“His character never lied to you,” he backed away. “Let’s do the rain kiss again! Quiet on the set! Sweet Tennessee, Scene twenty five, take three!”
“Selena,” my mom handed me a box of Kleenex. “How long do you think you’re going to be upset?”
“Forever.”
“I hope not. That’s not healthy…Your boyfriend called me today to apologize for everything, you know.”
He’s not my boyfriend!
“Did you tell him to go to hell?”
“Not exactly. He and I actually talked for a pretty long time…I told him—”
“Mom, I don’t want to hear anything about Ethan Lockwood. Ever. I’ll get over him eventually, okay? I just want to spend time with you,” I wiped my face and sniffled. “I still haven’t taken you shopping so I’ll call my driver now.”
“Selena, listen to me. You need to know that Ethan—”
“I really don’t want to hear about him, Mom. Please don’t tell me anything about him or his Autumn Wonder life. I don’t want to cry anymore today…”
“I understand,” she sighed. “What store are we going to first?”
Joan walked into my trailer and sighed. “I canceled your entire weekend.”
“What! Why?” I wiped my face with a Kleenex. “Go take it back! I’m alright! I can do this!”
She crossed her arms and gave me her ‘you’re so full of it’ look.
“I’m a train-wreck, right?” I bent over and cried. “I don’t think I’ve ever hurt this much!”
Even when Phillip dumped me, I was more embarrassed than hurt. And none of the other guys from my past halfway compared to Ethan.
I could usually use my anger to get over them, to remind myself why it was best that we didn’t work out. But with Ethan, no matter how many times I reminded myself that he was an ass for not telling me that he was the CEO of Autumn Wonder, my heart wouldn’t let him go.
“How about a ‘Girls Night In’? You could do movies and manicures—to kind of get your mind off him, unless you want to finally let him through to your line. He called a record two hundred times today.”
I shook my head. “No, I still don’t want to talk to him. And I don’t have any girl friends to invite for a movie night. I—”
“Are you trying to say that I’m a guy?”
“No! Not at all,” I laughed behind my tears. “I always thought you secretly hated me…”
“I’ve never hated you, Selena. I mean, I wasn’t always your biggest fan, but when you’re not whining, attempting to murder birds, or getting on my last nerve, you’re a great person…I think.”
I fell onto the floor laughing. “Movie night sounds awesome, Joan. Let’s get groceries!”
I suggested the Market Grocery where we’d first met up months ago.
I donned a more stylish disguise and when I was ready to checkout, I picked up the latest Us Weekly. My face was on the cover, but this time the headline was “Selena Ross: Left at the Altar, Betrayed by a Married Man, How She’s Plotting her Comeback.”
Chapter 28
Ethan
I put down the latest Us Weekly and sighed. It didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know: Selena was shooting the Sweet Tennessee film (in suburban New York ironically), getting over Phillip Hartford’s smear campaign, and signing holiday endorsement deals with eight different companies.
There was also a rumor about her dating Ryan Gosling and it made me angry—so angry that I threw a chair out my office window once I finished reading about it.
I tried to tell myself that it wasn’t real, that it was just another pseudo-relationship for the press, and that she had to be missing me as much as I was missing her…At least I hoped that was the case.
I re-watched the first season of her breakout television series, Safe Nation, the series that earned her two Emmys. I remembered her smiling as she told me all about it—how it was her first television gig and how she wasn’t sure if she should even take it because the scripts were “so crazy and weird.”
I felt her character’s emotions in every scene and sympathized with her plight. Selena was a good actress, a damn good actress.
I bought all her movies and watched them over and over, pausing on the scenes where she smiled, where she laughed her light and airy laugh. And even though she told me there was no real romance involved on set, I still got jealous whenever she kissed the male lead.
One Saturday morning, I received a Google alert about a meet and greet at Barnes & Noble and I immediately flew to New York. I stood in line for five hours, but I wasn’t able to get far enough ahead to see her.
I only caught a glimpse of her gray coat as she slipped inside a black SUV.
I returned to Boston empty handed, and even more empty-hearted.
I tried to convince myself that it was just a phase, that the only reason I felt the way I did was because I was so used to being around her every day. I thought I could get over her just like I got over Jade if I started dating other women.