The Family Way (Molly Murphy, #12)

“You, girl, what are you doing?” asked a voice right behind me. And there was Sister Angelique right behind me. “I thought I assigned you to garden work.”


“I just brought in a full bowl of raspberries to the kitchen,” I said, “and I wanted to see if there was a way out to the garden through here. But there wasn’t.”

“No, there is only one way out to the garden. You must realize that we are an enclosed order. This convent was created to keep the outside world at bay and to protect ourselves. We are a band of defenseless women, ma petite. That’s why we take such precautions. And we have to protect our young women from threats. We have had abusive and drunken louts hammering at our doors before now, demanding the return of their womenfolk.”

It was an uncanny feeling, almost as if she could read my mind. Had she spoken with Elaine, I wondered. Did she know that I had been querying being locked in here? I decided I had to act now.

“I’m so glad I’ve found you, Sister,” I said. “I’d like to be taken to Sister Jerome, because I’ve changed my mind. I’ve decided that I don’t want to stay here and give up my child. I’m going to go home to Ireland and ask for my family’s forgiveness.”

She put a hand on my shoulder. “My dear, you are saying the same thing as every girl who comes to this place. It’s that moment of panic after they realize what they have committed themselves to do. They know it makes sense to give up their child so that it can have a better life, but they don’t think they can go through with it. And this convent is not the most inviting of settings for those who have come from a warm and friendly home, is it?”

I nodded. “I miss my family so terribly,” I said. “I really can’t stay here. I know you’ve been so kind to me in allowing me to just come in off the street, but I have to go. Please let me go.”

“Of course, my dear,” she said. “We never would dream of keeping anyone against her will. But don’t make a hasty decision you’ll regret one day. There is no future in this world for an illegitimate child and no hope of his mother making a good marriage. No man will want you or your child. You will be outcasts—shunned, scorned. Is that what you really want for your baby?”

“No, but … my young man may still be alive in Panama. If he hears about his child I know he’ll return home and do the right thing,” I said. “And if he returns home and hears that I’ve given up our child, then he’d never forgive me.”

I wished I was the kind of woman who could cry at will. But I couldn’t. “I was too hasty in coming here. It was a moment of panic and I’m thinking clearly now. This is not what I want. So if you don’t mind, I’ll take off this uniform, pack up my things, and go before it gets dark.”

The bony hand was still on my shoulder. I felt pressure now, those fingers digging into me. “All in good time. I think you should at least stay the night. I will speak with Sister Jerome about your dilemma and suggest to her that we discuss it in the common room tonight with the rest of my sisters. We will pray together and let their wisdom advise you on what is truly the best path for you and for your child. We will let the Holy Spirit guide us, don’t you agree?”

I sensed the hand on my shoulder trembling and I found myself wondering if this scene had happened before. Had Maureen come to her in the same way and announced that she was going to leave? And Sister had been reasonable and gentle and holy in trying to persuade her to give up here child as promised. And the moment Maureen came into my mind I realized something—something that should have been so obvious that I wondered why I hadn’t seen it before. Sister had said that Maureen ran away during the night, before breakfast. But Elaine, daring, resourceful Elaine who didn’t mind breaking rules, had confirmed that there was no way out of here, unless one stole Sister Jerome’s keys from her belt. I remembered something else too—something that Blanche had told me. She’d said Katy had been worried about something before she died. Katy had said, “She never takes them off.” Did she mean those keys that hung from Sister’s belt? Had she realized, as I had also now done, that Maureen hadn’t gone anywhere, that it was impossible? And had it cost Katy her life? I wanted to escape as urgently as ever, but I made myself a vow. Before I left this place I had to do my best to find out what had become of Maureen.

“Very well, Sister,” I said. “I’ll stay just this one night. But then if I want to go in the morning, you and your sisters will agree that I can leave.”

“Of course,” she said. “We only want what is best for you, you know. You and the little one inside you.” The hand now slid down from my shoulder and took my arm. “Come along, let’s go and see how those lazy bean pickers have been doing.”

And I was led back outside.