Mixed with this memory was fear concerning the sore itself.
What if it was cancer? Before, she'd always been able to thrust this idea away before it was fully articulated in her mind. This time she couldn't. What if she'd caught her stupid self a cancer on her trek through the Badlands?
Her stomach knotted, then heaved. She kept her fine dinner in its place, but perhaps only for the time being.
Suddenly she wanted to be alone, needed to be alone. If she was going to vomit, she didn't want to do it in front of Roland and this stranger. Even if she wasn't, she wanted some time to get herself back under control. A gust of wind strong enough to shake the entire cottage roared past like a hot-enj in full flight; the lights flickered and her stomach knotted again at the seasick motion of the shadows on the wall.
"I've got to go... the bathroom..." she managed to say.
For a moment the world wavered, but then it steadied down again. In the fireplace a knot of wood exploded, shooting a flurry of crimson sparks up the chimney.
"You sure?" Joe asked. He was no longer angry (if he had been), but he was looking at her doubtfully.
"Let her go," Roland said. "She needs to settle herself down,
I think."
Susannah began to give him a grateful smile, but it hurt the sore place and started it bleeding again, too. She didn't know what else might change in the immediate future thanks to the dumb, unhealing sore, but she did know she was done listening to jokes for awhile. She'd need a transfusion if she did much more laughing.
"I'll be back," she said. "Don't you boys go and eat all the rest of that pudding on me." The very thought of food made her feel ill, but it was something to say.
"On the subject of pudding, I make no promise," Roland said. Then, as she began to turn away: "If thee feels lightheaded in there, call me."
"I will," she said. "Thank you, Roland."
TEN
Although Joe Collins lived alone, his bathroom had a pleasantly feminine feel to it. Susannah had noticed that the first time she'd used it. The wallpaper was pink, with green leaves and-what else?-wild roses. The John looked perfectly modern except for the ring, which was wood instead of plastic. Had he carved it himself? She didn't think it was out of the question, although probably the robot had brought it from some forgotten store of stuff. Stuttering Carl? Was that what Joe called the robot? No, Bill. Stuttering Bill.
On one side of the John there was a stool, on the other a claw-foot tub with a shower attachment that made her think of Hitchcock's Psycho (but every shower made her think of that damned movie since she'd seen it in Times Square). There was also a porcelain washstand set in a waist-high wooden cabinet-good old plainoak rather than ironwood, she judged.
There was a mirror above it. She presumed you swung it out and there were your pills and potions. All the comforts of home.
She removed the napkin with a wince and a litde hissing cry.
It had stuck in the drying blood, and pulling it away hurt. She was dismayed by the amount of blood on her cheeks, lips, and chin-not to mention her neck and the shoulder of her shirt.
She told herself not to let it make her crazy; you ripped the top off something and it was going to bleed, that was all. Especially if it was on your stupid face.
In the other room she heard Joe say something, she couldn't tell what, and Roland's response: a few words with a chuckle tacked on at the end. So weird to hear him do that, she thought. Almost like he's drunk. Had she ever seen Roland drunk? She realized she had not. Never falling-down drunk, never mother-naked, never fully caught by laughter... until now.
Ten'yo business, woman, Detta told her.
"All right," she muttered. "All right, all right."
Thinking drunk. Thinking naked. Thinking lost in laughter.
Thinking they were all so close to being the same thing.
Maybe they were the same thing.
Then she got up on the stool and turned on the water. It came in a gush, blotting out the sounds from the other room.