Still Jaded (Jaded #2)

"You're not funny." Apparently Bryce could read my thoughts.

"I wasn't trying to be." I reached for the pudding. "What nutritional value does this have? I'm in a hospital. Aren't they supposed to be about health and wellness? I doubt I'm going to get my daily dose of vitamins from vanilla pudding."

"Shut up. Just…shut up." Bryce groaned as he held his head in his hands. He bent forward and cursed. "Why are you always like this? Why does everything have to be such a fight with you? Why can't you tell me what I want to know?"

I dropped the pudding and regarded him. "You want me to be honest? Are you sure?" Once that gate was open, everything would flood out. I doubted he wanted to hear it.

Bryce lifted grave eyes to me. They were so clear and blue that they took my breath away. I loved his eyes. At times I felt they were the only ones that could see the real me. Sometimes I didn't think he could handle the real me.

He stared at me, long and hard, and then sighed. "Why do I feel so distant from you?"

"Because there is distance."

That was the beginning of the truth. I had wanted to deny it for so long, but it was there. I pushed Corrigan away because I wanted to pull Bryce back in, but I couldn't force it anymore.

"How did this happen?"

I looked at him with hope for once. It was so glimmering, so slight, but it was there. But so much needed to be said, and I didn't think Bryce could cope with it all. I didn't even know if I could cope with it all. "Europe. Soccer. I needed you and you couldn't handle me—"

"—Corrigan was there."

I nodded. My throat had closed off.

"Can you please tell me what happened with you and Corrigan? Did you have sex with him?"

I looked at him. I really did. I gazed into those crystal blue eyes that seared me to the depths. This time I needed to see inside of him. When I did, I didn't like what I saw.

He raked a hand through his hair. "I know things haven't been normal, but we're trying. I'm trying. You're trying. I moved back. You're getting help for your anger, but I really feel like something's going on with you and Corrigan. I want to know what happened between you two."

He really felt? He wanted to know? He was all hard and badass when people were in the room, when Corrigan was in the room. Now that we both acknowledged feeling distant from each other, he was different. He pu**yfooted around the truth. Who was this guy? That's when I really looked at him, and I saw that he wanted to hold onto his lies as much as he wanted to hear mine. Everything he said was bullshit, and that enraged me.

I launched out of the bed at him. I wanted him to hurt like I hurt.

"What the hell, Sheldon? Sheldon! Stop!" Bryce batted me back down and held me off.

I snapped. I couldn't take it anymore. He was right. We were distant, but it was more than that. Once I acknowledged the first truth in my head, everything flooded me. I couldn't stand him any longer. "You don't want to know the f**king truth. You can't handle it." I panted and struggled against his hold, but he kept me down. "The truth is that we broke up when I came back here. It's why I came back, but a month later you called and pretended nothing had happened. That's the truth. You dumped me, Bryce, and now you're asking why we have distance? Are you kidding me?!"

Bryce let me go abruptly, and I fell back onto the bed. He looked horrified. "I didn't dump you. You left me. You dumped me."

I shook my head. "I didn't. You found out what I did to that reporter with that underage girl and blew up at me. You told me to leave. I left, Bryce. You told me we couldn't be together if I was going to do stuff like that. Well, I'm sorry, but I went crazy. You weren't there for me. You were always playing soccer. Corrigan had been there, but he left. I had no one. I'm supposed to suddenly make friends that I trust? Are you kidding? Do you know me? And then all those people following us, all the women. I went crazy when that reporter taped us."

I was tired of being violated.

He blew out a deep breath. "I told you to leave the office. When I said to go home, I meant our apartment. And I was there for you as much as you would let me be. You never let me back in, Sheldon. The only one you let in was Corrigan. When he left, you shriveled up inside. You think that was easy for me to take? You're my girlfriend, but you were mourning Corrigan like he had died when he went back home."

He was wrong. I closed my eyes against his lies. He chose soccer. He chose something else. He would always choose something else, someone else.

He sat at the end of my bed and hung his head. His shoulders slumped forward. "I know there's a lot we need to talk about. I know I need to hear some things that I probably don't want to, but all I can think about is Corrigan." He lifted stricken eyes to me. "Did you sleep with him? Tell me that, at least. I won't judge you if you did, but I need to know."

He was lying through his teeth. I knew it. "You'll judge, and we both know it."

"Did you?"