He opened the door to his room before I had a chance to knock. We looked at each other for a long moment before he turned away, stepping into the hall and closing the door behind him. We walked in silence down the corridor on the squishy paisley carpets.
“I figured we could just get a cab,” I told him as we approached the elevator. He nodded. Earlier in the day I’d mentioned taking one of the cool trains, trams, or buses, but the fun touristy mood was now gone.
When we got on the elevator he practically crammed himself into the corner farthest away from me. There was really nowhere to look except down because the walls and doors were all mirrors. We accidentally made brief eye contact once in the panel’s reflection. The tension was as palpable as the silence. We sped through the hotel until we were outside around other people, breathing fresh air, with plenty of city scenery to keep our eyes busy.
This was ridiculous.
I lifted a hand to hail a cab, wondering just how awkward sharing the backseat of a taxi would be. Heaven help us if we touched by mistake. Kope turned to me.
“Wait,” he said on a burst of breath. I dropped my hand and looked into his sad eyes. “Anna, may we speak first?”
I agreed, relieved. “Yeah. That would be good. Let’s just . . .” I motioned toward a bench. It wasn’t private, but I doubted anyone in the fast-moving city would care to listen to our hushed conversation.
The noises of Melbourne made it necessary for us to sit close, my head upturned and his inclined down toward me. A loud group of people passed us with jingle bells on them, laughing and pushing one another. Kope glanced their way.
“Are we still friends?” I asked him.
“I will always be your friend, Anna. I would be more if you would have me.”
My chest clenched and I chewed my lip as I grasped for how to address this. I opened my mouth and snapped it shut again, at an awful loss for words. Somehow, in that silence, Kope must have understood.
“Your heart will always be with Kaidan.”
We looked at each other and I gave him a single nod.
Kope watched me with a tightness to his face.
“Kaidan envies the choices I have made. He believes it’s impossible to stand up to our fathers, so when he looks upon me and what I have done, it makes him feel like a coward. But this is not a fair comparison. My actions were not brave. In my heart I knew Alocer would not kill me. So, in many ways Kaidan is the strong one. When it comes to you, he is the stronger man.”
“What do you mean?”
Kope leaned closer, and I caught my breath at the full intensity of his light eyes.
“If you wanted me, Anna, I would not deny you. I would put us both at great risk, but I would have a life with you. That is my own selfishness. Kaidan will not endanger you in such a way.”
A red tram passed, ringing its bell, and caused me to break away from Kope’s powerful stare.
I could no longer pretend that Kaidan felt the same for me as I did for him.
“I heard you talking to him on the phone today.”
Kopano’s eyes widened in surprise, and then dropped in embarrassment. “I—I did not think you would listen. I overstepped myself. It was clear he still cares.”
“Um . . . did you hear the same words I did?” I asked. “Because he totally gave me up.”
Kope shook his head. “No. He was angry. He said what he felt he had to say, but he did not mean it. That much I could tell. I had no intention of pursuing you after speaking to him.”
Another lash of guilt whipped inside me as he continued.
“I thought, perhaps, his feelings might have changed, but I was wrong. Kaidan has been torn. In the end, his choice to keep you safe was the right one. He is not the only one with jealousies. I have hoped perhaps one day you would look at me as I saw you look upon him. It’s a cruel irony.”
I bit my lip, a knot of emotion keeping me from meeting his eyes. I wasn’t as sure as Kope about how Kai felt, but I hated that it had to be this way—all three of us unhappy, unfulfilled.
“You may not know of this story, Anna, but it’s famous among our kind. Long ago I had a sister who fell in love with another Nephilim.” He stared out at the busy street in thought, his eyes skimming the lines of Christmas lights. “They were murdered in front of everyone as a reminder that we are meant only to work, not to love.”
The features of Kope’s strong profile were set with heartache for the sibling he never knew.
“It was centuries ago,” he continued. “But I believe my father still mourns her.”
“Was he the one who . . . killed her?”
“No. The Dukes forced a brother Neph to take their lives.”
I shuddered at the thought.
“I tell you this, not so you will fear love but so you can understand why many Neph do.”
We were quiet, and I didn’t know what to say.
Kope cleared his throat and stood. “We will find Flynn now. Come.”
I followed him, feeling gutted.