If she had half a brain, she’d pull away now before she got in deeper. Instead, she edged a bit closer. “I think I am.”
He put the butter in the saucepan over low heat. Chloe looked in and saw the stick was barely melting. She went to turn up the burner, and Gage stopped her.
“Patience, sweetheart. It’ll get there, just give it a chance first.”
She folded her lips together and glanced at him. Slow and steady. Just like Gage. Melting butter and low heat that turned her into a puddle. Yep, the comparisons weren’t lost on her. Gage wanted them to simmer, she wanted them to ignite and burn up. Granted, simmering still got her hot. Only that level of hot lasted a lot longer than a flash in the pan. Pun totally intended.
“Concentrating awful hard there,” he said as he used a whisk to slowly move the butter stick around in the pan. “Want to tell me what’s on your mind?”
Actually, she kind of did. But instead of spilling all the thoughts, worries, and hopes she had, she just stared, letting her brain get the better of her.
“Maybe you’re thinking about how much you like my stunning personality?” Gage offered.
That made her smile. “I was thinking about your six pack, but sure…stunning personality,” she teased back.
“Well at least you like me for something.”
“I really do, you know?” she said seriously. “For a lot of reasons.”
All joking aside, she’d let that one fact come out. Gage hadn’t missed it, either. His intense eyes hit hers. She’d been honest, told him how she felt, and it was as freeing as it was terrifying.
“I really like you, too.”
She nodded and moved to start chopping vegetables. She had to slow this touchy-feely train down before the warm and fuzzy express derailed and left her as the world’s biggest train wreck.
“You said something the other day that I’m curious about,” Gage said, standing by her to take the second knife and cut a zucchini.
“Oh?” Chloe started on the carrots.
“You said you missed your mom before she died. What did you mean by that?”
She cut down hard on the thick carrot and the snap of the root echoed through the silence.
“I um…” She looked at her hands. Steady. Still. She wasn’t nervous like she should be. Because anytime this topic was broached, she shook with unease. But not this time. Not with Gage. He was interested in her. In her feelings. And talking about her mother, talking about her own fears, was something she never did. And right then, she wanted to.
“My dad left when I was younger,” she started. She could feel Gage’s eyes on her, watching every word fall from her lips as she began to spill out her secrets. “My mother was devastated. He broke her. Every day after he left was a struggle for her to live. I know that. But she tried. Put on a happy face for my sake. Was an amazing mother. But she was sad. Not a bummed out sad. This was…” She shook her head, remembering how every day she’d watched the light from her mother’s eyes fade more and more. As if every day she’d gotten further and further away from the hope that the man she’d loved would ever come back. He hadn’t.
And then her mother’s slow death had taken a literal turn. She’d discovered she had cancer. Which deteriorated her body while her father’s memory deteriorated her soul. On her last breath, she’d still wanted the son of a bitch that’d left them. All it did was make Chloe hate him more. Hate him for how he’d affected her mother until her last hour of life.
And she’d died knowing that.
“I can’t imagine how much it must have hurt her to lose him,” Gage said.
Chloe closed her eyes to fight back the emotions bubbling up in her. He didn’t know how close his words hit home for her. He couldn’t. He was just trying to be there for her now, but instead, he was emphasizing her point.
“This sadness ran through her like poison,” she said.
He inched closer and rested his big hand on the small of her back. “It sounds like she was a brave woman.”
That made Chloe drop her knife to the counter and look at him in surprise. “What do you mean?”
He shrugged and pulled her closer. “It’s brave to hold on to something, even when it hurts. It’s brave to acknowledge your feelings. She was sad, but she owned it. And she was still a good mother to you. She lived a full life. In part because she let herself love someone, even if that meant letting herself lose them.”
Chloe’s lips parted. She’d never thought of it that way. But Gage didn’t understand. He didn’t get it. How could he? He had no ties. He came and went as he pleased.
Her mother had set ties in this town. Set ties in Chloe’s father, too. She’d felt all the things that Chloe had seen leech her final years of joy. She’d felt a few years of bliss. And in the end she’d been left with sadness for taking a chance on love. She had to have known the risk, but she’d chosen to do it anyway.
And that was what Chloe held on to. What terrified her.
She looked at Gage, felt his comforting touch against her back, and wondered if she could be brave, too.