Chapter NINE
Ruger’s face was completely unreadable as I approached, and for one horrible moment I thought he might not talk to me.
“Hey,” I said, feeling nervous. Seeing him should’ve pissed me off or maybe even scared me. My body didn’t get the memo, though, because standing close to him mostly turned me on. I think his scent was a big part of it—nothing got to me like that hint of sweat and gun oil. He’d taken off his shirt, leaving only jeans, boots, and his cut. His tan told me he’d spent a lot of the summer that way.
Then I caught a glimpse of that panther tat disappearing down into his pants and I shit you not, it made me feel a little light-headed. All that blood rushing downward, you know?
“Hey,” he said. I tilted my head up to look at his face, reminded once again just how much physically larger he was than me. “So, we gonna f*ck around here or just get to the point?”
“Um … Not quite sure I follow,” I admitted, still off balance. What woman would seriously be able to pay attention, confronted with a body like that? Ruger grunted, exasperated.
“You gonna follow my rules tonight?” he asked. “If not, you need to get your ass in your car and leave.”
“I’ll follow the rules,” I said slowly, eyes catching on his chin. He hadn’t shaved that morning, leaving just enough stubble to make a light burn on a girl’s skin. “On one condition.”
He raised a brow, clearly skeptical.
“And what would that be?”
“You tell me why you’re being so controlling,” I said, laying it out. The girls had been right. Either he was with me or he wasn’t, but one way or another I’d be taking charge of the situation. “Is it because you’re jealous and you want me to yourself, or because the Reapers are too dangerous?”
He studied me for a moment, his face thoughtful. Then he seemed to come to some sort of decision.
“C’mon,” he told me, and it wasn’t an invitation. He grabbed my hand and dragged me almost roughly across the courtyard, toward the large shop built against the back wall. Enclosed on three sides, the front was open to the elements, almost like a supersized carport.
Inside the air was much cooler, and it gave a sense of privacy. One half of the building held bikes in varying states of repair, including several that seemed to be little more than frames. Counters lined the back, and every tool imaginable hung from the walls. There were also some larger pieces of power equipment, including a huge drill press, a grinding wheel, and others I couldn’t begin to identify. A track had been mounted on the ceiling, with a rolling hoist hanging from it.
Filling the other side of the building were a panel truck and an old cargo van. The counters extended into that area, along with hooks for more tools. Ruger tugged me over between the van and the far wall. Despite the fact that the party continued a couple hundred feet away, we felt totally isolated. I thought about the warning I’d been given not to go off anywhere.
Did that apply to Ruger, too?
My gut instinct said I wasn’t safe with him right now … Not physically unsafe, of course. He’d never hit me. But I was pretty damned sure I’d be sorry I’d come in here with him.
Not that he’d given me much of a choice.
Ruger raised his hands, framing my face and studying me closely. He licked his lips, drawing my eyes to that ring of his once more as he stepped forward into my space, pushing me toward the van. It threw me off balance, and I stumbled. Ruger reached down and grabbed my ass, boosting me up and bracing me against the vehicle, my sex pressed to his, my breasts flat against his chest. I reached around his neck and my legs gripped his waist for balance.
“You really want me to answer your question?” Ruger asked, his voice low and matter-of-fact. “Or you want to leave the party while you still can?”
I should leave.
I knew that. But his cock was already hard against me and every bit of blood in my body raced downward, away from my brain. Self-preservation gave way to raw lust.
“I want the answer,” I whispered. Ruger smiled, and it wasn’t a nice smile. It was hungry as hell and utterly merciless, just like him.
“I’m jealous as f*ck,” he said, his voice rough. “That’s not really my thing, but it’s the truth. I don’t much like the idea of some other man touchin’ your sweet ass, and if one of them tries to stick his cock into that pretty little cunt of yours, I’m gonna cut it off. And, Soph?”
I caught my breath.
“Yes?” I answered, a thousand thoughts running through my brain. How did I feel about this? What should I say? The girls told me to lay down the law and stick to my guns. The look in Ruger’s eyes, though … That wasn’t the face of a man who was interested in respecting my limits.
Who was I kidding? I couldn’t even remember what those limits were supposed to be right now.
“I’m dead serious,” he continued, leaning his head down, scenting me. I felt it like a bolt of electricity, all the way through my body, right down to my toes. “Another man touches you, I’ll cut off his cock and feed it to him. That’s not a threat, that’s a promise. And you f*ck someone? He’s dead, Soph. Four years ago I made two serious mistakes. I didn’t protect you from Zach—I’ll regret that every day for the rest of my life. And then, because I felt guilty as f*ck, I did the right thing and let you go.”
I closed my eyes.
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“News flash, Soph,” he whispered. “It’s about f*ckin’ time we talked about it, because it’s hanging between us and I’m tired of pretending it didn’t happen.”
I started squirming, trying to twist free. Everything in me screamed to run, because he was about to take us to the bad place.
“Stop,” Ruger ordered, his voice harsh. I kept squirming, so he pushed into me harder, forcing me to still. “We’re gonna deal with it, Soph. Deal and move on, because things are gonna change for you now. My mistake wasn’t touching you that night, and it sure as shit wasn’t making you come. The mistake was doing it without taking out Zach first. If I’d known … why didn’t you tell me?”
“I really, really don’t want to talk about this,” I hissed, trying to ignore his soft breath in my ear, the hard length of his cock pushing against me. My nipples were tight and my entire body screamed for me to open to him, but deep inside my brain lurked a cloud of darkness and fear that threatened to tear free with every word.
“I should’ve killed him for what he did to you,” Ruger said, eyes full of frustrated regret. “But then he was in jail and I didn’t want to do that to Mom, so I let him live. You left and I’ve hated myself ever since. I can’t go back in time, but I sure as f*ck won’t make the same mistake twice. This time you’re not gettin’ away, Soph.”
I took a deep breath, trying to calm my hormones enough to think. Then it hit me. I should tell him the truth. If that wasn’t enough to convince him this was a lost cause, nothing would.
“It’s my fault,” I said, the familiar wave of self-disgust washing over me.
“Honey, Zach beatin’ the shit out of you was not your fault,” Ruger said, his voice like ice.
“No,” I said, looking him right in the eye. “It was my fault, Ruger. I planned it. When you starting kissing me—touching me—I knew Zach was coming over. He’d texted me, wanted to make sure I had food ready when he got there. I knew he’d catch us. He was so jealous of you, Ruger. Drove him crazy. I knew if he caught us together, he’d lose it. I wanted him to hit me hard, because then I could make it end.”
Ruger inhaled sharply.
“What the f*ck are you talking about?”
“Zach had to leave bruises,” I whispered. “I was so scared all the time, Ruger. I never knew what he’d do. Some days he was great and things were fine, like they were before Noah. Then I’d drop my guard and he’d turn on me. I tried calling the cops, but he never left marks, so they wouldn’t do anything. He told me he’d kill me if I left him.”
Ruger took a deep, ragged breath and his eyes went dark.
“When you came over that day, I saw my chance,” I admitted, disgusted with myself. “This tension—lust, whatever the hell you want to call it—it was between us by then. I felt it every time I saw you. And you were so good with Noah, always coming around, fixing my car or mowing the yard for us. I’d bring you a drink and you’d look at me like you wanted to throw me down on the ground and f*ck me until I screamed. You know what? I wanted you to do it. So I let it happen.”
Ruger gave a dark, harsh laugh that had nothing to do with humor.
“Yeah, babe, I remember that part,” he said. “Although we never did get to my happy ending, what with Zach comin’ home. You seriously telling me that was planned?”
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered, my eyes filling with tears. “I knew seeing us together would drive him crazy. I knew he’d lose it. Noah was safe at your mom’s house. So I let him catch us and have his little pissing match with you. He took off, you took off, and I waited for him to come back and punish me, like always. But this time he was finally worked up enough to leave evidence—I made damned sure of it. I told him how much better you were than him. I told him I’d been f*cking you all along. For a while I thought he might kill me, and you know what? It would’ve been worth it, just to make it end. You know the rest. He got arrested, I got my restraining order, and me and Noah were finally free.”
Rugers eyes narrowed as emotion rippled across his face. Anger. Outrage. Disgust? For a second I thought he might actually hurt me, he seemed so angry.
No, I realized. That was the difference between Ruger and Zach. Both men had tempers, but Ruger? Ruger would never hurt me.
Never. No matter what.
“He beat the shit out of you,” he whispered. “You almost died, Soph. Why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve f*cking killed him for you. You didn’t have to let it get that bad. You should’ve told me the first time he hurt you. I can’t believe this was happening and I was too f*ckin’ stupid to see it.”
“Because he’s your brother!” I said to him, tears running down my face. “Your mother loved him, Ruger. What he did to me almost destroyed her. If you’d lost it, if you’d gone after him, you’d be in jail right now and your mom would’ve died alone and miserable. What kind of hateful bitch would I be if I let that happen?”
“You could’ve gone to one of those places for women,” he said, shaking his head. “I don’t get it, Sophie.”
I gave a harsh laugh.
“Damned straight you don’t get it—it was his word against mine,” I said, willing him to understand. “I had no evidence, nothing. Sure, I could go to a shelter, but he’d still have a right to visit with Noah, maybe fight me for custody. You think I’d risk my baby alone with Zach? Nobody could help me until he took it up a notch, so I made it happen. I’m not an idiot. A woman who’s being controlled by a man can’t get shit for help unless she’s got evidence.”
“Those weren’t just bruises,” Ruger said. “Three broken ribs and a punctured lung are not bruises. And why the f*ck do you think I would’ve gone to jail, hmm? Look at me, Soph. Do you think I’m the kind of man to do time when I don’t have to? He would’ve just disappeared. Poof. Problem solved. I dare you to look me in the eye and tell me there’s one f*ckin’ reason that a man like Zachary Barrett should still be breathing, because I’m comin’ up blank. I nearly had him taken out while he was locked up, but I figured a dead guy couldn’t pay child support.”
I gasped, eyes wide.
“You’re serious?” I whispered.
“Yeah, Sophie,” he said, sounding almost tired. “I’m f*ckin’ serious. Christ, I’m the first thing Noah saw in this world. I caught him with my own hands on the side of the road, babe, and then he opened those eyes and looked right at me. From day one, I can say with a clear conscious that there is nothin’—not a f*cking thing—on this earth I wouldn’t do to protect him or you. How long?”
“What?”
“How long was Zach hurtin’ you before it all went down?”
I shook my head, looking away, trying to think.
“It wasn’t big stuff,” I said finally. “Not at first. He’d yell at me, make me feel like shit. Then he started doing it in front of Noah.”
His entire body stiffened, his jaw clenching spasmodically. I stared at his chin and forged ahead.
“I had to do something, Ruger. I couldn’t let my son grow up that way. And then you came over to help out with the water heater. I kept watching you and I died just a little bit inside, because I knew I was stuck with the wrong brother. Then you looked back at me and it all came together in my head.”
“F*ck me,” Ruger muttered, leaning his forehead down against mine. I was still wrapped around him, back against the van, enclosed in his arms and his scent. “You’re just full of surprises, now aren’t you?”
“Do you want me to move out of your basement?”
Ruger pulled back, frowning.
“I just told you I’ll kill any man who touches you and you think I want you to leave?”
“That was before I told you what I did. I used you.”
“Answer one question for me—total truth,” he said slowly. I nodded. “Was it real? Yesterday, when I kissed you, when I sucked on your tits and f*cked you with my hand? How about when I went down on you four years ago and you screamed my name? Before Zach found us and it all fell to shit. Was that fake?”
“No,” I whispered. “Aside from Noah, that’s the only part of those years I want to remember, because it was beautiful, Ruger. Whatever else happened, you gave me beautiful.”
“Well, f*ck me,” he muttered. I felt his hands tightening on my butt, his hips tilting more firmly into mine, sending twinges of desire washing through me. I’d felt safe in his arms back then and I felt safe in them now.
That’s when it hit me. I didn’t just lust after Ruger.
I loved him. I had for years.
I tightened my arms around his neck, raising myself up to brush my lips across his. He didn’t respond, so I brushed his lips again, sucking the lower one into my mouth and nibbling on it.
That set him off.
One of his hands came up, fingers twisting in my hair as he took my mouth in a long, hard kiss, tongue punishing me in a mixture of anger and desire. I couldn’t blame him for whatever he might be thinking, because I’d used him and it was wrong. My arms tightened around his neck and I tried wiggling my hips, desperate for the friction of his cock against my *. He stilled suddenly, pulling back and looking down at me, eyes burning intensely.
“Serious mistake, babe.”
My eyes widened. My body ached for him, the rough leather of his cut torturing my nipples. Every part of me yearned for his touch, which explained why my brain wasn’t working so well.
“There’s a lot of ways I could interpret that,” I said softly.
“You just admitted you’re mine,” he replied slowly. “I’ve been wonderin’ if I could take you—whether I should take you. I keep thinkin’ about Noah and whether it’s right for him, but now I get none of it matters, because you’re mine already. You’ve been mine for a hell of a long time and I just didn’t realize it.”
“I’ve worked hard to make my own life. I don’t belong to anyone.”
“How many men have you f*cked?” he asked bluntly.
“Excuse me?”
“Answer the question,” he demanded. “How many men have you f*cked? How many dicks have been in your cunt?”
“That’s none of—”
“Now would be a real good time to answer, babe,” he said, grinding into me deliberately. “Seein’ as I’m the one with the power here. This is my club. Whatever the f*ck I do to you, they’ll cover my ass. Don’t push.”
I caught my breath.
“You won’t hurt me.”
“No, I won’t hurt you. Answer the f*ckin’ question.”
“I’ve slept with three men,” I said. “Zach, a guy in Olympia, and another guy in Seattle.”
“And how was it?”
“What do you mean?”
“They make you come? You dump them or the other way around?”
“I dumped them,” I said slowly.
“That’s because you belonged to me,” Ruger said, satisfaction filling his eyes. “We f*cked around, wasted time, and you’ll never know how sorry I am about Zach. But I’m done now. You’re mine, Soph, and it’s about time we figured that out. I’ll let the club know and we’ll be finished with this bullshit.”
“Are you asking me to be your girlfriend?” I asked. “Because I don’t think anything’s changed. We can’t afford to get involved and then have it go sour. Noah deserves better than that.”
“I’m not askin’ you anything,” he said, deliberately grinding his hips against mine. I groaned out loud. What the hell was it about this man that tied me up in knots? Maybe I had some sort of primitive hardwiring running the show, attracting me to a man strong enough to care for my child …
“I’m tellin’ you,” he continued. “You’re my property, babe. I’ll take damned good care of you and Noah. You’ll take care of me. But only one cock goes into that p-ssy of yours—mine—and that’s the end of it. Got me?”
I blinked at him, confused.
“I thought you weren’t looking to settle down?”
“I’m lookin’ to take care of you and Noah,” he said. “Neither of us wants to f*ck up Noah’s life. But you know what? I’m good for Noah. It’s a fact. Boys need men in their lives and I love the crap out of him. We’ve been all twisted up in each other forever and now it’s all out in the open anyway.”
“I won’t be your whore,” I muttered. Ruger grunted, a touch of humor entering his eyes.
“Trust me, I don’t put this much time and effort into whores,” he said, his voice rueful. “Whores are nothing. You’ll be my old lady, my property. I know this is all new to you, but it’s a big f*ckin’ deal in my world.”
I turned that over in my head, which was difficult, because he leaned down and started kissing my neck, boosting me higher so he could reach. Not his usual hard and brutal invasion … No, this was slow and seductive, and then he started sucking gently and I wanted to cry, it felt so good. I squirmed against him, my hips desperate for more stimulation, but he wouldn’t give it to me. Instead he nibbled along my chin before finding new places on my neck to suck and nip.
I heard the music from the party in the background, the sounds of people laughing and talking, but here in the cool darkness of the shop it felt like our own separate world. Ruger surrounded me with his smell and strength and the sheer, vibrant energy that defined him as a man overwhelming my senses.
No one got to me like he did.
He pulled me away from the van, carrying me across the shop without pausing in his attentions to my neck. I found myself laid back on the counter behind the panel truck, Ruger’s body covering my own. My hands clutching his head as he kissed down my throat, pausing every few seconds to suck, his fingers reaching between my legs to rub slowly up and down along the inside of my thigh.
I’d worn a black T-shirt with a V-neck, which proved no barrier to him at all. Ruger tugged the shirt up and flicked open the front clasp on my bra with disturbing speed. Then his mouth sucked in my nipple—the hard metal ball in his tongue almost painful—and my back arched up off the counter.
The hand between my legs unzipped my fly, and he lifted my hips just enough to slide off my cutoffs and panties. I felt the cool metal of the counter on my bare ass as Ruger’s roughened fingers rubbed up and down along my *.
“Holy shit, that feels good,” I muttered, trying to wrap my brain around everything he’d said. This wasn’t the plan, not even a little bit. For one, I hadn’t planned on unpacking and sharing all that old baggage about Zach. Not now, not ever. The girls had told me to confront Ruger directly, set out my requirements and then stand up for myself.
Instead he gave the orders and I melted like a damned puddle all over a dirty bench in a shop.
What if someone walked in on us?
I’d opened my mouth to protest when Ruger pulled away from my breast, shoving his fingers into me hard at the same time. He dropped to his knees, lips finding my *, and my brain shorted out completely.
His tongue flicked over my most sensitive spot, teasing me with the unholy combination of his soft tongue and that hard metal ball. Throw in the steady suction of his mouth and it was nearly enough to send me over the edge. Then his finger pressed deep, finding that perfect spot on my inside wall, sending shudders racking through my body. He kept up a steady pressure, rubbing back and forth as his tongue drove me slowly insane.
Then Ruger pulled away long enough to say, “Play with your tits.”
It didn’t occur to me to argue.
I moaned and reached up, taking my nipples and rolling them between my fingers, pinching and tugging like he’d done the morning before. I’d held out against him then—I’d put Noah first, because any relationship between me and Ruger would be a disaster, and the fallout could leave us homeless again.
This time I wasn’t strong enough to say no.
There’s only so much self-control any woman can call upon before she melts. Mine was officially used up. Those fingers of his, rubbing across my G-spot, placing a strange, terrible pressure on me from within … That flicking tongue with its hard little knob … The strength of his shoulders as they supported my draped knees …
I wanted to squirm and kick and push against him. Instead, Ruger took his free hand and held it down across my stomach, controlling me. He drew me to the brink three times, utterly sadistic, and I hated him when he pulled away to catch his breath. Then I heard voices in the distance and reality broke through my haze.
There were people around—lots of people.
People who could walk into this shop at any minute. It didn’t even have a door. I opened my mouth to tell Ruger we needed to stop, but he chose that exact instant to suck me in again, hard, plunging his fingers deep. Instead of protesting, I felt my back arch as I exploded in a deep climax, trying my hardest not to scream, with mixed results.
Ruger stood up slowly between my legs, running his hands along my body, from my breasts to my thighs, eyes full of dark satisfaction. I lay there, almost dizzy as he leaned over and caught my hands. He pulled them tightly over my head, whipping out his belt and wrapping it quickly around my wrists, securing them to something behind me.
The whole process took about thirty seconds—Ruger was a little too proficient at tying someone up for my comfort. I tugged my wrists, realizing it wasn’t just for show. He had me. Completely. My eyes widened. Ruger gave me a hard, feral smile as he unzipped his fly.
“Yeah, you’re mine now,” he muttered. “Don’t come until I say you can.”
I heard more voices, turning my head to look for them. Were they in the shop? I opened my mouth to protest, but Ruger reached up and put a finger over my mouth.
“Don’t start with me, Soph,” he said, his voice low and merciless. His hands reached down between us and then I felt the head of his cock rubbing up and down along my *, slow and deadly. Holy shit. Kimber hadn’t been lying—there was definitely something metal down there and it felt f*cking fantastic.
Given that I’d already come, you’d think Ruger would be in rougher shape than me. Instead I found myself super-sensitized. If I’d thought his fingers felt good, they had nothing on his cock sliding along my *. He teased me until I hovered right at the edge again, eyes fixed on the hoist hanging from the ceiling. Then he leaned down, sucking my nipple in so hard it almost hurt, and sensation burst through me. I tried to wiggle my sex against his cock, but he held me pinned and immobile.
“You don’t come until I say,” he repeated, letting my nipple slide free, giving it a quick lick. “We clear?”
I nodded.
“Look at me,” Ruger demanded. I did, finding his face full of grim satisfaction. He slid his cock up and down my * again, one, two, three times. I grew wetter with every pass and for the life of me I couldn’t remember why I’d been against this.
Then he centered his cock on my opening and pushed it in.