"Balls there ain't!" he cried. "Look there, and there, and th-n
"Not the Campbell's Tamater he likes best," she overrode him, drawing closer in her excitement. Their arguments had never developed into outright fisticuffs before, but Tassa had an idea this might be the day. And if it were so, it were fine-oh!
He'd love to sock this fat old run-off-at-the-mouth bitch in the eye. "Do you see any Campbell's Tamater, Tassa o' wherever-yougrew?"
"Can you not bring back a box of tins yourself?" he asked, taking his own step forward; now they were nearly nose-tonose, and although the woman was large and the young man was willowy, the Master's houseboy showed no sign of fear.
Tammy blinked, and for the first time since Tassa had shuffled into the kitchen-wanting no more than a cup of coffee, say thanks-an expression that was not irritation crossed her face.
It might have been nervousness; it might even have been fear.
"Are you so weak in die arms, Tammy of wherever-^ow-grew, that you can't carry a box of soup-tins out of Stores?"
She drew herself up to her full height, stung. Her jowls
(greasy and a-glow with some sort of night-cream) quivered with self-righteousness. "Fetching pantry supplies has ever been the houseboy'sjob! And thee knows it very well!"
"That don't make it a law that you can't help out. I was mowing his lawn yest'y, as surely you know; I spied you sitting a-kitchen with a glass of cold tea, didn't I, just as comfortable as old Ellie in your favorite chair."
She bristled, losing any fear she might have had in her outrage. "I have as much right to rest as anyone else! I'd just warshed the floor-"
"Looked to me like Dobbie was doing it," he said. Dobbie was the sort of domestic robot known as a "house-elf," old but still quite efficient.
Tammy grew hotter still. "What would you know about house chores, you mincy little queer?"
Color flushed Tassa's normally pale cheeks. He was aware that his hands had rolled themselves into fists, but only because he could feel his carefully cared-for nails biting into his palms.
It occurred to him that this sort of petty bitch-and-whistle was downright ludicrous, coming as it did with the end of everything stretching blackjust beyond them; they were two fools sparring and catcalling on the very lip of the abyss, but he didn't care. Fat old sow had been sniping at him for years, and now here was the real reason. Here it was, finally naked and out in the open.
"Is that what bothers thee about me, sai?" he enquired sweetly. "That I kiss the pole instead of plug the hole, no more than that?"
Now there were torches instead of roses flaring in Tammy Kelly's cheeks. She'd not meant to go so far, but now that she had-that they had, for if there was to be a fight, it was his fault as much as hers-she wouldn't back away. Was damned if she would.
"Master's Bible says queerin be a sin," she told him righteously.
"I've read it myself, so I have. Book of Leviticracks, Chapter Three, Verse-"
"And what do Leviticracks say about the sin of gluttony?" he enquired. "What do it say about a woman with tits as big as bolsters and an ass as big as a kitchen ta-"
"Never mind the size o' my ass, you little cocksucker!"
"At least I can get a man," he said sweetly, "and don't have to lie abed with a dustclout-"
"Don't you dare!" she cried shrilly. "Shut your foul mouth before I shut it for you!"
"-to get rid of the cobwebs in my cunny so I can-"
"I'll knock thy teeth out if thee doesn't-"
"-finger my tired old pokeberry pie." Then something which would offend her even more deeply occurred to him.
"My tired, dirty old pokeberry pie!"
She balled her own fists, which were considerably bigger than his. "At least I've never-"
"Go no further, sai, I beg you."
"-never had some man's nasty old... nasty... old..."
She trailed off, looking puzzled, and sniffed the air. He sniffed it himself, and realized the aroma he was getting wasn't new. He'd been smelling it almost since the argument started, but now it was stronger.
Tammy said, "Do you smell-"
"-smoke!" he finished, and they looked at each other with alarm, their argument forgotten perhaps only five seconds before it would have come to blows. Tammy's eyes fixed on the sampler hung beside the stove. There were similar ones all over Algul Siento, because most of the buildings which made up the compound were wood. Old wood, WE ALL MUST WORK TOGETHER TO CREATE A FIRE-FREE ENVIRONMENT, it Said.
Somewhere close by-in the back hallway-one of the still-working smoke detectors went off with a loud and frightening bray. Tammy hurried into the pantry to grab the fireextinguisher in there.
"Get the one in the library!" she shouted, and Tassa ran to do it without a word of protest. Fire was the one thing they all feared.