And as the days to graduation ticked closer, the more sick I felt.
I wanted to tell Riley about my dilemma, but I couldn’t bear to say the words. I couldn't admit to him that it was a difficult decision.
Just the thought of leaving him brought me to tears. I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, couldn't study.
I’d look at my notebook, where I’d doodled Mrs. Riley Johnson across the top and start crying.
Riley consumed me. I’d never been in love like that before. Never loved someone so much. Never felt so much happiness. And, in my inexperience, I didn't understand that a love like that isn't replaceable. That if I left him, I'd never truly be happy again. Of course, I hoped he’d read my note and understand why I had to go to Princeton. But he never got my note. And I didn’t realize it until it was too late.
If there’s one moment in my life I wish I could take back and do over, it’s the moment I told him I was going to Princeton.
I tried to forget Riley.
I tried to move on, but spent most of my summer in tears.
If it weren't for Collin, I don't know that I would have made it. He was there. Told me everything I needed to hear and made me believe I did the right thing.
But I'd still cry myself to sleep. The ache in my heart so deep.
About six months later, I looked up Riley’s profile. His cover photo was all of them on the beach. Aiden and Keatyn, Brooklyn and his girlfriend, Maggie and Logan, Dallas and RiAnne, and Riley with his arm wrapped around a gorgeous blonde in a skimpy bikini. His profile picture was him under the Hollywood sign, wearing sunglasses and holding his arms out wide—like he had made it. He looked happy. He was fine without me. I started to wonder if my dad was right. If we wouldn’t have lasted anyway.
The next day I told Collin we could make it official. I would be his girlfriend.
But then when my wedding came . . .
“Ariela? Is that you?” I hear Riley’s voice.
“What are you doing here?”
“What are you doing here?” he asks me.
“I’m remembering, Riley.”
“Me too,” he says somberly. “I’m sorry.”
“You're sorry?”
“Yeah. Looking back, there are a lot of things I should have done differently. I shouldn't have expected you to give up your dream of going to Princeton. I shouldn't have assumed you could just ditch your family —go against their wishes—to come with me. I was cocky and selfish. But god, Ariela, I loved you. All I could think about was being with you. Always. I thought we'd get married and live happily ever after. It all caught me so off guard. If you would've just talked to me.”
“I tried.”
“That’s the thing, Ariela. I don’t remember you trying. Did I just not want to hear it? Did I dismiss it?”
“No, I couldn’t do it. Couldn't even bring myself to say it.”
“I knew something was bothering you. I asked you if you were okay. You weren't eating.”
“I was a wreck inside. I was overwhelmed.”
“And I thought I had everything figured out.”
I smile at him and chuckle. “You've never lacked for confidence, Riley.”
“I didn’t tell you the complete truth before when you asked why I’m here. I’m not just remembering, Ariela. I think I'm healing.”
“You are? How? I thought I'd come here and get closure, but I'm not. It's not closing anything. It’s like it’s opening me back up. My heart. My mistakes. It all feels so fresh here.”
“And painful,” he says.
“Yes.”
He opens his arms and I fall into them.
He holds me close and whispers, “How long have you been here?”
“About an hour.”
“Where else have you been?”
“Just here, Riley. This is the first place I came. It’s where we'd dream. Remember how we’d lay on a blanket, look at the stars, and plan our future? The future I ruined.”
“I got here last night. The first place I went was the spot under the tree outside the auditorium.”
Tears fill my eyes. “Oh, Riley.”
“Yeah. But then we went to the game. And there was this cheerleader who had the number twelve on her face. And then, I don't know, something changed. I started remembering all the fun we had. Not just you and me, but all of us. At Stockton’s. At lunch. At The Cave. Dances. I had turned off all the good memories because they were too painful. But here, I was overloaded with them. Everywhere I turned, a memory. And tonight I realized something. It wasn't just your fault. So I’m letting it all go. I forgive you, Ariela.”
I grab his shirt and start sobbing.
Sobbing like I did the second I got in the car. Where he couldn't see me. I cried harder than I ever have in my life.
Riley holds me tighter, and when I feel his chest heave, I know he's crying too.
After a few minutes he kisses the top of my head then pushes up my chin.
“You know what you need, Ariela Ross? A trip down memory lane. Come with me and let’s remember the good stuff.”
“Then what?”
“Then, we're going to party at Stockton’s like old times. Keatyn wants me to see our class gifts.”