CHAPTER 24
Tonight was a bad idea. Of course Cole realized that much too late. Liam, Marissa, Marissa’s good friend Kelly, and Savannah all sat around the table enjoying drinks and friendly banter. Well, everyone else was enjoying those things. Savannah’s posture was stiff, her arms crossed over her chest, and her expression was pinched.
The plan was to celebrate Savannah’s new job. Cole’s plan did not include Kelly shooting Savannah bitchy looks and rubbing his thigh under the table. Damn, couldn’t a man enjoy a beer in peace? He was already looking forward to later, just him and Savannah in the quiet solitude of home.
Savannah’s gaze lingered suspiciously on Kelly, Marissa’s very pretty blond friend, who was flirting with him ruthlessly—slowly eating the olives from her martini while her eyes remained locked on Cole’s, seductively swaying her hips when she crossed the room, leaning in close, whispering while curling her hand around his bicep.
After several minutes, Savannah excused herself, fleeing from the table as if her life depended on it.
“Excuse me.” Cole jogged after her. He caught up to Savannah at the bar, where she stood with her back to him. She stiffened when his body heat invaded her space, sensing he was near.
“Have you slept with her?” she asked, her voice small.
Shit. “Kelly?”
She turned to face him and nodded.
“Yes. A long time ago.”
“More than once?”
Cole nodded. A couple of times. Drunkenly.
Savannah turned, storming away from him. What in the world?
Cole caught up to her near the restrooms and gripped her elbow. If she thought she could escape him, she was wrong. He knew every nook and cranny of Liam’s bar, and he wasn’t opposed to going into the ladies room after her if that’s what it took. “Savannah, wait. Why are you upset?”
She drew in a shaky breath, her chest heaving with the effort.
He’d never seen her angry before, but she seemed to be having trouble keeping herself in check. “Tell me,” he commanded.
Tears swam in her eyes, but she didn’t run, didn’t try to escape again. “Can I please be around just one woman you haven’t touched? Is that too much to ask?” Her voice was full of anger, her eyes blazing on his.
“There’s Marissa.” He nodded toward his sister, who watched them wearily, like she’d been waiting for this to blow up in his face.
Savannah sighed, exasperated. “Right, Marissa — the only person you’ll share yourself with emotionally.”
Cole’s brow crinkled in confusion. “Savannah.” Her name on his lips was a broken plea. He knew it wouldn’t take much convincing before he gave into the physical, but a real emotional commitment? No. He couldn’t. “I’m sorry I can’t change the past and who I’ve slept with. I’m sorry, okay?”
“What are we doing, Cole?” Her question pushed against his carefully constructed wall. And when he met her eyes, like a crack of thunder through a vacant sky, he understood. Saw her and all her antics with new eyes. Did Savannah want him? She couldn’t. Not like that. What did she even know about being with a man? Especially a man like him? Work came first, relationships second, love maybe not at all.
Cole looked back at their table. Liam, Marissa and Kelly were all gawking at them. Shit. “Come here.” He took Savannah’s hand and pulled her further down the back hallway that led to the restrooms. It wasn’t private, but at least they wouldn’t have a table of spectators. Once it was just the two of them in the dimly lit hallway, Cole could feel the heat from her skin, smell the scent of her shampoo, and see the pulse thrumming in her neck. Maybe privacy was a bad idea.
***
They were barely out of sight, and Savannah was in his arms. She didn’t want to need him like this—to use him for her comfort—but she had little choice.
“Savannah…” He dislodged her hands from around his waist, holding her at arm’s length. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”
She hated the way her body betrayed her when Cole was near. Especially since he was so oblivious to her. She released her hold on him, clasping her hands in front of her. “I’m sorry, this is hard for me. I just hate knowing that you touched her.” She looked down, unable to meet his eyes, too nervous to see his reaction. She’d struggled all night to figure out what his motivation was. Why did he bring her home in the first place? Why plan this celebration for her?
“I’m sorry.” He sighed. “That happened before I ever knew you. It was a long time ago, and it won’t happen again.”
She swallowed a lump in her throat, trying to talk herself out of feeling so emotional, but it was no use. She wanted more from Cole. She needed more. And she had no idea how to tell him. She would have to show him. She couldn’t keep living like this.
He opened his arms, seeming to sense the shift in her mood. “Come here.”
Her heart rate kicked up and she stepped into his arms, allowing him to hold her. And all was right with the world. She closed her eyes and rested her head on his chest.
***
Why did he keep f*cking up with her? He needed to get his body in check, not allow it to react when she was near. She was soft and innocent and needing comforting — that was all. What she did not need was him getting wood every time she was in the room. Christ, what was he, seventeen? His hands smoothed over her bare arms. She was so soft, so lovely and she felt so familiar to him, molded to his body like this.
“Just take me home…” she murmured lightly, still resting her head against his chest.
He wouldn’t push her to stay out. Tonight was supposed to be about her — a celebration to show her he was proud, but he could tell it was too much too fast. She wasn’t ready. “Tell me what’s wrong first.” He struggled to keep his pulse under control and waited for her response. He knew that whatever Savannah wanted he would give her. And that f*cking terrified him.
“I want all of this, I do. My own life, a job, an apartment. I want to live, Cole. Fully live. Not have you watching me every second for signs that I’m about to lose it. Who knows, maybe I will at some point; but we all do sometimes, right?” He didn’t know if that was a jab at him, and his own nightmares. He raised his hand as if to stop her, but Savannah pushed it away, and continued. “And I need you, Cole.”
“You have me,” he murmured, bringing a hand to her waist. “You know that, right? Christ Savannah, give me a break. This is uncharted territory for me, but you have to know that I’d do anything for you. I’ll do anything to keep you safe and protected.”
“Cole…” her voice was a soft plea. “I need more than that. You must know how I feel about you…”
Her confession floored him. How had they gotten here? Then he remembered the meals she’d lovingly prepared for him, the puppy he’d brought home for her, the new wardrobe, running her bubble baths. Shit. He never intended for her to read more into it. She deserved taking care of, especially in the fragile state she’d been in.
He closed his eyes, preparing to explain to her why that could never happen, yet failing to find the words, failing to find a single reason why he shouldn’t take her home right now and strip her naked. She couldn’t possibly understand the crazy things that swirled through his head, how hard she was to resist for all these many weeks.
She stepped in closer, testing his resolve. “Please Cole.”
He could no longer deny the compelling feeling that she was supposed to be his. He felt the first pang of it when he found her in that dingy back bedroom. She was the brightest thing in that place — a light of wonder emanating from her green eyes even that day as she drank him in. And as hard as he’d fought it, every day he spent with Savannah only secured her place in his heart a little more. “If we do this… it’s on my terms, Savannah.”
She nodded, even though her eyes betrayed her confusion. But it was enough of an agreement for him. He could end it at any time. He would call the shots. “Come on.” He grabbed her hand, lacing their fingers and roughly pulled her toward the exit.
“What about…” She gestured to the table.
“I’ll text Marissa and tell her you weren’t feeling well.”
She nodded and allowed him to guide her to the door.
***
Once they were inside Cole’s bedroom, the air between them hung thick with anticipation. Though they had shared his bed for several weeks now, this felt like something else entirely. Something pre-mediated. Cole took an uneasy step toward her. The thought of taking their easy relationship somewhere new scared him, and he couldn’t say why. But when Savannah bit into her soft bottom lip and her gaze fell to his belt buckle, all coherent thoughts escaped him. He’d wanted this for too long, and now she was offering herself up to him.
He waited to see what she would do. It was the one promise he’d make himself. It would have to be her. She’d have to make the first move if she really wanted him. But then he supposed she already had. Wasn’t that what the night with Sali had been about? She watched from the doorway and when he went to her room… she’d been the one to remove her shirt, to tell him, wordlessly what she wanted. He’d listened, on some primitive level, and obeyed enough to give her what that moment required, but nothing more. He didn’t take her then. And wouldn’t now unless he knew it was exactly what she wanted.
When Savannah ventured a step closer to him and her eyes raked over his body, all self-control was lost. “I’m done, Savannah. I’m done resisting you. I’m done pretending I don’t want this.”
She whimpered softly and met his eyes. Hers were wide with fear…or curiosity, he didn’t know which. Didn’t care. He needed to be inside her.
“Take off your top,” he ordered.
Savannah lifted the shirt over her head and deposited it on the floor by her feet. She removed her bra next, letting it land by her shirt. Her chest was exquisite, just a palmful really, but creamy soft skin, and pale pink nipples he hungered to taste.
“And now the skirt.”
Her fingers fumbled with the button, and once it was free, she began thrusting it down her hips.
“Slowly,” he whispered.
Savannah caught his eyes and her movements slowed. She carefully pushed the material over her bottom and down her legs, bending at the waist while her eyes watched his.
His lips separated and he sucked in a deep breath. “Just like that, baby. Nice and slow. I’ve been waiting for this too long to rush through it.”
Once she was standing in front of him, dressed in just her panties, Cole drew her to his chest and held her there, her feminine form molding to his masculine one. He held her for moment, needing to feel the warmth of her skin pressed his against his, and the steady thump of her heartbeat against his chest. He tipped her chin up with one finger and bent to kiss her, to worship her mouth like she deserved. She parted her lips, accepting him, rubbing her tongue against his. The raw need in her kiss pushed him over the edge, and he pulled away, breathless.
“Undo my pants,” he growled between kisses.
Savannah looked down at his belt buckle like it was some foreign contraption. He lowered his head to kiss her again and felt her hands working to free the clasp, before moving on to the button on his jeans. With one hand cradling her jaw, his other reached down to assist, lowering his zipper, and pushing his jeans down his thighs. Savannah broke the kiss to look down, and he watched as she became acquainted with his erection for the first time. Still clad in black boxer briefs, he was barely contained, tenting the material rather impressively. Savannah reached down and, with a single fingertip, touched him. His dick jumped.
Her face awash with desire, she reached out to touch him again, gripping his length through the material.
F*ck. The grip of her tiny hand was a thing of magic. He fought with himself, locking his knees and struggling to keep himself in check. He wanted to yank the boxers down and let her explore, but his need to touch her first won out. He lifted her underneath her arms and placed her carefully on the bed. She let out a surprised gasp, but stayed put on the center of the bed.
Cole joined her, lying on his side. Filtered moonlight and the dim light from the hallway cast enough of a glow to watch each other. Really see each other for the first time. Knowing this moment was about to change everything between them, Cole took his time, forcing his heart rate to slow. He admired the beautiful girl in his bed. He’d spent every night with her for several weeks now, but he usually did his damnedest to avoid checking her out. Now, he didn’t hold back. His eyes raked over her skin — the soft, lovely curves of her breasts, her smooth shoulders, and the dip in her stomach that led to shapely hips. Her eyes wandered his physique too, a little smile on her lips as she looked over his torso. She placed a single hand on the center of his stomach, letting it glide up and over his pecs, then down over his abs again — but not going any lower. He could see her pulse thrumming incessantly in her neck, practically hear her erratic heartbeat in the weighty silence of the room. But she didn’t look afraid, more like curious about what would happen next.
Cole let her touch him, remaining still and silent. Chill bumps broke out over his skin as desire and need raced through his system. Her hand met the waistband of his boxers before skittering away to move back up his chest. Her palm settled over his heart, which was f*cking pounding against his ribcage. She smiled softly at him, leaving her hand to rest there as if saying, it’s okay, I feel it too.
He explored her body next. He’d resisted for too long. His fingertips traced her hip bone, her skin warm and incredibly soft. He trailed his index finger up the center of her stomach to the patch of skin between her breasts, wanting to take them in his hands, hell, wanting to take them in his mouth, but he paused, resting his palm against her chest. She met his eyes, seeking approval, seeking…assurance about how he felt. But rather than answer her unspoken question, about what this meant between them, he leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to her mouth. “Are you sure?”
Her eyes flickered open, finding his. “Yes.”
He remembered how responsive she’d been the one and only time he’d allowed himself to touch her, and couldn’t wait to see her come undone again, to watch her back arch and hear her call his name. He lifted up on one elbow and kissed Savannah deeply, their mouths fused together in a hot mass of sliding wet tongues and lips seeking…always seeking. With his mouth firmly over hers, Cole’s hand moved of its own accord, need spiking inside him strong and sure. He palmed her breasts, his thumb grazing her nipple. She inhaled sharply at the contact, but his hand continued its path south, not stopping until he was cupping the mound of sensitive flesh between her legs, his fingers pushing past her panties to brush lightly against her bare skin. Her mouth stilled on his, falling open when his fingers glided over the seam of her p-ssy, parting her to caress the sensitive nub. His fingers sought and rubbed, soft touches designed only to bring her pleasure. Her eyes remained on his, a little crease lining her forehead, like she was silently fighting with herself. Her body wanted this — she was already wet — but he could tell her mind was racing.
***
“Cole …” She gripped his wrist, preventing his hand from going any closer to the spot she wanted him.
“Savannah?” His voice was thick with desire. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have…Do you need me to stop?”
“Just give me a second…” She squeezed her eyes closed, needing to think. The first time he’d touched her, she was tipsy from the alcohol and so desperate for contact after watching the erotic scene with Sali. Jacob’s gruff voice had been decidedly absent during her first encounter with Cole. But now, stone sober, with him looking at her like he wanted to eat her alive, his hot thick erection pressing against her hip, she needed a minute to gather her thoughts. Or more aptly, to turn off the unwelcome thoughts currently swirling inside her head.
He shifted on the bed, rising up on his elbow to look down at her. “Tell me what you’re thinking.” His features were washed in pale blue moonlight and his eyes were dark with concern.
She swallowed and let out a sigh. “I don’t know. Jacob always said that men wanted only one thing from a woman—the pleasures of the flesh. And once they had what they wanted, they left. They always left.” She twisted her hands in her lap, hating her nakedness in this moment, wishing she could draw the sheet up over her chest without seeming overly uptight. “I want to…but I’m just…scared.”
He drew a deep breath, his chest lifting as his lungs expanded. “You’re afraid that’s all I want from you? Or that I’ll leave you after?”
“Both I guess…and if you don’t want me here after this, I don’t have enough for an apartment yet…”
“Savannah,” he groaned. “This isn’t all I want from you. I’ve been fighting myself constantly; I shouldn’t want this at all. I convinced myself that all I wanted and needed from you was the chance to take care of you like you deserved. To keep you safe. To help you to be happy. And then you totally shocked me. You were confident and determined when most would have been terrified. You were teaching me. You refused to crumble; you have strength where I don’t.”
“Of course that’s not true. You’re insanely strong,” she scoffed.
He glanced down and shook his head. “I promise you I’m not. But we’re getting off topic.” He clasped both of her hands between his. “What Jacob told you was bullshit. Some men are a*sholes, sure, but not all. And you have way more to offer than that bastard gave you credit for.”
She twisted her hands together, trying to process his words. If she was being completely honest, she knew her fears were about more than just what Jacob had taught her. She’d witnessed Cole’s track record with women, his casual attitude toward sex, and this wasn’t just some physical act to her. It was so much more. “It’s not just what Jacob said…I’ve met some of the women you’ve slept with, Cole. I don’t want to be part of that pattern.”
“I’m sorry, I’m not getting this right. I’m not good with feelings and declarations of emotion… but I want you here, Savannah. And we don’t have to do…this. I just like having you with me. You smell nice. You cook for me, you hum when you carry Cuddles around the house — which is the worst name ever, by the way — and after having you live here with me, I’m terrified I won’t be able to go back to living alone. So you better not go anywhere.”
She dared a glance at his eyes again. His brow was crinkled in concentration and his look was determined and sure. He was telling the truth. He felt something for her. Even if it wasn’t love…she knew it was close. And she would take it. Take him and everything he had to offer her. Realizing that Jacob was wrong, at least about this one man made her chest tight. “Cole.” The word broke across her lips. There were no words to describe how she felt in that moment.
“I’ll always want you here. And it’s not because of this…” He smoothed a hand across her naked physique, giving her a shoulder squeeze.
His words gave her the courage to continue. Jacob wouldn’t rob her of this experience. She wouldn’t let their pasts taint it. She couldn’t summon the words to tell him what she wanted, but she knew she could show him. Savannah crawled on top of Cole, settling against the length of him. His arms automatically surrounded her, pulling her to his chest and rubbing her back. Savannah could feel his erection had softened, and she feared that the moment had passed. She didn’t want to be responsible for ruining her first time. She angled her mouth up to meet his and pressed a soft kiss against his jaw, the corner of his mouth, his bottom lip. He responded slowly, carefully, tenderly kissing her back, but much more delicately than before. His fingers laced in her hair, his other hand cupped her jaw. She wanted to show him she was ready for more but didn’t know what to do, how to recapture the moment. She separated his lips with her own and felt a low rumble in the back of his throat when their tongues met. She felt his manhood thicken and stir to life beneath the fabric of his boxers.
She broke the kiss, needing more, wanting to be closer. “Cole?”
“Yeah babe?” His breathing was ragged, like he was doing everything in his power to let her go slow. Too bad she was done with slow. She bit her lip and reached a tentative hand between them as if seeking his permission. “Savannah?”
“I want you…” she murmured lightly, raking her nails along his chest. “I want to touch you.”
He groaned in relief and pushed his boxers down his hips. She moved next to him, allowing him to remove the last stitch of clothing between them. Her hand moved on its own, needing to touch the fine hair trailing down his lower stomach. His breath caught in his throat when her fingertips meant his skin and she smiled, liking the effect she had on him.
She reached lower, testing the weight of his thick length in her hand. “Cole…show me…” She breathed against his mouth.
Her eyes locked on his. The mocha-colored depths that always held the promise of protection now swirled with something much more. The promise of complete and total sexual satisfaction. Savannah knew he would own her if he so chose. And she wanted nothing more. She wanted to loose herself in Cole, to experience everything she could. To enjoy this moment like it was her last.
***
He needed to feel the warmth of her hand against his skin before he came just thinking about it. He pressed a soft kiss to Savannah’s mouth and reached for her hand. She carefully took his considerable length in her palm, as if unsure what to do with it.
“Touch me, baby,” he encouraged, guiding her hand down his manhood. He closed his fist around hers and demonstrated, drawing his hand up the length and squeezing over the head. A curse rumbled through his chest, breaking from his lips in a desperate cry.
Her hand stilled, and for a moment his own palm fluttered over hers, ready to encourage, to show her what he liked, but when he saw her uncertain gaze, he stopped himself and balled his fists at his sides instead. “It’s okay. You don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for.”
“It’s not that.” She brought her index finger to him and rubbed the drop of warm fluid at the tip without knowing how amazing that simple touch felt to him. “I want to taste you,” she murmured.
His heart kicked at her confession. The honest need in her voice was the most erotic thing Cole had ever heard. Would ever hear, he was certain. “F*ck, Savannah.” She remained stock still, her eyes still on his. “Sorry,” he muttered an apology for the curse. He never realized what a dirty mouth he had until Savannah arrived, but she didn’t seem to mind.
“It’s okay.” She smiled. She crawled down his body until she was face-to-face with his insanely hard cock jutting out in front of him, as if seeking out Savannah, begging for her attention. Determined green eyes met his. “Tell me if I do something wrong.”
He doubted that’d be happening. She could practically look at his dick at this point and he’d love it. “Don’t worry about that.” She couldn’t do anything wrong. Well, he supposed that wasn’t entirely accurate. He considered warning her to be careful of her teeth, but decided against it. He’d gently correct her if it was an issue, but until then, he’d let her explore without any fear or self-consciousness.
Savannah sat back on her heels, lifted his cock away from his body and then lowered her head. With eyes locked on his, she planted a tender kiss against the head. He was already leaking pearly fluid, and his scrotum was drawn tight against his body. He was poised and ready to explode.
She took him into the depths of her warm mouth. His hips shot forward off the bed, but she welcomed the intrusion, suckling at his most sensitive skin. “F*ck baby. Yeah. Just like that…” He stroked her jaw, pushed her hair back from her face, and palmed her cheek. He watched Savannah kiss and lick the length of him and was lost to the mind-numbing bliss of the moment.
She was so nurturing, so giving in everything she did, and pleasuring him was no exception. She left everything on the table, licking, kissing and stroking him as if her sole purpose was to please him.
Soon Savannah was clenching her thighs together and moaning for her own release, and he hadn’t even touched her yet. He pulled himself free from Savannah’s mouth and hauled her up his body. “My turn,” he explained at the surprise on her face.
Cole settled her against the pillow so she was lying next to him. He dropped a kiss to her lips, then slid his middle finger into her mouth, wetting it. She drew the digit in without question, swirling her tongue against his skin.
“We need to make sure you’re ready for me,” he explained.
She looked down at his long cock, resting heavily against her hip and then back up at him. “Will it hurt?”
“At first, yes But I’ll do my best to go slow.”
She nodded, trusting him.
When his finger slid inside her slowly, carefully, Savannah’s mouth dropped open. And when he drew it back and began f*cking her with his hand, just a little faster with each stroke, Savannah’s knees fall apart and dropped her head back against the pillow. His other hand joined the fun, rubbing slow circles against her flesh, unwilling to rush her. Soon she was soaking wet and moaning his name, and seconds later, with her head thrown back in ecstasy, she came for him. Cole planted wet kisses all along her throat, refusing to ease up until he’d milked every last ounce of pleasure from her.
After several minutes of nuzzling against her neck, and kissing her through all the small aftershocks of her release, Savannah crawled on his lap to straddle him, placing a knee on either side of his thighs.
“Cole?”
He didn’t respond. He knew what she was asking for, and unable to deny her, he reached for the side table and grabbed a condom. She watched as he put it on, her gaze flickering back and forth between his eyes and his manhood. He could read her expression as if she’d written it out. She was trying to understand where exactly he was going to fit that.
“Savannah, we don’t have to.”
Her eyes captured his. “I want to.” She planted her palms on his tense stomach muscles, and lifted herself up, trying to find the right angle.
“Come here.” Cole pulled her down onto his chest, needing to kiss her. He planted sweet kisses along her mouth and throat. He understood the gravity of this moment, of what she was giving him, and he wouldn’t rush it. Not when they were so close. She deserved to be worshipped and taken care of her first time. He would do everything in his power to make it what she deserved. “Just relax, babe. Let me.” Savannah relaxed in his arms, and Cole kissed her deeply as he reached behind her, holding himself in place until Savannah began to ease back, taking him in.
She ran her hands over his chest and closed her eyes, a look of concentration settling over her features. Then she eased down on him, lowering her hips so he sunk inside her in mind-blowing slowness. Blinding pleasure rocketed through him. F*ck, she was tight. She rocked against him, pulling him deeper in tiny increments.
“Shit….” He bit back a groan.
Savannah’s eyes widened and found his, blinking down at him. Damn she looked so innocent, he almost questioned what he was doing. Almost. But they’d gone too far to turn back now. He was inside her sweet pink p-ssy, slick with moisture and heat. He wouldn’t talk her out of this, not now.
“Everything okay?” he asked instead, needing to hear her say it was all right to continue.
She nodded, and leaned forward to kiss him, gliding her tongue against his. Pleasure shot straight to his balls, drawing them up close to his body. He held her close and punctuated each kiss by lifting his hips to ease deeper inside her.
Her soft grunts and groans matched his thrusts, eating away at his self-control. He knew he wouldn’t last long.
“Does it feel good?” he asked, slowing his pace.
Savannah opened her eyes, her bright green gaze blinking at him in wonder. “Yeah.”
Her cheeks were flushed pink and he couldn’t resist watching her enjoyment. She’d stopped moving against him and allowed him to hold her hips while he thrust up into her. Sex was a physical act, so why should he feel more? But he couldn’t deny that he’d never felt closer to anyone. Savannah broke through all his barriers. She was needy, yet giving, sensual yet innocent, trusting and timid. She’d put both their pleasure, the whole experience, in his hands and the gravity of the moment was not lost on him.
He slid in again, exquisitely slowly until he was buried deep again. Her breath hitched, catching in her throat.
“Does it hurt?”
“Only a little.”
Damn, he was hoping it didn’t, but it was to be expected. It was her first time after all. “Do you want me to come?” he breathed against her mouth.
“Yes.”
He pulled out and situated her so she was lying back against the pillows. He preferred being on top — being the one in control—and it was a sure fire way to get him to come quickly. He gripped her hips, his fingers clutching to pull her towards him with each thrust.
Her groans grew louder, less contained, and Cole found himself being more vocal than usual. “God you’re beautiful…” A few more thrusts. “Oh f*ck…”
His hand snaked between them to bring her pleasure, rubbing, circling, using their moisture to send her over the edge again, and watching her come apart again sent him tumbling along after her, cursing and gasping as her tight channel milked him dry.