I stared at Sunny and Kyle for a moment, stunned, and then finished the circle.
Ian was watching me with a strange combination of joy and nervousness. His face was higher than it should have been, bigger than it used to be. But his eyes were still the blue I remembered. The anchor that held me to this planet.
“You okay in there?” he asked.
“I… I don’t know,” I admitted. “This feels very… weird. Every bit as weird as switching species. So much weirder than I would have thought. I… I don’t know.”
My heart fluttered again, looking into those eyes, and this was no memory of another lifetime’s love. My mouth felt dry, and my stomach quivered. The place where his arm touched my back felt more alive than the rest of my body.
“You don’t mind staying here too much, do you, Wanda? Do you think that maybe you could tolerate it?” he murmured.
Jamie squeezed my hand. Melanie put hers on top of his, then smiled when Jared added his to the pile. Trudy patted my foot. Geoffrey, Heath, Heidi, Andy, Paige, Brandt, and even Lily were beaming at me. Kyle had shuffled closer, a grin spreading across his face. Sunny’s smile was the smile of a coconspirator.
How much No Pain had Doc given me? Everything was glowing.
Ian brushed the cloud of golden hair back from my face and laid his hand on my cheek. His hand was so big just the palm covered from my jaw to my forehead; the contact sent a jolt of electricity through my silvery skin. It tingled after that first jolt, and the pit of my stomach tingled along with it.
I could feel a warm flush pinking my cheeks. My heart had never been broken before, but it had also never flown. It made me shy; I had a hard time finding my voice.
“I suppose I could do that,” I whispered. “If it makes you happy.”
“That’s not good enough, actually,” Ian disagreed. “It has to make you happy, too.”
I could only meet his gaze for a few seconds at a time; the shyness, so new and confusing to me, had my eyes dropping to my lap again and again.
“I… think it might,” I agreed. “I think it might make me very, very happy.”
Happy and sad, elated and miserable, secure and afraid, loved and denied, patient and angry, peaceful and wild, complete and empty… all of it. I would feel everything. It would all be mine.
Ian coaxed my face up until I looked him in the eyes, my cheeks flushing darker.
“Then you will stay.”
He kissed me, right in front of everyone, but I forgot the audience quickly. This was easy and right, no division, no confusion, no objection, just Ian and me, the molten rock moving through this new body, melding it into the pact.
“I will stay,” I agreed.
And my tenth life began.
EPILOGUE
Continued
Life and love went on in the last human outpost on the planet Earth, but things did not stay exactly the same.
I was not the same.
This was my first rebirth into a body of the same species. I found the transfer much more difficult than changing planets because I had so many expectations about being human already in place. Also, I’d inherited a lot of things from Petals Open to the Moon, and not all of them were pleasant.
I’d inherited a great deal of grief for Cloud Spinner. I missed the mother I’d never known and mourned for her suffering now. Perhaps there could be no joy on this planet without an equal weight of pain to balance it out on some unknown scale.
I’d inherited unexpected limitations. I was used to a body that was strong and fast and tall—a body that could run for miles, go without food and water, lift heavy weights, and reach high shelves. This body was weak—and not just physically. This body seized up with crippling shyness every time I was unsure of myself, which seemed to be often these days.
I’d inherited a different role in the human community. People carried things for me now and let me pass first into a room. They gave me the easiest chores and then, half the time, took the work right out of my hands anyway. Worse than that, I needed the help. My muscles were soft and not used to labor. I tired easily, and my attempts to hide that fooled no one. I probably couldn’t have run a mile without stopping.