Up ahead, not too far, was a pier and a carnival. A tall Ferris wheel towered over the shore. The beach close ahead was filled with people. I felt the need to stop and say something before we were surrounded by crowds.
“Kai?” I put my hand in the crook of his elbow to gently halt him. He tilted his head to the side with a hard expression, but at least he didn’t pull away from me this time. “All I’ve wanted is to talk to you,” I began. Emotions that I’d buried for so long rose inside me, impassioning my words. “I don’t understand what you expected me to do. You pushed me away for so long, even pushed me toward someone else. I know I hurt you, but I never meant to. It was one kiss, Kaidan. A mistake. Now all three of us are hurting because of it. It’s unfair.”
“Don’t talk to me about what’s fair, Anna. Nothing is ever fair. Ask your father.” As soon as he said it, he winced and closed his eyes.
“My father . . . ?”
And that’s when it hit.
My mouth opened. Fury kicked, bruising me from the inside. I couldn’t speak.
Dad did this.
“He told you to stay away from me?”
Kaidan opened his eyes. “I’d been planning to move and keep my distance anyway, so we came to an agreement. The few times I got the urge to ring you, the reminder of his warning cleared my head.”
Kai had wanted to call me. . . .
“I can’t freaking believe this,” I whispered. I pressed my fingers to my temples and walked a small circle in the sand. It didn’t matter that Dad was looking out for me. He’d let me believe Kaidan didn’t care anymore. He’d betrayed me and threatened the boy I loved—a boy who already lived in enough fear.
“I won’t tell him that you told me,” I promised. It would only serve to make him angry at Kaidan.
“Belial was only demanding what was best. It’s what needed to be done.” With his toe, he nudged a sand crab that had been uncovered by a wave, and it scurried under the sand. “You’re safe. That’s what matters.”
His words were a warm wind blowing over my skin, coaxing up goose bumps.
“I’ve spent almost every night since that summit imagining how we could make this work, Kai. That night when I saw you in Atlanta was terrible. And then after you came to me in February, fighting with you was not what I had in mind for today.” I stopped to swallow. “I can’t take back what happened in Australia, but I hope you can forgive me.”
A blast of wind came, giving me an excuse to close my eyes.
“So, what is it that you want, Anna?”
That felt like a loaded question. And suddenly I was afraid of putting myself out there and being rejected by him yet again. Like a coward I responded, “If nothing else, I need you as a friend and an ally.”
“You want to be friends?” Kaidan lifted his eyes to me. “Because it’s not possible if you feel anything more than friendship. Allies, yes, but not friends. If you can show me your colors and prove there’s nothing left, then we can be friends.”
My jaw went slack and I shook my head back and forth.
He opened his stance, eyes bright as gems, voice full of challenge. “Show me,” he said.
“Show me yours first,” I countered.
“Not a chance.”
This was stupid. He had to know I still loved him. But whatever; if he wanted to see, I’d show him.
I peered around the beach and then let my guard down. As always, it felt strange. Kaidan’s arms dropped and his jaw softened. My heart raced as if I were naked in public, showing him what must have been a torrent of emotional colors. Six seconds was all I was willing to chance before reeling my aura back in. He stared at my face, showing that boyish vulnerability a moment more before checking his features into the familiar hardened mask and crossing his arms.
He jutted out his chin. “How do I know those colors are meant for me?”
Ugh!
“They’re for you,” I assured him, jaw clenching.
“If that’s so, then what I said before still holds. We can’t be friends.”
“Fine,” I said with a twist in my gut. “Go ahead and keep cutting me off. But when I actually live my life, you don’t get to be a jerk about it!”
He lifted his hands out to his sides in frustration. “You act as if we can have a relationship, Anna. We can’t!”
My hands tightened into fists at my sides. “You think I don’t know that? I’m painfully aware of that! But even Ginger and Blake find times when they can talk. You’re not the only one who hates his life. This year has sucked!”