“Allow yourself a moment of optimism. It’s not just me and Bel and Jacob you’ve got to live for, you know. There’s a beautiful miss out there somewhere who’d be heartbroken to see you hanged.”
“There are beautiful women all over the world who’ll be heartbroken to see me hanged,” Gray said dryly. “But the only one I care about is gone.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Oh, she’s gone all right. Do you know, she claimed to love me. What a fool I was, to believe it.”
“Is it so hard to believe?” Joss nudged Gray’s arm. “It’s not as though she’s the only one.”
“More fool you,” Gray grumbled. He let his head fall back against the stone wall and stared up at the cell’s single window. Slices of bright sky winked at him from behind the rusted iron bars. It hurt his eyes to look at, but the discomfort was preferable to darkness. “To fall in love now, of all times… after I’ve successfully avoided it all my life.”
“Avoided it? To the contrary, I think you’ve conducted a rather thorough search of the globe for it.”
Gray thought on this for a minute. Damn, he hated it when Joss was right. It was just as well she’d left. He knew what he had to do today; it would only have been harder, had she stayed. Still, as always, he regretted what he’d left undone. Unsaid.
“I never told her I loved her. What an ass I am. No wonder she left. I mean, I told her in a dozen different ways, but I never said the words.”
“Are they so hard to say?”
“Yes, but … I don’t know. They shouldn’t be.” Gray shook his head. “Do you know, that fifteen-year-old boy had the courage to say in front of the whole crew what I couldn’t bring myself to whisper in the dark? He’ll make a fine officer someday, Davy Linnet. Got bigger stones than either of us, I’d wager.”
Joss snorted. “Speak for yourself.”
Laughter erupted in Gray’s chest. God, he was going to miss Joss. He hoped his brother could forgive him one day, for betraying his trust this last time.
“Joss.” Gray swallowed the lump rising in his throat. “I love you. What ever happens, I want you to know that.”
Joss propped an elbow on Gray’s shoulder. “It’s nice to hear it. But I knew that already—never had a doubt in my mind, actually. I’d imagine she knows you love her, too. You’ll have a chance to say the words.”
Gray rubbed his temples. What could he say? He had but a few days left in this world, and no hope of seeing her in the next. But he had to keep up the illusion of optimism, for Joss’s sake. “Supposing I did find her? What if I tell her I love her, and she still walks away?”
“I don’t know what to tell you there. There aren’t any guarantees in love. I know as well as anyone how fleeting it can be.”
Gray winced, knowing that Joss referred to Mara.
Joss fell silent for a moment, then continued in a low voice, “You may not be able to hold on to her forever. But I don’t think you’ll regret trying. I don’t.”
Gray felt tears burning at the corners of his eyes. He sniffed and looked away quickly, searching his mind for something witty and irreverent to say. He was saved the effort when Joss spoke again.
“That girl loves you, Gray. We’re going to get out of this, and when we do
—I’d bet a hundred sovereigns to one, Sophia will be there waiting for you.”
“Sophia?” Gray blinked. “Her name is Sophia?”
Joss chuckled. “I was right. You didn’t know.”
“But—” Gray scratched the back of his neck. “But how did you? Since when have you known her name?”
Joss shrugged, his expression composed. “Since sometime yesterday.”
He laughed at Gray’s befuddled silence. “When you dropped your trousers to take a piss. It’s painted on your arse.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
“The Aphrodite hailed us, so we approached. Backed our sail, prepared to speak. Bastards had us right where they wanted us. Before my officer even called out our port of origin, he”—Mallory jabbed a finger at Gray across the courtroom—“was blowing our mainmast away. You’ve only got to look at my ship to find proof enough of that.”
Judge Fitzhugh nodded gravely. “Continue.”
Gray’s teeth ground like millstones. At this rate, they wouldn’t need a hanging. The effort required to hold his tongue in the face of these scurrilous falsehoods—it was likely to kill him.
But he had to remain composed. Argument served no purpose now. Whether he dangled at the end of a rope or imploded from sheer irritation, the result would be the same. It all ended here. Here in this stifling chamber with its weathered paneling and scent of decay. In this very room he’d been awarded scores of prizes, stolen his entire fortune from the unfortunate merchants who chanced to cross the Aphrodite’s course. He’d bartered his soul in this court. There was a strange justice to it, that his life should be traded here, too.
“Well, he boarded the Kestrel,” Mallory continued, sneering at Gray. Beneath the table, Gray’s hand balled into a fist. “Him and his men. He had me bound in ropes, took command of the ship, and raided my cargo.”
Surrender of a Siren (The Wanton Dairymaid Trilogy #2)
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