CHAPTER 29
The single tear rolling down Savannah’s cheek held him immobile for a moment. “Savannah?” He stepped in closer, guiding her by the elbow towards the sofa. “Tell me what happened.”
She fell to the couch, curled her legs under her, and let out a deep sigh. “I talked to Marissa today.”
“Okay…” He braced himself, unsure what was coming.
“She told me about the girl…that passed away.”
“Oh.” Cole feared it was something far worse, something he’d kept buried away from everyone. But even as his pulse spiked, he knew it couldn’t be. Because that was something not even Marissa knew. And he hoped she never would.
In a shaky voice, Savannah admitted to Cole that she feared it meant what was between them wasn’t real.
He’d never considered the connection, but when confronted with the information — the link was obvious. Of course what he felt for Savannah was in a whole other league, his feelings for her much more intense. Christ, he’d been sharing his home with her for months now.
“That’s all I was to you? Someone to save since you couldn’t save the last girl?” The tears flowed freely, and she curled into herself, hugging her knees to her chest.
“Savannah…that’s not…”
“I needed saving at one time, but not anymore…not now. Now I just need…” She paused, breather breathing shaky.
“Tell me.” He pulled her closer, forcing her to disentangle from her perch on the couch.
“To be loved. To be accepted.”
The deep knot that had been sitting inside his chest broke, and he drew a deep breath as though it was his first. His resolve broke away and he pulled Savannah to his chest. “Shh. It’s going to be okay. I promise you, you’re so much more to me than a lost girl to save. Maybe that’s all this was at the beginning, but not now.” It was the most he could give her. He couldn’t promise her a future or unending love and devotion. His heart was little more than a scrap of flesh in his chest. It had been obliterated and smashed into tiny pieces one too many times. And his dirty little secret — the reason he left every Sunday—was going to be the final straw that drove her away. If they declared their love for each other, it would only make their eventual falling out that much worse.
Savannah’s hot tears dampened his neck and ate away at his control. She pulled in a shaky breath at an attempt at getting her emotions under control.
“Cole. That wasn’t your fault. You need to move past it. Overcome this fear of losing someone because you couldn’t save that girl.”
A timid frown pulled at his lips. He hated how she looked at him. Like he was the one who was damaged. “God, Savannah, you should be with someone who teaches you how to live life, not someone who’s scared to live it, too.”
“So we’ll teach each other. We’ll take things one day at a time, be there, discover new passions and dreams together. We’ll hold each other at night when the fears try to creep back in.”
He looked at her with anguish. If he could give her the world, he would. But he wouldn’t have her settle. Not for him. Not when she deserved so much more. He didn’t think there was ever two people better suited for each other, but something inside him seized up and he couldn’t say the words. He couldn’t tell her everything would be okay, he couldn’t promise her forever. Not with all his baggage.
Silent tears streamed down her cheeks, and Cole wiped them away. “Don’t cry. I’ve got you. I’m right here.” He rubbed her back, and she let the tears come. Cole continued rubbing her back, murmuring soothing endearments near her ear, and most of all, he just held her and let her break down. He felt sure that her collapse was more than just from the information Marissa had shared with her. He’d been waiting for everything to hit her for some time now. And it seemed it finally had. Eventually her sobs quieted into little hiccups and Cole urged her from the crook of his neck that she’d claimed as her own.
She covered her face with her hands. “Don’t look at me. I’m hideous.”
He chuckled and removed her hands. “You’re not hideous.” Her eyes were swollen and red, her skin splotchy. “You need a tissue, maybe, but you could never be hideous.”
She smiled and playfully swatted his hands away. “I’m sorry I’m such a girl.”
He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. “Never apologize for that, babe. Trust me, I’m very glad you’re a girl.” He wiped his thumbs underneath her eyes, capturing some of the black mascara pooled there. “Go get in bed. I’ll get the tissues.”
She nodded and headed off down the hall.
Cole joined her in bed, his hands full with Cuddles tucked under one arm and a box of Kleenex in the other. “Special delivery.” He smiled, placing the over-excited puppy on the bed. She quickly bounded over to Savannah and began licking her face.
Savannah giggled and set the puppy on her chest, patting her back. “Thanks.”
Cole tucked the blankets around her. “Just get some rest, and I’ll take care of ordering dinner. Any special requests?”
She shook her head. “Anything is fine. But no pizza. Oh, and maybe some dessert.”
He chuckled. “Anything, as long as it’s not pizza and includes dessert. You got it.” He turned off the lights and left, the heavy feeling once again settling inside his chest. Seeing her reaction tonight brought resounding clarity to his Sunday excursions—he could never ever tell her about Abbie. It would break her.
***
The following morning Cole laced up his running shoes. On his way to the running trails, he passed by his SUV and caught sight of s a white piece of paper tucked under his wiper blade.
A sinking feeling in his gut told him this wasn’t an advertisement like solicitors sometimes left, blanketing all the cars. His training kicked in. He glanced around at his surroundings, but nothing was out of the ordinary. He plucked the scrap of paper and unfolded it.
You took something of mine and I will be back for her.
F*ck. Shivers crawled up his spine and his muscles tensed. He had been fearing for weeks that Dillon would reappear. He pocketed the paper and tore back up the stairs toward Savannah.
He kicked off his running shoes in the foyer, thankful that Savannah liked to sleep in on Sunday mornings. He debated what he would tell her when she woke. At least the building required a key to enter. He ran a hand through his hair. He didn’t want to alarm Savannah, but was it even safe for her to go to work tomorrow? He paced the kitchen to avoid punching the wall. He needed to get his shit together and have his game face on by the time she woke up. He pressed the heel of his hand against his heart. F*cking chest was tight again.
He made a cup of coffee and brought it to the breakfast bar with trembling hands. He was too keyed up to sit, so he stood there, sucking down sips of the too hot coffee. He wouldn’t tell Savannah. Not yet. Tomorrow he would go to work, gather anything he could find on Dillon, and he’d have Savannah do the same. He’d escort her to her car, send her to work like normal and then set about tracking this a*shole down.