Chapter Twenty-One – Megan
So I’m not cut out to be a fisherwoman.
That’s fine. I’m not particularly fond of the worms anyway… Or the shrimps. Worms are meant for gardens, and shrimps are made for eating. If you wanna catch ‘em or fish with ‘em, that’s cool. I just won’t do it.
Although I might just be tempted if Aston pressed himself up against me the way he did today…
Even in the cold sea breeze, I still felt like my body was on fire when he was behind me. I was so aware of him and the slightest movement of his body I don’t think I actually learned a freakin’ thing about fishing. All I could think about was his fingers playing with my jeans pockets and his lips ghosting along my neck. Add in the warmth of his breath across my goose pimple covered skin, and I’m ready to melt against him right now at the mere thought.
Now, back in his room after eating the salmon his Gramps caught, Aston’s hands ease up my thighs and his thumbs brush along the inner side. I look into his gray eyes as he leans into me and runs his nose down mine.
“You didn’t need to do that today,” he mutters as his fingers probe their way round to my ass.
“I know, but I wanted to. You guys loved it.”
“It was made better by you being there.” His nose nudges at my jaw, causing my head to tilt back.
“You were pressed up against my body for most of it.” I run my fingers through his hair and he presses open-mouth kisses along my shoulder. “I’m sure it was better than normal.”
“It was. Much better.”
He dips his tongue in the hollow of my collarbone, my shirt catching as he moves his hands up my back. I turn my head and kiss his neck, resting my cheek against his shoulder. He breathes out heavily, shuddering slightly, and I recognize that movement. I hold him tighter and press my face into him.
“You don’t have to leave, do you?” his voice is small, vulnerable.
I shake my head. “No,” I whisper. “I’ll stay as long as you need me to.”
And I mean it. If he needed me to stay forever, right here in his arms, I would.
“Good.”
His fingers dig into my back and his jaw clenches, his whole body going rigid. I slowly smooth my hands across his back, slipping them under his shirt. His muscles are solid beneath my fingers, rock solid. Aston’s breathing goes shallow and his grip on me tightens as he tries to control the shaking of his hands.
I feel the burn of tears as I sit here, completely powerless to stop whatever is going through his mind. He could be remembering anything, any horror, and there’s no way I can stop it. I’ve been here so many times already and it’s ripped my heart apart each and every time.
But I won’t leave. Love is stronger than hate.
Whatever hate is locked inside his body and whatever hate is burned into his mind, I know that our love can push it out. I believe in the power it gives us.
And that’s why I will break my heart over and over again.
I will break my heart to heal his.
“Don’t go.” The words are a muffled, desperate plea into my hair.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I promise him. “I’m right here. I’ll be here as long as you need me.”
“I hate…”
“You’re safe.” My voice is soft yet firm, my hand moving to the back of his head as I fight through the tears threatening to spill from my eyes. “You’re safe here with me.”
His body twitches and he relaxes suddenly, his breathing broken and harsh. “Megan.”
“I’m here.” I stop my hands from shaking and my chest from heaving as I carry on fighting the tears. “I’m always here.”
“Don’t go. Please don’t ever go.” His voice is so small, barely even there, yet to me it seems like he’s screaming. I feel each word slicing into me, and a tear escapes my eye despite my best efforts.
“I’m staying. I promise. I’m not going anywhere.” I stroke the back of his head.
“I remember. Fishing with Gramps and Gran. I was four – it was just before she died. It’s patchy. One of the last of her. She was wrapped in her favorite blanket on the boat. Gramps didn’t want her to go and she told him to shut up. She wasn’t going to miss it. She loved coming on the boat. She’s the only person that ever came with us.”
Apart from me. His gramps accepted me so readily. Let me go on a trip that was reserved for them only – and his wife before she died. I squeeze my eyes shut.
“But then I went home. Took a fish. Mom was there. When Gramps left, she told me to put the fish in the freezer because she had to go to work, and I’d have to have toast because that was all she had. She went to work. I dropped the toast she’d made, the plate smashed and he was angry. He was so f*cking angry. He grabbed me by the back of my tee shirt and shoved me into the wall. My face smacked into it. The bastard broke my nose. Over a f*cking plate!”
He tries to push away from me, and I hold him tighter.
“Megs-”
“No.”
He rips his head from my grip and stares at me, his eyes hard and cold. I wrap my legs around his, pinning him to me, and cup his face.
“I’m not letting you go.”
“I’m not f*cking asking you, Megan.”
“I’m not asking you, either,” I respond, keeping his eyes fixed on mine. “I’m here, Aston. I’m right here in front of you.”
“I-”
And I realize. He’s scared.
He’s scared of being the man he was told he would be.
“You’re not him!” I cry into his face. “Any of them. You’re more than that. You’re not them,” I finish softer.
“You… I... Don’t.”
“I love you.”
He closes his eyes tightly, breathing harshly through his nose, and shakes his head.
“Yes. I love you. Every broken, mismatched piece of you. I love every single freaking piece of you, even when you feel this way, and that isn’t gonna change. You can be angry, afraid, sad, and I’ll still love you the same way I love you when you’re happy. Listen to it and believe it, Aston. I love every part of you the way you love every part of me.”
His arms shoot around my waist and he lies me down on the bed, tucking me into his chest and locking our legs together. His body shakes as he holds me against him. I tilt my head back and stroke my thumb down the side of his face to his jaw, brushing his lips. My fingers smooth over his closed eyes, and I press my lips against his softly.
“I’m here, Aston, and I’m not leaving you. Don’t push me away anymore. We’re past that now. I know all of you and you can’t change that.”
“I’m scared that one day… One day I will be the person they tried to make me. Don’t you get that? I’m scared… I’ll hurt you one day. I’m so f*cking scared.”
“You won’t.”
His eyes shoot open, locking onto mine with a desperation for answers. “You don’t know that.”
“You love me,” I say simply. “You have what they didn’t. You have love. We have love. Every time you feel that hate, think of me and I’ll give you love. Always.”
He doesn’t move, his eyes never flickering away, his grip never wavering. The only movement in his body is the rising and falling of his chest as he regains control of his breathing. I run my thumb under his eye and across his cheek again, as if I can wipe away the pain he feels.
A long, pain-filled breath leaves between his lips, and he presses his face to mine, his eyes clearing.
“And this is why I need you,” he whispers. “It could be pitch black and you’d still break through with your light.”
“You need my love, not me. I’m just the person that gives it to you. I might be your light, but unless you wanted me to, no matter how hard I tried, I wouldn’t be able to break through the darkness. You’re the one that makes it better. I just help.”
He shakes his head, and I nod.
“I give you the light. It’s up to you whether or not you let it break through.”
“It doesn’t make sense.”
“What doesn’t?”
“Why you love me.”
“There’s no logic to love. It just is.” I push his hair from his face. “Just like us. We just are.”
~
Everything is easier when a secret is out. Now, I don’t have to worry about looking at Aston wrong or saying something wrong. I don’t have to watch my every movement, bite my tongue or clench my fists so I don’t touch him.
And I love it.
I love that we can just be.
I don’t care about the whispers from people outside our circle of friends, the ones who don’t know the truth, and I don’t care about the looks that come from other girls.
I just care that I can fall into his arms when I find him standing outside my classroom, just like he is now.
“Shakespeare hasn’t killed you yet, then,” he says as he smiles at me, taking my hand.
I look over at him. “No, not yet, but there’s every possibility of it in the future.”
“Not a damn chance.”
“How do you know? Have you ever read act after act of Shakespeare?”
“Because I’d revive you before you completely died.”
“And just how would you do that?”
He tugs me out the door and catches me against his body. “A bit like this.” He grins and presses his lips to mine hotly, capturing me in a kiss that would most definitely revive me if I was dying.
Hell, I think it would revive me if I was freakin’ dead.
“Think that would work?” he mutters, a smug grin on his face.
“Yup,” I mutter back, slightly dazed.
He laughs, keeping his arm locked around my waist, and steers me in the direction of Starbucks. I snuggle into his side, sighing happily. It’s strange to think that a month ago we were constantly bickering.
We order coffee and take a seat by the window.
“I guess you’ll be going home this weekend. For Thanksgiving?”
I look at him and shrug. “I guess so.”
“You don’t sound happy about it.”
I’m not.
“I guess it’s the thought of having my mom looking over my shoulder every five minutes. I’ve had freedom for the last three months. Plus we usually do a thing with Braden’s family, but he won’t be there this year.” I stir my coffee. “I’m pretty sure it’s gonna suck without him.”
“He isn’t going home?”
I shake my head. “He’s taking Maddie back to Brooklyn. She doesn’t know yet. She thinks they’re going to his parents’.”
Aston smirks. “He’s sneaky.”
“He always has been.” I smile. “But his sneakiness means I have to suffer through dinner alone.” I sigh.
“Sounds like fun.”
“You could always come suffer with me, you know,” I offer. “Mom would love that.” Once I’ve told her about us.
“I dunno.” He pauses, taking my hand. “I don’t wanna leave Gramps alone.”
“You don’t have to. My Nan will be there and she’s about as normal as a straight-sided circle.” Aston snorts at my description. “They’d get along like a house on fire. She’d probably talk him into going to Bingo with her on the Friday night. And she smokes like a train.” I roll my eyes.
“Perfect match,” he says dryly. “And your Granddad?”
“He died in the Vietnam War. He was in the air force and got shot down. I never knew him so it’s kinda hard to be sad about it. My other grandparents – Dad’s parents – moved to Canada when they retired.”
“Canada?” Aston raises an eyebrow. “Isn’t that kind of an odd place to retire to?” A small smile creeps onto his face.
“Yes… But I never said they were normal.” I grin. “I thought they might have gone to, oh, I dunno, the Bahamas or something. Even moved from Colorado to Cali to be closer to Dad since he moved here to be with Mom after college, but nope. They went to freaking Canada, and we’re expected to pack up and go there every winter.” I shiver. “It’s so damn cold in Canada.”
“You really are a Cali princess.” He laughs.
“So I grew up in SoCal. Don’t shoot me for liking the sun.”
“You definitely grew up on the right side of California.”
“That’s why you and your Gramps should come with. He can go into cahoots with Nan and cause trouble, Mom can entertain the way she loves so much, and me and you can disappear the whole weekend.” I shrug. “Sounds good to me.”
“I dunno. I’ll have to talk to Gramps.”
“What would you normally do?”
“Uh…” Aston scratches the back of his neck, and my lips twitch in amusement. “Eat take-out, watch crap television and drink beer.”
I giggle. “Okay, you’re definitely coming with me.”
~
“That was traumatic.” I drop onto the sofa next to Braden, shaking my head. He grins, and I know exactly what he’s about to say.
“She took it well, then?”
“You could say that,” I deadpan. “‘You have a boyfriend?’ A real boyfriend? Oh, Megan, that’s wonderful! Although, I do hope you’re using protection. We’ve had this discussion before, and you need an education, house, and job before you get yourself pregnant.’” I shake my head as if it’ll clear the headache brought on by my mom’s insistence of me not getting pregnant at a young age.
“She just cares.”
“Oh, I know. I love that she cares so much, but there’s really no need to bring it up in every conversation we have. We only spoke ten or so days ago. I’m not that forgetful.”
“She means well.”
“Yeah?” I raise an eyebrow at him. “Then why can’t you stop laughing?”
He shrugs and tries to stop his laughter. “I’m sorry, Meggy. I’m just secretly wishing I could see this meet the parents episode.”
“Oh, it’s meet the grandparents, too. Not doing anything by half.”
“Start as you mean to go on.” He grins. “Oh, man. I’m gonna have to call Mom three time a day for updates. How much are we betting your mom sits Aston down and gives him the pregnancy chat?”
My eyes widen and I look at him in panic. “She wouldn’t.”
Braden grins widely, amusement dancing in his eyes. “Oh, I can almost guarantee she will.”
I grab a throw pillow, bury my face into it, and groan. “This is going to be a disaster.”