Janis Joplin and I threw another concert. This time we invited Kelly Clarkson and Reba on stage with us.
My heart was broken. Crushed.
My attempts to heal it with double pints of chocolate chip ice cream were failing miserably. I couldn’t figure out why it hurt so badly if I was never in love with Matt.
I just liked him a lot. A whole lot...
Every time his name came across my phone’s screen, I acted as if I didn’t see it. I didn’t open any of his text messages, and I made sure Sophie didn’t put him through to my line at work.
He showed up to my apartment twice last week, knocking so loudly I was scared he’d break down the door. I wanted to answer it, to bury myself in his embrace and invite him in, but I turned my TV all the way up.
This was how I usually dealt with things. I blocked my problems and whoever was causing them out. Over time, everything usually went away.
Jen and I were sitting on a bench at Coney Island. She was doing a great job of keeping my mind off of Matt, but all of a sudden I began to cry. I leaned on her shoulder and sobbed until I couldn’t anymore.
“You sure you don’t want to call him?” she patted my back.
“Him who?”
“Okay, whenever you’re ready to act your age let me know.”
“I can’t call him. I’m still mad…and hurt. If he didn’t like Selena and really didn’t want to be bothered with her, he would’ve left her a long time ago. I’m not stupid.”
“I know. Hasn’t he been calling you every day though? You can’t pick up just once?”
“I don’t know…Maybe in a week or so, but if he marries her I can’t. I can’t be someone’s second choice again. The first time was painful enough.”
“Are you going to the wedding?”
“No.”
I couldn’t fathom sitting in the media row with the rest of the writers, listening to them dissect everything about the event. I couldn’t see myself paying attention to anything but Matt—watching how he smiled at the audience, how he turned on his charm for the cameras, how he kissed her with the same lips that kissed me.
“You sure you’re not in love with him?” Jen smirked.
“Yes, I’m sure. I haven’t known him long enough to be in love.”
“What does time have to do with anything?”
“Will you go to the wedding in my place?”
“Ha! You think he would let me get out of there without harassing me about where you are and where you’ve been? Thanks, but I’ll pass. You want to know what I think?”
“No.”
“I’ll tell you anyway. I think you’re one hundred percent in love with Matt and you’re too stubborn to admit it. I think you should give him a second chance.”
“I’ll try…”
I woke up Saturday to another text message from Matt. I decided to open it: “I’m ordering pizza for lunch today. I’ll think of you while I eat…If you want to join me, let me know…I hope you’re okay…Call me later?
I went into my kitchen and pulled out a carton of eggs. I remembered how Matt scrambled them at the diner and tried to replicate his instructions.
I didn’t burn them at all.
Chapter 26
Matt
The hair and makeup stylist gave me a few finishing touches before backing away. The producer went over the questions with me three times. When she was sure I was ready, she signaled for the clapboard.
“Matt Sterling interview with OWN, take one, section three. Action!” the director’s voice yelled.
“Mr. Sterling, tell us about the exact moment that you knew you were in love,” the interviewer asked off camera.
“The exact moment?” I scratched my head. “I knew I was in love when I went one day without talking to her. Every time I did something on that day, all I could think of was telling her about it later. Then we went a week without talking, and then it was two weeks and um…I just can’t—couldn’t get her out of my mind. That’s when I knew I had fallen in love.”
“I see. Tell us about your favorite date together. Tell us as many details as you can.”
“That’s a tough one…We’ve had a lot of those.”
The interviewer laughed.
I looked up at the ceiling and then back at the camera. “I guess I would say the first time we went out on the ocean together. It was just the two of us out on my yacht. She was so nervous about jumping in the water. She’d never heard of polar-bearing before so, I um…I held her hand and we jumped together. She was screaming when we were in the air but she didn’t let my hand go. I think that would probably have to be my favorite date that we’ve had.”
“And what about your favorite thing to do together?”
“Movies. We watched a lot of movies together.”
“Cut!” the director shouted. The producer headed my way and sat across from me.
“We’re almost done Mr. Sterling,” she said. “We just have a few more questions regarding you and Miss Ross. We need to reshoot that last response though. Could you say “We watch movies” instead of “watched”? We want to keep everything in a certain tense.”
“Not a problem.”