Michelle’s mind had been a mess since she’d stupidly held on to Dex after he saved her from the water. Mock rescue and training and her list aside…she’d reached for him. Clung to him. And if she was really honest, part of her wanted to be saved.
She shook her head.
Pathetic.
She needed a new list and fast if she was already caving on depending on someone else. Dex hadn’t reached out since he’d dropped her off after the helicopter training. Over twenty-four hours had passed since then, and she still hadn’t heard from him. He’d been cold on the way to the mock water rescue, but when they’d finished it, he’d been filled with the same warmth that made her love being around him.
And then he hadn’t called. Despite him needing his hours. Despite his stated commitment to helping her cross off everything on her list. He’d left her alone.
So she’d busied herself at her boutique. Today had been busy. Very busy. Which was good. She needed the revenue. But a part of her worried it was already too late. She’d known things were shaky, but looking over the finances again, even with the good sales today, she was in bad shape. She would have to figure out something fast. Or else.
She just wished she could stop thinking of Dex. Now that she was at home and the night was getting darker, she was sitting with a glass of wine, staring at her phone, wondering what he was doing. Not that she cared. She was just…thinking too much.
“This is ridiculous,” she told herself and tossed her phone on her couch. Then immediately picked it back up. Had she heard it ping with a text? Nope, now she was hearing things. Or just wishing for things.
She needed to get out of this funk. Because life without Dex seemed…bland. She hadn’t realized that somewhere along the way, she’d come to enjoy his challenges and spending time with him. Worse, she’d come to need that time with him. She got a thrill when she succeeded at every challenge he put before her. It was like a drug. But all it had taken was her looking at her business’s finances to remind her that she wasn’t doing nearly as well as she needed. Not by a long shot.
What was she supposed to do? Hang out with Dex and ignore everything else while her life fell apart? Worse, find that she only felt confident and independent when he was around?
No. She couldn’t. That was the whole reason she’d come out here. The whole reason she’d first hooked up with Dex. She needed to know she could do this on her own.
She paced, looking at her phone and taking another long swallow of wine. She and Dex weren’t meant to be long-term anything. And clearly he wasn’t thinking of her, or he’d have reached out.
She needed to talk to someone, though, and she needed to stop thinking of Dex. So she dialed Natalie.
“Hey,” Natalie’s happy voice came through the phone. “What are you up to?”
“Oh, just got home from the shop.”
“So you’re staring at your phone waiting for Dex?”
“No,” Michelle said quickly. She knew it was crazy, but she looked around to see if somehow Natalie was spying on her. “I’m not waiting for Dex.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Besides, that would be stupid. If he wanted me, he’d call.”
“That’s not true,” Natalie said quickly. “Dex is a guy. Which means he’s inherently stupid sometimes.”
“Dex goes for what he wants,” Michelle defended.
“So do you, and look at what you’re doing. Sitting around, waiting for your phone to ring instead of going after what you want.”
She had a point. But wanting Dex wasn’t the problem. It was the rest of it. The rules and goals of their arrangement. Getting feelings confused into the mix was bad. She liked him, fine. But it didn’t mean she had to be stupid about it.
“You started down this path to gain some independence, right? Some adventure?” Natalie asked.
“Yes, and I am.”
“Great, then keep doing it. If you want to talk to Dex, then do it. If not, then don’t. But don’t wait. Don’t waste your time trying to be something you’re not or trying to not be something you are. It’s simple really. If you want it, go get it.”
Natalie’s advice oddly made her feel better about this. The worst thing Dex could say was no. Well, he could tell her to fuck off. But she wanted to be the bold woman that didn’t let a fear of failure keep her from going after what she wanted, and that meant putting herself out there. Maybe they could at least be friends? Yeah, right. Could she ever just be friends with Dex without wanting to rip his clothes off, desperate to feel his skin against hers?
So no matter what, this was probably a disaster waiting to happen. That was freeing in its own way.
“Thanks, Nat, you’re a good friend.”