The white vegetables were crunchy in texture, woody in taste. Some kind of root. They weren’t as satisfying as the soup or as tasty as the bread, but I was grateful for their bulk. I wasn’t full—not close—and I probably would have started on the tray next if I thought I’d be able to chew through it.
It didn’t occur to me until I was finished that they shouldn’t be feeding me. Not unless Jared had lost the confrontation with the doctor. Though why would Jared be my guard if that were the case?
I slid the tray away when it was empty, cringing at the noise it made. I stayed pressed against the back wall of my bubble as Jared reached in to retrieve it. This time he didn’t look at me.
“Thank you,” I whispered as he disappeared again. He said nothing; there was no change in his face. Even the bit of his sleeve did not show this time, but I was sure he was there.
I can’t believe he hit me, Melanie mused, her thought incredulous rather than resentful. She was not over the surprise of it yet. I hadn’t been surprised in the first place. Of course he had hit me.
I wondered where you were, I answered. It would be poor manners to get me into this mess and then abandon me.
She ignored my sour tone. I wouldn’t have thought he’d be able to do it, no matter what. I don’t think I could hit him.
Sure you could. If he’d come at you with reflective eyes, you’d have done the same. You’re naturally violent. I remembered her daydreams of strangling the Seeker. That seemed like months ago, though I knew it was only days. It would make sense if it had been longer. It ought to take time to get oneself stuck in such a disastrous mire as the one I was in now.
Melanie tried to consider it impartially. I don’t think so. Not Jared… and Jamie, there’s no way I could hurt Jamie, even if he was… She trailed off, hating that line of thought.
I considered this and found it true. Even if the child had become something or someone else, neither she nor I could ever raise a hand to him.
That’s different. You’re like… a mother. Mothers are irrational here. Too many emotions involved.
Motherhood is always emotional—even for you souls.
I didn’t answer that.
What do you think is going to happen now?
You’re the expert on humans, I reminded her. It’s probably not a good thing that they’re giving me food. I can think of only one reason they’d want me strong.
The few specifics I remembered of historical human brutalities tangled in my head with the stories in the old newspaper we’d read the other day. Fire—that was a bad one. Melanie had burned all the fingerprints off her right hand once in a stupid accident, grabbing a pan she hadn’t realized was hot. I remembered how the pain had shocked her—it was so unexpectedly sharp and demanding.
It was just an accident, though. Quickly treated with ice, salves, medicine. No one had done it on purpose, continued on from the first sickening pain, drawing it out longer and longer…
I’d never lived on a planet where such atrocities could happen, even before the souls came. This place was truly the highest and the lowest of all worlds—the most beautiful senses, the most exquisite emotions… the most malevolent desires, the darkest deeds. Perhaps it was meant to be so. Perhaps without the lows, the highs could not be reached. Were the souls the exception to that rule? Could they have the light without the darkness of this world?
I… felt something when he hit you, Melanie interrupted. The words came slowly, one by one, as if she didn’t want to think them.
I felt something, too. It was amazing how natural it was to use sarcasm now, after spending so much time with Melanie. He’s got quite a backhand, doesn’t he?
That’s not what I meant. I mean… She hesitated for a long moment, and then the rest of the words came in a rush. I thought it was all me—the way we feel about him. I thought I was… in control of that.
The thoughts behind her words were clearer than the words themselves.
You thought you were able to bring me here because you wanted it so much. That you were controlling me instead of the other way around. I tried not to be annoyed. You thought you were manipulating me.
Yes. The chagrin in her tone was not because I was upset, but because she did not like being wrong. But…
I waited.
It came in a rush once more. You’re in love with him, too, separately from me. It feels different from the way I feel. Other. I didn’t see that until he was there with us, until you saw him for the first time. How did that happen? How does a three-inch-long worm fall in love with a human being?
Worm?
Sorry. I guess you sort of have… limbs.
Not really. They’re more like antennae. And I’m quite a bit longer than three inches when they’re extended.
My point is, he’s not your species.
My body is human, I told her. While I’m attached to it, I’m human, too. And the way you see Jared in your memories… Well, it’s all your fault.
She considered that for a moment. She didn’t like it much.
So if you had gone to Tucson and gotten a new body, you wouldn’t love him anymore now?
I really, really hope that’s true.