CHAPTER TWELVE
Kira stood in the hallway outside Dr. Morgan’s office, her hand poised above the doorknob. If she explained her plan, the scientist would go for it; they would capture a human, extract the virus, and test it for anti-expiration properties. Kira was certain they would find some; in a world where nothing seemed to make sense, this did. The secrets she’d spent years uncovering, the plan she’d traveled halfway across the world to reveal, the unsolvable secrets buried inside every human and Partial and viral RM spore—they all pointed to this answer, this complex, hidden, brilliant interaction of biology and politics and human nature. Working together was the answer: Partials could cure humans, and now humans could cure Partials. She was sure of it. All she had to do was prove it, and Morgan could help her do that.
But was that as far as it would go?
Dr. Vale had enslaved Partials to help keep his tiny band of humans alive, and Morgan was more than capable of doing the same thing in reverse. Kira thought about the Partials in the Preserve, eternally sedated, tended like a human garden and harvested like gaunt, skeletal herbs. Unwilling victims, forever on the precipice of death. Morgan would do the same to humans—her records of early experiments already told horror stories of humans kept in cages, starving and naked, subjected to horrible tortures, all in the name of saving the Partials. She had the power to make it happen again, and Kira was about to give her the reason. It didn’t have to be that way—it didn’t have to be one side ravaging the other—but it would be. It always had been, and this new revelation was only going to make it worse. The situation wouldn’t change.
Unless Kira changed it herself.
But how?
The hospital corridor was empty; there were a handful of Partial soldiers Morgan had pressed into service as lab assistants, but they were in other parts of the complex today. The building was powered, but the rooms and halls were hollow and abandoned, devoid of life and sound and movement. No one would see Kira standing here, locked in indecision . . . she could turn around and leave if she wanted to. She could probably leave the whole complex without even being seen or raising an alarm, as Morgan had lost all interest in keeping her here. She was a failed experiment; a shattered dream.
I could go, she thought, but where? What was left to do in a world this ruined? What answers could she even try to look for, what hope could she possibly find? She had an answer here, practically in the palm of her hand, and she had the means to take it and mold it and make it a reality. The implications were terrible, and the fallout would be catastrophic, but if she was right, civilization would survive—humans and Partials, enslaved and immoral and unconscionably compromised, but alive. Things would be bad, but they would get better; maybe not for generations, but someday.
Is that enough? thought Kira. Is survival really all that matters? If I tell Morgan, and Morgan enslaves the human race to save the Partials, they’ll live—but they’ll live in hell. How can I make that decision? If I have the chance to save even one life, and I don’t do it, am I a killer? If I have the chance to save the entire world and I let it die, how much worse am I? Yet I would be responsible for the greatest oppression ever forced upon the human species. Every person I saved would curse my name, from now until the end of time.
I can’t think of any other way, but I can’t bring myself to go through with it.
Her hand hovered over the doorknob, an inch and a half from making her decision. The heat from her palm was warming it, hot blood pumping through her veins, radiating out in an aura of vitality. If she left now, that heat would remain, a ghostly afterimage of her presence, here and gone in an instant. Another few months for the Partials, another few years for the humans. The rain would fall, the plants would grow, the animals would eat and kill and die and grow again, and the ghost of sentient life would fade away, an insignificant blip in the memory of the Earth. Someday, a million years away, maybe a billion, when another species evolved or awoke or descended from the stars, would they even know that anybody had been here?
There might be buildings, or plastic residue, or something to say that we existed, but nothing to say why. Nothing to say what made us worth remembering.
I could go, she thought again. I could find Samm, or Xochi or Isolde or Madison. I could see Arwen one last time. I could find Marcus.
Marcus.
He wanted to marry me, and I wanted him. What changed? I guess I did. I had to find out what I was, and what I meant, and now I know that I’m nothing. Just another girl who can’t save the world.
Well, not unless I damn it.
Marcus wanted to accept the end of the world, to enjoy our time together because it was all the time we had. Was he right? I said no, and I left, and what do I have to show for it? I’m just as lost and hopeless as I ever was—more so now, because I’ve tried and failed.
But at least I tried.
And Samm. He taught me to accept as well—not the end of the world, but the end of myself. To sacrifice myself because it was the only moral choice when every other option was too terrible to consider. I made that choice, and I gave myself up, and yet here I am, no better off than before. The world is still ending. The heat of our presence is still fading from the Earth.
But even that’s not true: The world ended thirteen years ago, and now the human race, and the Partials with us, are nothing but an afterimage. We’re dead already, like a severed head still blinking on the ground.
I’ve never given up on anything, Kira thought. But I’ve always had options I could follow. Other choices I could take, and roads I could try, and . . . something. Do I have any of that now? Is selling out my people, my family, the entire human species, really the only answer? Can I live with myself if I do this?
Can anyone live at all if I don’t?
She put her hand on the doorknob, gripping it firmly, feeling the smooth metal curving in the palm of her hand. It was time. It was now or never.
She let go of the knob and backed away a step.
She backed away another.
If extinction is the only option left, she thought, the choice you would never consider becomes the only moral choice you can make. Slavery is hell, but it’s not annihilation. We could still come back. Sometimes the wrong choice is still right.
But sometimes it’s just wrong.
She took another step back.
The human race is more than blood and bones, thought Kira. The Partials are more than a double helix and an engineered pheromone. These are people; these are people I know. This is Samm and Xochi and Madison and Haru and Arwen and Isolde and Marcus and everybody I’ve ever met, everybody I’ve ever loved or hated or anything. It’s Vale and Morgan. It’s me.
It’s not enough to save us. We have to be worth saving.
She took another step back, standing now in the exact center of the wide hospital hallway, staring at the closed door.
There are other Partials, she told herself. Other factions living out in the towns and the woods and the wasteland. They haven’t sided with Morgan, and I don’t have to either. If I can get even some of those groups, even one of those groups, to join me; if I can get them to help the humans like Samm did, to join them and live with them and work together, then we can do it. We can save the world. Not just our lives, but the reasons our lives are worth saving. Our thoughts and our dreams.
Our hopes.
Kira turned and walked back down the hall, striding purposefully now, her hesitance gone and her decision made.
She could only hope that her decision was the right one.