Chapter Sixteen
When I had finally gotten back to the hotel, Allison had already left for the arena with Jake and Abby. I didn’t wait for the car to take me. After hailing a cab, I headed for the arena. When I got there, I searched everywhere inside for her, but I couldn’t find her. With a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign on the Runaway Train dressing room, I imagined she was inside with the twins.
With a defeated sigh, I made my way to the stage. I found Gabe and Eli sitting around on the stage while Jake stood at the piano. Then my stomach did a pansy little flip-flop at the sight of Allison seated at the piano bench. Trying not to let my emotions show in front of everyone, I quickly asked about when we were rehearsing. It wasn’t too surprising that rehearsal had been delayed for the twins’ naptime. But instead of having the opportunity to talk to Allison like I wanted, it was f*cking frustrating that Jake had her working with him on some duet.
From the moment her fingers started floating over the black and white keys, her talent once again transfixed me. But once I realized what the song was, I felt an ache burning itself through my chest. I wasn’t too emotionally dense to realize the significance of the lyrics. If there was one song that epitomized our relationship, it was this song.
When Allison began to sing with Jake, the wildfire raged stronger in my chest. I desperately needed to see her face, so I began to slowly walk around the edges of the baby grand piano. When her face came into my line of sight, I closed my eyes in pain. Her expression read the agony she was feeling. It appeared she was trying to keep her emotions in check with every fiber of her being. Silently, I willed her to look up from the keys—to look into my eyes and see that all was not lost between us.
But when she did, it drove the knife even deeper into my chest. Staring straight at me, she sang, “You’re the one that I love, and I’m saying goodbye.”
When I started around the piano for her, the keys banged as she bolted from the bench, sending it crashing onto the stage floor. The next thing I knew she was sprinting away into the wings.
“Allison, wait!” Jake called, at the same time I shouted, “Allison!” When she continued running, he whirled around and pinned Eli with a death glare. “What the f*ck have you done?” he demanded, his fists clenched at his sides.
Eli’s eyes widened as his face paled considerably. “Nothing, Jake. I swear.”
“Then why the hell did she just run out of here like that?”
Glancing from Jake to me, Eli shrugged. “I sure as hell don’t know, but I do know everything is good between us.”
With a gutted feeling, I turned and ran off stage. I started peeking in each and every one of the empty rooms. All the doors were open except two. I paused only momentarily at the Runaway Train dressing room before I flung open the door. Allison was bent over the makeup table across the room from me.
At the sound of someone behind her, Allison jerked her head up. An odd sense of déjà vu came over me as I met her gaze in the mirror, like a sickening repeat of last night. “Please leave me alone.”
I remained standing exactly where I was, my chest rising and falling with heavy breaths. Allison smacked her hands on the table. “If you have any decency left, you’ll walk out of here right now.”
My head jerked back like she had slapped me. I don’t think I had ever seen her so visibly angry. While extremely passionate, she was usually able to keep her emotions in check. F*ck, I had so screwed up. Unable to form the right words, I mumbled a weak, “I’m sorry.”
She gave a mirthless laugh. “I’m so f*cking tired of you saying that.” Shaking her head at me, she said, “I can’t do this anymore. Tonight after the show, I’m leaving on the first flight out of here.”
Her words had the same effect as if she had punched me in the gut. Gut-wrenching pain caused me momentarily to double at the waist. I struggled to breathe so that I could find the words necessary to make her stay. “No, you can’t do that,” I argued. I closed my eyes as the agony washed over me. “Please.”
“If I stay here one minute longer with you with the way things are between us, I’m going to go crazy.”
Extreme panic crept along my spine. This was sure as hell not what I had envisioned happening when it came time to beg for Allison’s forgiveness. I started grasping at straws—anything to earn Allison’s forgiveness. “What about the internship? You can’t just walk away from the opportunity—it means too much.”
“I’ve completed most of the field work, and I can finish the designs and clothes at home. I’m sure Miriam would work with me over Skype.”
I felt myself drowning even more in the quicksand of panic about her leaving. “But what about the twins? As much as you love them, you’re just going to leave?”
Tears streaked down Allison’s face. “I love them more than anything in the world, but right now, I have to love myself more.”
I shook my head back and forth. “No, you can’t do this. I won’t let you.”
Her dark eyes narrowed at me. “Here’s a newsflash, Rhys. You don’t get to tell me what to do. Since you’re not my boyfriend, let alone a true friend, you don’t even get to suggest anything for me to do. In the vast scheme of things, you don’t matter at all. You’re just the heartless bastard who broke my heart.”
Her words cut through my chest to pierce my soul. “Allison, please believe me when I say that I’m so f*cking sorry. If I could take it all back, I would.”
“No, you’re not. You say those words because they’re easy, but your actions? They’ll just keep on torturing me.”
When she started to brush past me to make it to the door, I reached out for her. “Please, Allison, let me make it right,” I said.
“Don’t touch me!” she cried, slapping my hands away.
I hung my head in shame. “I did this to you. I caused you this pain, and I have to make it right. I’m sorry. Please, please, let me make it up to you. Please…don’t go.”
Burying her face in her hands, Allison said, “Rhys, I meant it. Leave. Now!”
“I can’t. Not until you hear me out. I owe you at least that much.”
Allison jerked her head up and glared icily at me. “Here, let me help you then.” With all the strength she had in her, she shoved me toward the door. “Get out!”
“Why won’t you listen to me? I can’t leave you right now because I need you too much. And I can’t let you leave me.”
Her eyelids fluttered as she blinked rapidly. “What?”
“I’m sorry for pushing you away. I’m sorry that I lied when I said I didn’t care about you. Most of all, I’m sorry for ever causing you so much pain.” I ran my hand nervously through my hair. “This afternoon after I left you in Jake and Abby’s suite, I did some serious soul-searching.” I thought it was best to leave out the part with Sierra at the moment. “Finally, it hit me like a f*cking epiphany, and it was like I saw everything clearly for the first time.” Reaching for her hand, I took it in mine and squeezed. “I’ve been lying to you about my feelings, but most of all, I’ve been lying to myself.”
“Rhys, I—” she began.
I shook my head. “Please. Just listen.” I brought her hand to my lips and kissed it gently. “Hear me when I say that I’ve fallen for you, Allison Slater—heart, soul, and body. That I probably first felt something for you when you were just sixteen—the night I kissed you for the first time. Something changed within me that night—like fate was giving me a preview of things to come. But like everything else with you, I chose to ignore it. Then I came to see you in Savannah, and while I just wanted to believe we were having fun like friends would, the truth was there all along, just waiting beneath the surface to be revealed. And then when the truth was revealed, I got scared, and like a f*cking coward, I drove you away and then I ran. That was an a*shole move, and I’m sorry. All the while I knew that I cared very deeply for you. I always have. When it came time to see you again for the tour, I, again, convinced myself it would be better off to be friends, to forget that wonderful night of mind blowing sex had ever happened.”
I couldn’t help smiling when red tinged her cheeks from my mentioning the sex. “But it wasn’t just the pleasure of being buried deep inside you or the way your soft skin felt like velvet against mine or the sweet as honey way you tasted on my lips. It was the fact I was making love for the first time—to someone I deeply cared about who was a best friend. A soul mate even. There was no better feeling in the world for me than when I held you in my arms and finally allowed myself to let go. ”
While Allison’s eyes bulged at my profession, I wasn’t finished yet. “During those two weeks in Savannah, I grew to love you more and more. You made me feel important…like I really mattered. And despite all my bullshit hang-ups, you wanted to be with me. I know that after the way I’ve treated you, I don’t deserve a second chance. I callously pushed you too far and for too long, and I regret my f*cking abhorrent behavior. But I would give anything in the world if you would let me prove that I’m worthy of you. That I’m not worthless and that I can do right by you.”
Allison’s dark eyes widened at my words. “You really mean that? No more just being friends or ignoring how good we can be together?”
I shook my head. “No, never again.”
“What about Jake?”
With a shrug, I replied, “Well, he’ll just have to deal with it.”
“Really?” she asked, incredulously.
“Yes, really.”
“I can’t believe it. I can’t believe you’re standing in front of me right now, telling me this.”
“Believe it, Allison, because every word I say is the truth. I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make you happy and trying to make up for hurting you so much.”
Her lip trembled. “I want to believe you—I really do—it’s just I’m scared.” She hiccupped a sob. “You gutted me, Rhys. You shattered my heart so deeply that I don’t know if I can love you again. I ache, Rhys. I ache inside so bad.”
Desperation filled me. I hadn’t planned for this. I thought I could just apologize and everything would be all right. I’d been a damned fool. “What can I do to change your mind?”
“Give me time.” She wiped her eyes. “Let’s take things slow. As much as I want to, I can’t just run back into your arms today because you said some nice things. I need actions this time. Changed and consistent behavior—no more whiplash from your emotions.”
“Then I’ll give you actions—I’ll give you anything in the world. Somehow and someway I’ll prove to you that I’m the right man for you.”
“Oh Rhys,” she murmured before she threw her arms around my neck. Closing my eyes, I reveled in the feel of her pressed against me. She felt so warm, so soft, and so comforting. Her body was like home—the first one I’d ever truly had. God, this felt so right. This felt so complete—I felt so complete.
Tears stung my eyes when I realized how stupid I’d been and how close I’d come to losing her. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” I murmured over and over in her ear.
When her hand came to rub wide circles across my back, I lost it. The fact that she could still show me compassion and care after all I’d done to hurt her was too much. I sank to my knees under the strain of the emotions. Although I was mortified at my behavior, I couldn’t help it.
“Rhys?” Allison questioned, her voice ringing with concern.
“F*cking hell, I’ve been so stupid for so long,” I moaned, my head pitching forward onto the floor. The harsh carpet fibers scratched along my cheeks, and I welcomed the pain.
I felt Allison kneel down beside me. “Oh Rhys, it’s okay…it’s going to be okay.”
Raising my head up, I stared into her beautiful face. When it came down to it, I couldn’t believe such a sweet spirit like Allison actually cared for me…loved me even. “I think about how much I hurt you…” My eyes closed in agony. “You shouldn’t forgive me, Allison.”
Her tender hands cupped my face. “You let me decide about that one.”
“You’re too good to me,” I argued.
“I know,” she said, a teasing grin lighting up her features.
I couldn’t help laughing at her comment. “You are going to make me work for your love, right?”
Smiling, she said, “Oh yes, very much so. Don’t think you’re getting any make-up sex either.”
Groaning, I replied, “You are cruel.” But then I gave her a small smile. “But I understand, and I’ll take whatever you give me.
Allison smiled as she leaned in to bring her lips to mine. It was a soft, almost chaste, kiss. When she started to pull away, I felt desperate to have her close—to feel her skin beneath my fingers, to taste her soft, warm lips. My hand came to the back of her head, keeping her locked firmly in place. My tongue ran across her lips, urging her to open for me, and when she graciously did, I shuddered at the contact. I’d needed to taste her more than anything. The hand that once held Allison’s head in place came around to cup her face. My fingers ran over her soft cheeks as our tongues slowly swirled with each other. Although I would had given anything to run my hands all over Allison’s body, I reined myself in to respect her and acknowledge the fact we were rebuilding our relationship.
The door flew open, causing me to jerk away from Allison. Eli arched his brows at us from his spot in the doorway. “Just thought you’d like to know that Jake is looking for you.”
“T-Thanks,” Allison replied, as she pulled herself off the floor. I followed close behind her.
“No problem.”
When Eli turned to go, I said, “Wait.”
He stared expectantly at me. “I’m sorry, man. I never meant for this to happen. I didn’t—”
Eli held up one of his hands to silence me. “After the other night, I knew exactly what I was up against when it came to Allison. I simply wasn’t the guy for her.”
“That’s awfully f*cking noble of you. Are you going to bludgeon me in my sleep?”
“Rhys!” Allison shrieked, while Eli only chuckled.
“No, man, we’re all good.” Glancing from me to Allison, he gave her a warm smile. “It’s not like you stole my woman or something because she was never mine to begin with. She was always yours.”
Tears pooled in Allison’s eyes, and she rushed past me to throw her arms around Eli’s neck. I had to fight the caveman urge to go over and yank her away, but I knew this was just part of her kind, compassionate side. “I’m so sorry, Eli. I never meant for you to get put in the middle of all this. You’ve always been such a good friend to me. I don’t want to lose that,” she said.
“Don’t be sorry, and of course, I’ll always be your friend. I’m just glad you’re going to be happy now,” Eli replied. After Allison pulled away, Eli then gave me a pointed look. “She is going to be happy, right?”
I nodded enthusiastically. “Yes, she is.”
“Good. Because I don’t want to have to kick your ass for hurting her.”
“You won’t have to, I swear.”
“What about Jake?” Eli asked.
When I opened my mouth to tell him I was planning on telling Jake immediately, Allison shook her head. “He doesn’t need to know quite yet.”
“He doesn’t?” both Eli and I said in unison.
Allison cocked her head at me. “After the last few months of hell, call me crazy, but I’d like to have a little while of happiness with you without things being crazy with Jake.”
“She makes a good point,” Eli mused.
“Whatever,” I grumbled. Before I could argue with her that it probably was a horrible idea not to tell Jake, the man in question came barreling through the door, knocking Eli out of the way.
“There you are. I’ve been looking everywhere for you. Are you okay, Allie-Bean?” he asked.
“I’m fine,” Allison replied.
Jake narrowed his eyes at Eli before pulling Allison into his arms. “Are you sure you’re not just saying that because he’s here?” Jake questioned in a low voice.
“I’m positive. I just had a little meltdown, okay?”
When Jake pulled away, he gave her a skeptical look. “Look, if taking care of the twins is too hard on top of your internship, we’ll hire someone else. I don’t want you to be unhappy.”
Although I felt like a sappy chick, I couldn’t help it when my heart warmed at Jake’s suggestion. As much as I cared about Allison, I was glad that she had a big brother who loved her so much. I hoped that intense love also meant that Jake would take the news of us being together a little easier. I mean, he did claim that he didn’t want her to be unhappy, right? Deep down, I knew I was grasping at f*cking straws on that one.
“No, no, it’s fine. I love taking care of the twins,” Allison protested.
“But you—”
“I’m just having a really hormonal, PMS day, okay?”
All three of us males groaned in unison at the mention of the dreaded PMS. “And singing that song just made me think of Mitchell,” Allison added.
It was completely wrong of me, but I couldn’t help being a little impressed by how well she was able to lie so convincingly on her feet. Jake seemed to buy the story. He gave Eli a sheepish look. “Sorry for busting your chops, man.”
Eli shrugged. “It’s all good. But you might want to start chilling the f*ck out when it comes to who Allison is dating.”
“Is that right?” Jake challenged, jerking his chin up defiantly.
“If you don’t, you’re going to have a stroke before it’s time for Jules to date.”
Jake winced. “Don’t even say the words ‘Jules’ and ‘date” in the same sentence.” He rubbed his chest. “My heart can’t bear the thought of some douche trying to take advantage of my baby girl.”
A roadie appeared in the doorway. “Excuse me, Jake, but Abby’s onstage and ready to rehearse.”
Jake nodded his head in acknowledgement. “I’ll be right there.”
When the roadie left us all alone again, Jake eyed Allison. “You’ll be all right?”
Allison smiled. “I’ll be fine. I better go relieve Mia and Lily of twin duty.”
Jake and Eli then headed out the door, leaving Allison and me alone again. “Walk with me?” she suggested. I nodded and then followed her down the hall to the Runaway Train dressing room. Allison eased open the door. The darkened room was quiet. Jax and Jules were snoozing away in their portable Pack ‘N Play. Mia sat on the couch across from them, feeding Gaby a bottle. At the sight of us, she rose off the couch. “I better go make sure Bella isn’t wreaking havoc down the hall…or I should say that AJ and Bella aren’t wreaking havoc,” she said with a smile.
Allison giggled. “Thanks for watching them for me.”
Mia glanced between the two of us and then winked. “No problem.”
Once she was gone, I slid my arm around Allison’s waist, and we stood there together, staring down at the sleeping babies. At Allison’s sigh of contentment, I whispered in her ear, “I’m so glad you don’t have to leave them.”
She bobbed her head in agreement. Then she glanced up at me and smiled. “But I’m also glad I don’t have to leave you,” she replied, which caused my heart to thrum wildly in my chest.
“So am I.”
And we stayed just like that until I heard my name being called in the hallway for rehearsal. Then, and only then, did I tear myself away.