No answer.
I pushed a little harder, hoping to pick up the direction of her thoughts. She tried to keep me out, to put the wall in place, but it was too weak from disuse. I saw her plan.
I tried to keep my mental tone even. Have you lost your mind?
In a manner of speaking, she teased halfheartedly.
You think that if you can make yourself disappear, that will stop me?
What else can I do to stop you? If you’ve got a better idea, please share.
I don’t get it, Melanie. Don’t you want them back? Don’t you want to be with Jared again? With Jamie?
She writhed, fighting the obviousness of the answer. Yes, but… I can’t… She took a moment to steady herself. I find myself unable to be the death of you, Wanda. I can’t stand it.
I saw the depth of her pain, and tears formed in my eyes.
Love you too, Mel. But there’s not room for the both of us here. In this body, in this cave, in their lives…
I disagree.
Look, just stop trying to annihilate yourself, okay? Because if I think you can do it, I’ll make Doc pull me out today. Or I’ll tell Jared. Just imagine what he would do.
I imagined it for her, smiling a little through my tears. Remember? He said no guarantees about what he would or wouldn’t do to keep you here. I thought of those burning kisses in the hall… thought of other kisses and other nights in her memory. My face warmed as I blushed.
You fight dirty.
You bet I do.
I’m not giving up.
You’ve been warned. No more silent treatment.
We thought of other things then, things that didn’t hurt. Like where we would send the Seeker. Mel was all for the Mists Planet after my story tonight, but I thought the Planet of the Flowers would be more fitting. There wasn’t a mellower planet in the universe. The Seeker needed a nice long lifetime eating sunshine.
We thought of my memories, the pretty ones. The ice castles and the night music and the colored suns. They were like fairytales to her. And she told me fairytales, too. Glass slippers, poisoned apples, mermaids who wanted to have souls…
Of course, we didn’t have time to tell many stories.
They all returned together. Jared had come back through the main entrance. It had taken so very little time—perhaps he’d just driven the jeep around to the north side and hidden it under the overhang there. In a hurry.
I heard their voices coming, subdued, serious, low, and knew from their tone that the Seeker was with them. Knew that the time had come for the first stage of my death.
No.
Pay attention. You’re going to have to help them do this when I’m —
No!
But she wasn’t protesting my instruction, just the conclusion of my thought.
Jared was the one who carried the Seeker into the room. He came first, the others behind. Aaron and Brandt both had the guns ready—in case she was only feigning unconsciousness, perhaps, and about to jump up and attack them with her tiny hands. Jeb and Doc came last, and I knew Jeb’s canny eyes would be on my face. How much had he figured out already with his crazy, insightful shrewdness?
I kept myself focused on the task at hand.
Jared laid the Seeker’s inert form on the cot with exceptional gentleness. This might have bothered me before, but now it touched me. I understood that he did this for me, wishing that he could have treated me this way in the beginning.
“Doc, where’s the No Pain?”
“I’ll get it for you,” he murmured.
I stared at the Seeker’s face while I waited, wondering what it would look like when her host was free. Would anything be left? Would the host be empty or would the rightful owner reassert herself? Would the face be less repugnant to me when another awareness looked out of those eyes?
“Here you go.” Doc put the canister in my hand.
“Thanks.”
I pulled out one thin tissue square and handed the container back to him.
I found myself reluctant to touch the Seeker, but I made my hands move swiftly and purposefully as I pulled her chin down and put the No Pain on her tongue. Her face was very small—it made my hands feel big. Her tiny size always threw me off. It seemed so inappropriate.
I closed her mouth again. It was moist—the medicine would dissolve quickly.
“Jared, could you please roll her onto her stomach?” I asked.
He did as I asked—again, gently. Just then, the propane lantern flared to life. The cave was suddenly bright, almost like daylight. I glanced up instinctively and saw that Doc had covered the big holes in the roof with tarps to keep our light from escaping. He’d done a lot of preparation in our absence.
It was very quiet. I could hear the Seeker breathing evenly in and out. I could hear the faster, tenser breathing of the men in the room with me. Someone shifted from one foot to the other, and sand ground against rock under his heel. Their stares had a physical weight on my skin.
I swallowed, hoping I could keep my voice normal. “Doc, I need Heal, Clean, Seal, and Smooth.”