CHAPTER Twenty-nine
Travis displayed eight different types of chocolate from all around the world. “The trick is to take a small bite and then pair it with a glass of wine, or espresso if you prefer, but I think we both know what happened last time you had caffeine.”
“I ended up in your bed.”
“Espresso, it is.” Travis grinned.
Kacey laughed and reached for a piece of dark chocolate. “I like it here.”
Travis told his heart to stop clenching in his chest every time she hinted toward staying. “In Portland?”
“The restaurant.” She shrugged. “It’s as if I never left.”
“They would be proud of you, Kacey.” He reached across the table and grasped her hand. “I know I am.”
Kacey shook her head. “What would they be proud of? The girl who hasn’t finished college? Who lives on her own and has one sad goldfish as a pet?”
“No.” Travis went to kneel next to her. “They’d be proud of your spirit, proud of the woman you’ve become. You’re strong, you’re brilliant, not to mention beautiful.”
Kacey’s head snapped up. “Do you really think I’m beautiful?”
“No. I think you’re breathtaking.”
Kacey flushed.
“I think you’re life-altering.”
She tried to pull away.
“I think you’re uniquely, wonderfully… you.”
Her lips trembled.
“I think I’m going to kiss you.”
“I think I want you to,” Kacey whispered as his lips descended toward hers. She tasted like bittersweet chocolate and wine. His hands moved to touch her skin then glided over her cheeks and dipped into her hair.
“Thank you…” Her voice was husky. “For saying that.” She pulled away and sniffed as her eyes began to water. “The last person who told me I was beautiful was my mother.”
“That,” he said as he kissed her nose. “Is a shame. You should be told you’re beautiful every day. Because every day it’s true, and every time I see you, you grow in your beauty. Just because people don’t say the words, doesn’t mean it’s any less true, Kace.”
She bit her lip and looked down. He kissed her forehead and reached for the chocolate. “Chocolate makes everything better.”
“Where have you been all my life?” she said, watery-eyed.
“Home,” Travis answered a note of seriousness in his voice. “I’ve been home, waiting for you.”
****
They drove home in silence. A light rain pattered across the windshield. Travis wasn’t sure what had shifted between them, but something had changed. Maybe he had been too vulnerable with her, his emotions felt raw, but then again, Kacey’s probably did as well.
It was dark by the time the truck pulled back into the driveway. They had spent at least three hours talking and sharing childhood memories. Several times Travis had wanted to drown himself in the river. After all, most of their childhood memories were of him stalking her or being hateful, and Kacey crying.
But they’d still had fun.
He didn’t remember ever spending so much time with a girl and wanting the day to never end.
Not to mention the night.
He turned the truck off and ran to the other side to open Kacey’s door.
“Tired?” his voice cracked.
“You’d think after all that wine and chocolate I would be.” Kacey hopped out and gave him a shrug. “You up for a movie?”
I’m up for anything. “Whatever you want.”
“Great.” She bounced to the door and turned around. “But it’s my choice.”
“No Care Bears.”
“No Alice in Wonderland.”
They shook on it like they were five and burst out laughing as Travis let them into the house.
Everything was blanketed in darkness. In all his haste to start his romantic evening, he hadn’t left any lights on. The door clicked closed. Suddenly it felt very small in the giant living room. As if the air was being sucked out the windows. Travis told himself to calm down. But he was painfully aware of the girl standing next to him. The one that really did get away. The girl next door.
He sighed, not meaning for it to be so loud.
And the next thing he knew, Kacey’s mouth was on his.
“What about the movie?” he asked lamely, his body tensed in protest.
“Forget about the movie.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and sighed into his ear.
“Forgotten.”
He lifted her easily into his arms and carried her up the stairs, only stopping once they were inside his room.
Slow motion, everything was in slow motion. The music in the background wasn’t even enough to drown out the roaring of blood in his ears. He must have left his iPod on from this morning when his alarm went off.
He swallowed, then reached out to touch her arm.
That simple gesture, the feel of her skin, was enough to make him dizzy. “Kace…” How was he supposed to want her? To love her as she deserved, when all he could think about was wiping his brother from her memory completely.
Kacey looked up, her eyes clear and bright. She moved her hand slowly across his chest. He closed his eyes and allowed himself to feel — everything.
He knew his breathing sounded ragged. He knew his control was slowly fading into a puddle at her feet, but he didn’t care.
Nothing made him more nervous than the look she’d just given him, as if he could singlehandedly save the world, cure cancer, and still be home for dinner, all within the span of twenty-four hours. It was a responsibility he wasn’t sure he was ready for, but they had nowhere else to go.
They couldn’t return to being friends.
And he didn’t want to.
But he couldn’t help but worry that at some point, he was going to screw up. He wasn’t sure how, but he had a feeling things would go horribly wrong if he rushed things with her. Their friendship was fragile as it was.
Travis opened his eyes. They were alone in his bedroom, and suddenly he felt like he was in high school again. Reliving his most vivid of fantasies.
He had to say no. He needed to take things slowly.
Kacey pulled his head down to hers and kissed him so hard he nearly lost his balance, not to mention his heart.
The words, I can’t and let’s take this slow, no longer mattered as he grasped her arms and braced them above her head against the wall. With a moan she leaned back her head, exposing her neck and breasts.
He took full advantage.
He kissed down her neck, licked across her cheekbone, dipped his tongue in her mouth, and groaned when she bit his lip and tried to fight him.
“Make me forget him,” she whimpered.
“My pleasure.” He nipped her lip and pulled her into his arms, then hastily threw her onto the bed.
She burst out laughing.
Which, he naturally took as a bad sign, considering women did not laugh during foreplay, or at least in his experience they didn’t.
A tear ran down her cheek. “I’m sorry, it’s just…” She kept laughing and reached behind her pulling out his little bunny. “It seems that I’ve just sat on your bunny, you know the one you took out your sexual frustration on, the one that has my name? Interesting turn of events, don’t you think?” Crap. He thought he’d hid that bunny a long, long time ago. How the hell did it get out from under his bed?
“Give it here.” He held out his hand.
“No.” She hid it behind her back. “Take off your shirt first.”
“Oh, so it’s going to be like that?”
She nodded.
Damn, how was he supposed to say no to such a cute face? “Fine, but this is another one of those blood-oath moments. Never, under any circumstances, are you allowed to tell another human being that I took off my shirt in order to steal my bunny back from you. Not to mention that this is all taking place before I plan on making you scream out in pleasure.” With jerky movements, he took off his shirt.
Kacey’s grin grew. “The pants too.” She nodded at his jeans and tilted her head.
“We’re going to have one of those relationships, aren’t we?”
“What?”
“The type where we bicker.”
“Of course.” Kacey leaned up on her elbows then slowly unbuttoned her shirt, leaving only one closed.
His mouth went completely dry. His hands were paralyzed near the button of his jeans.
“Besides,” she said as her hands slowly caressed her own stomach and arched her back. “Think of how much fun it will be to kiss and make up.”
Never, in his life, had he ever taken off a pair of jeans so fast.
“The bunny.” He held out his hand.
“The boxers.” She held out hers.
“You’ve got to be kidding me.”
“Do I look like I’m kidding?” She hugged the bunny close to her chest, making him insanely jealous. Over a damn stuffed animal.
“Fine.” He jerked off his boxers and threw them at her. The bunny came flying toward his head. He ducked and with a curse tackled Kacey onto the bed.
“Now, it’s my turn.”
“Turn?” Kacey said breathlessly.
“Yes, to torture you, just like you’ve been torturing me, for not only days, but for my entire life.
Kacey beamed up at him, then kissed him lightly across the mouth. “I surrender.”
Travis attempted to keep his joy in check, considering it was probably inappropriate to sing the Hallelujah Chorus in bed, naked.
Damn.
His fingers reached for the final button to Kacey’s shirt. He pulled it off and told himself to act mature, even though he felt like a small boy seeing a girl’s breasts for the first time.
But it was Kacey.
His Kacey.
And he wanted to love her, to treasure her, to make her see what he saw every time he looked at her.
Perfection.
His lips caressed hers. Her tongue reached out and touched his, just slightly, but it could have been lightning for as much as it affected his body.
He needed little help or encouragement as he stripped her of the rest of her clothes then fought the urge to shout again as their skin made contact.
It felt like a dream. His hands made slow, languid movements up her thighs as he sighed against her lips. He’d wanted her more than anything. His entire life. How many people could actually claim that? That for their entire existence, the one person they wanted to share eternity with, had never changed, never faltered. Her. It had always been her, and he was damn well going to show her how much he loved her.
****
Never in a million years would Kacey have imagined that she’d end up in Travis’s bed — in his arms. His eyes blazed as he took in her naked body and then shuddered as he bestowed a kiss on her stomach. “Do you even realize how damn beautiful you are?”
Kacey groaned with pleasure as he tilted her hips towards his and reached behind her head, pulling her in for a scorching kiss. His kiss was so different from Jake’s, different from any guy she’d ever been with. It held promises of more than a one night stand, it promised her forever, and she hadn’t realized until right now how badly she’d needed that commitment.
He was so careful with her, as if she was this long lost treasure he was just discovering. Every kiss, every touch, was tender and slow. Torture could not even begin to describe what it felt like for his warm hands to run down her body.
Mouth hot, he kissed her like a man starved. Like every moment he’d ever lived, every breath he’d ever taken, had been saved up for now.
Kacey hadn’t realized. Never knew, that Travis was what she was missing. In every other relationship there was always something lacking. Even with Jake. With Travis, she finally felt complete, loved, whole, beautiful. She sighed.
“That feels good.” Kacey licked his lower lip and chuckled against his mouth.
“Woman, you’re going to kill me.” With a shudder he groaned and closed his eyes as he pulled away.
“Such a way to die, eh?” She gripped his back, scratching all the way down to his firm backside and then trailed kisses down his jaw. His body was so firm and tight. The man was gorgeous, and he was hers, all hers.
“Absolutely.” Travis growled taking her mouth again and pinning her arms against the bed. His touch was dominant, possessive — something that should have scared her, instead it made her hot as hell. All she wanted was for him to claim her, to brand her as his and only his.
Every touch, every caress, was like a gift. Kacey wanted to stay there forever. She’d made her decision. She was going to stay. Even if it meant abandoning everything in Seattle. Even if it meant conquering old demons. For once in her life, a man she cared about, who she truly loved, was offering her everything. He wanted to fight for her, to rescue her, and for once in her life she truly believed that it was possible for a happy ending.
****
Travis closed his eyes, allowing his body to memorize the moment. Her skin against his, his hands ran up and down her arms as he settled himself on top of her. She was searing herself upon his soul and she didn’t even know how permanent this was — he would do anything to never let her go.
“Travis,” she whispered against his lips, wrapping her arms around his neck. Needing to go slow, he kissed the corner of her mouth and made his way to her ear. His teeth grazed the soft skin of her neck.
She gasped.
“You’re so damn sexy.” He pulled back and looked into her eyes. He was changing everything. This moment was changing everything and he never wanted to go back.
She moved beneath him making it so she was at her most vulnerable. Her eyes said take me, and he knew. He couldn’t stop. He didn’t want to. Because in that moment, she needed to know whose she was. His. He clenched his teeth.
With a soft sigh she pulled his head down and kissed him, and he was gone. Lost in a sea of passion and desire. A pull so strong that he couldn’t stop himself from entering her — from making her his.
Kacey moaned his name as he plunged greedily into her. She took him in, shaking as beads of sweat ran between their bodies.
He stopped, cursing his own enthusiasm. Damn, but the woman would be the death of him. He should have been gentler, but hell if he could stop now that he felt her around him, now that he knew they fit like a perfect puzzle piece.
“I’m fine, I’m fine.” She smiled seductively, reaching for his head and coaxing it towards hers.
Their foreheads touched as he pulled her even tighter against him, her legs naturally went around his waist. And they sat there, in an intimate embrace just looking at one another. And again, his heart slammed with the idea that he was finally home, finally exactly where he wanted to be. In her arms.
He closed his eyes and began a slow rhythm of love-making. She smiled faintly as he pulled her tightly against him and claimed her. The only thought that crossed his mind was that he would be happy to stay inside her forever.
The moment was gone too soon. His body was already wanting to take her again and again until they were both exhausted. He sagged against her and sighed, his body still humming with the aftermath of the life-shattering encounter.
“I love you,” Kacey whispered against his cheek as she gave him a kiss. It should have been expected. Hadn’t he thought the same thing over and over again? But for some reason he froze. Severe dehydration after sex did that to a man. So he stared at her, a blank stare, and then pushed away and sat up. Suddenly feeling like a nervous idiot.
“Travis?” She rubbed his back.
“Oh God, I’m such an idiot.” He needed to say those words but there was something so wrong about only admitting his true feelings after she’d just given her body to him. She was so much more than sex, so much more than one moment.
She jerked her hand back. “What?”
“I’m an idiot. I’m so sorry, Kace.” How could he explain to her the depth of his feelings? She needed to know it wasn’t about sex. It was about something so much more. Something he was unable to describe.
He turned and looked at her face, unable to meet her gaze. He should have been the one to say it first. He was better than that, and she deserved better than this. He nervously glanced away.
Suddenly insecure, he walked to the bathroom and shut the door quietly. He just needed time to think, time to decide the right words to say so he didn’t screw up the best thing that had ever happened to him.
****
Kacey was numb. For the second time in her life she experienced utter loss. A loss so huge that she couldn’t even cry.
Was she cursed to always have bad sexual experiences? Not that the experience itself was awful. It was the exact opposite, perfect, wonderful. Life-altering and then, nothing.
He’d stared into space.
He’d put his head in his hands.
And he’d walked away.
Just like Jake.
The knot in her throat made it hard for her to breathe. She grabbed her discarded clothes and ran out of the room.
She locked the door to the guest room and slid against it, the tears finally coming, and with them, pain she never knew possible.
The pain of a heart being broken, a girl being rejected by yet another man in the Titus family.
And suddenly she felt exactly like a stripper, like one of those girls Jake salivated after. Quickly, she packed up her things, changed her clothes, and peeked out into the hallway.
Travis was nowhere to be found. It was nearing midnight. She could see if any flights were going out and just hang out at the airport. Anything was better than facing Travis, than seeing the disgust on his face.
She hurried down the stairs and out the front door and ran directly into Grandma.
“Grandma,” she blurted, suddenly feeling ashamed and guilty.
“Honey, where you off to? Where’s Travis?”
Kacey fought hard to keep the tears from falling down her cheeks, but the minute Grandma reached out and touched her, she shattered into a million pieces.
“He doesn’t love me,” she wailed on Grandma’s shoulder.
“Yes, he does,” Grandma said simply.
Kacey shook her head and tried to clear her throat. “No, he doesn’t. It was just like Jake and then…”
“What?” Grandma peeled Kacey from her shoulder and held her head between her hands. “What happened with Jake, honey girl?”
“We slept together, in college, my first time.” She hiccupped. “The night my parents died. And he f-froze. He just sat there afterwards. I was so vulnerable and he just sat there, and then he left w-without saying goodbye.” Tears freely flowed down her cheeks. It was as if everything that had happened so many years ago was finally coming to the surface. All the hurt, the anger, the betrayal.
“And Travis, you and he?” Grandma asked softly.
Kacey nodded and continued, “And he just sat there! He called himself an idiot and went into the bathroom!”
Grandma put her hands on her hips. “I may be old, but that is no way to leave your bed partner.”
“Grandma,” Kacey said, managing a tiny smile. “It doesn’t matter. I’m leaving.”
“You can’t!” Grandma grasped her hands tight within hers. “You need to talk to him. He loves you. I know him, he does! He’s just scared!”
“And I’m not?” Kacey yelled. “I’m terrified!”
Grandma gave her a peculiar look. “Does Travis know how Jake reacted that night?”
Kacey slowly shook her head, feeling a little guilty for allowing her hurt heart to put them in the same category.
“Go,” Grandma said, surprising her. ”Get on your plane. I’ll take care of this.”
Kacey shook her head. “There’s nothing to do but pick up the broken pieces.”
“There’s always something to do.” Grandma handed her the keys to the BMW. “Just leave it at the airport, and I’ll have Wescott take me down there to retrieve it tomorrow.”
“Thanks, Grandma. I love you.”
“I love you too, honey.” Grandma kissed her cheek and walked quite briskly into the house. The last thing Kacey heard before she started the car was Grandma yelling at the top of her lungs at Travis.
Kacey pulled out of the driveway feeling completely raw as she left the house, full of memories for the second time in her life, knowing with certainty that it was not in her future.
“Sorry, Mom, Dad.” Kacey wiped the tears from her eyes. “I guess I’m just not good enough.”