again, right?”
“I can’t believe you would act so surprised about it all. You know how much I want a child—how I’ve always wanted a big family. I’ll be thirty in a few months. It’s not now or never time, but it’s getting close.”
“So why not find some dude to settle down with and have kids. You know, get on Eharmony or something like that. I mean, surely Nate has to know some eligible men to hook you up with.”
Emma huffed with frustration. “I’ve not had an actual relationship since Travis, and I’m not sure if there’s really anyone else out there for me.”
“But you haven’t even tried. I mean, with your mom’s cancer and her dying, you shut down for so long. Maybe it’s time to really put yourself back out there again,” Connor argued.
Shaking her head, Emma said, “Aren’t you listening to me? I want a baby. All my life has been loss and death.” She brought her hand to her abdomen. “I want life growing within me—a part of me and my parents.”
“Em—”
Tears sparkled in her eyes. “I have so much love to give a child. Please, Connor.”
He grabbed his wine glass and downed the remaining contents. He then rose off the couch to stumble back into the dining room. Emma watched as he snatched the last wine bottle and refilled his glass. When he came back to the doorway, he shook his head. “But why do you need me? Why can’t you just go to a sperm bank and pick out a sample from a Brad Pitt with a 170 IQ?”
“Because I don’t care about Brad Pitt looks and high IQ’s.”
Connor snorted. “Thanks a hell of a lot. You sure don’t know how to sweeten the pot, do you?”
Emma rolled her eyes. “That’s not what I meant. I was thinking way past superficial things, but while we’re on the subject, yes, you will bring the most excellent DNA to my baby, both in looks and in intelligence, okay?”
“Whatever,” he grumbled before taking another long gulp of wine. He flopped back down on the couch beside her.
“Connor, don’t you see the bigger picture here. If I can’t have a baby with someone I’m romantically in love with, I still want it to be with someone I love. I know you’re a good and decent person, and you would be such a good father.” When he didn’t say anything, Emma leaned closer to him. “And think about your parents. Besides Grammy and Granddaddy, my baby wouldn’t have grandparents, and I know that yours are amazing to your sister’s kids.”
“That’s true,” he murmured, still not meeting her expectant gaze.
Emma sighed. She knew she had just thrown him for a loop, and it was going to take him awhile to process everything. “Look, I’m sorry that I brought it up.” When she started to rise off the couch, Connor grabbed her arm.
“Okay.”
She furrowed her brows at him. “Okay what?”
He exhaled noisily. “Okay, I’ll be your baby daddy or sperm donor or whatever.”
Emma’s chest constricted, and she almost couldn’t breathe. “Really?”
Connor nodded. “Yeah, why not.”
“But are you sure? I mean, you don’t need more time to think about it?”
“Nope. Let’s have a baby.”
Emma squealed with pleasure before throwing her arms around Connor’s neck and squeezing him tight. “Oh my God! I can’t believe you’re really going to do it!” She pulled away to kiss both his cheeks. “I love you so very much.”
“I love you too, Emmie Lou.”
She nuzzled her head against his neck. “But what made you change your mind?”
“Travis.”
Emma jerked her gaze up to meet his. A grin curved on Connor’s lips. “It was like I could almost hear him telling me to do it—to make you happy since he couldn’t.”
A mixture of happy and sad tears pooled in her eyes. “I can never thank you enough for doing this. I can’t imagine being happier than I am at this moment.”
He rubbed his thumb across her cheek. “I think the day we find out you’re good and knocked up will beat this one.”
She smiled. “Or the day our baby is born?”
Connor nodded. “And if it’s a boy, I wanna name him Travis—Travis Connor Montgomery.”
“I would like nothing more, especially for the baby to have your last name.” She titled her head at him. “But what if it’s a girl?”
“Travisina?” Connor suggested.
Emma giggled. “No, I don’t think so.”
Connor laughed. “We’ve got time to work on a girl’s name.”
“As long as he or she is healthy, I don’t care what we have.”
He pushed away from her to grab up their wine glasses. “Let’s drink to our future child.”
“To our baby,” Emma said before toasting with Connor.
***