He is looking at me but appears to be a million miles away. I rub my finger soothingly on his cheek, bringing his focus back to me. Clearing his throat, he finally answers. “I’ve done it before. There was a time when I thought all I had to do was believe and things would work out. In the end, that belief forever damaged everyone involved. I just…don’t know if I can risk that again. I barely survived it the first time.”
I am unable to stop the tear that breaks free and slides down my cheek. I should end the questions now, but I don’t…I need one more answer. “Where does that leave us then?”
He kisses me gently, tracing my quivering lips with the tip of his tongue. “I don’t know,” he groans against my mouth. “I’m trying, baby; don’t give up on me yet.”
Wrapping myself around him, I give in to all the feelings he invokes in me. “I’m here,” I assure him, knowing that no matter how terrified I am of losing him in the end, I can’t walk away. He is right; we have been helpless to stay away from each other from the beginning.
Lucian is the type of man any woman would want, but he is so much more than what most see on the outside. The thing that draws me in the most is the troubled man I see glimpses of behind the polished exterior. His words tonight hint at the past tragedy that continues to haunt him even now. I want to push him to tell me everything, but I don’t; we both need the peace of communicating without words for a while. I stand, holding my hand out to him. He looks heartbreakingly grateful that I’m still here with him in the moment.
He takes my hand, and we walk to the bedroom. That night, for the first time, we make love. We have had sex many times, but tonight is vastly different from the other times. I feel cherished as he worships every inch of my body with his hands and mouth. No words of love are spoken, but the room is electric with emotion as we come together time and again. Dawn is chasing away the night when we finally collapse into each other’s arms, exhausted and content.
Chapter Sixteen
Lucian
I jerk awake, grabbing my throat as I choke. Next to me, Lia stirs but doesn’t wake. My heart is hammering and fear still clutches my insides. Fuck, one night of not self-medicating and I’m right back in Hell. I ease from the bed, careful to make as little noise as possible. Safely inside the bathroom, I go straight to the shaving kit tucked against the back of the cabinet, under the sink, and pull it out. My hands automatically lay out the small mirror and white vial. In less time than it would have taken to find a bottle of Tylenol, I’ve made two perfectly straight lines of white powder and rolled up a dollar bill into a tight, straw-like shape. A couple of snorts later, I repack the bag, tucking it once again securely out of sight.
The coveted feeling of calm races through my veins, and I’m once again unshakable. The nightmare is fading away, and my world is returning to the upright position. When a knock sounds at the door behind me, I jump guiltily. “Yeah, baby?” I call through the wood as I quickly wash my hands and scan the sink counter to make sure no evidence is left behind.
“Just making sure you are okay. I thought I heard you yell.” I cringe at her words, remembering my shout of relief as the cocaine had made its way into my system. If she knew my whole story, she of all people would probably understand my need for relief, but fuck, I don’t want her to know I’m using. I love that she looks to me for protection, and I’ll be damned if I want to seem like less in her eyes. I am just another messed-up person who needs a crutch to deal with his problems, but she doesn’t know that, and I want to keep it that way for as long as I can.
“Sorry, baby. Just…kicked the cabinet with my toe. Hurt like hell.” I wait another moment for the guilt of the lie to leave my face before opening the door to find her standing there. She has slipped on my shirt and as sexy as she is naked, she looks even better wearing my things.
We had spent a peaceful weekend together. After her ordeal in court on Friday, we decided to lay low for a few days. We spent Saturday exploring Biltmore Village, and Sunday we had returned to my house for lunch with Aunt Fae and a more PG-rated swim in the pool. It’s early Monday morning now, and we have a few hours remaining before either of us has to start the day.
Max let me know on Friday that Lia’s stepfather would remain in jail for the weekend but would possibly be released at some point today. I have given her strict instructions that she is to go nowhere without Sam. I will drive myself to the office this week so she can have my car at her disposal. Sam will take her to school and pick her up afterwards. I wanted her to take a week off, but she is in the middle of finals and refused.