“Be careful,” he says as I shut my door. I give him a half-hearted wave and back out of the space. When I pull onto the road, he is still standing where I left him, looking down toward the ground with his hands in his pockets. He looks like a little boy at that moment, and I wonder what has happened in his past to make him shut down so quickly. With so many issues of my own, I find it hard to believe that I have developed some sort of dysfunctional relationship with a man who is also chasing demons. Damn, couldn’t I have found a Jake? Someone who treats me well, doesn’t have baggage, and does all the normal, uncomplicated boyfriend things? There is one thing I know for sure: if I do hear from Lucian again and continue down this unknown road, things will never be normal because we are both fucked-up. Even knowing that, I will be waiting, praying I hear from him again.
Rose texts me just as I’m parking my car near our apartment; she is around the corner at Starbucks and wants me to meet her there. My fingers have already tapped out an excuse when I think better of it. Tonight, I need a friend, and I think it’s time to tell her what’s been going on with Lucian. She has more experience with men than I do, and I could use the advice. I let her know I’m on my way and in moments, I enter the campus Starbucks and see her waving from the back. “I know it’s doing nothing but putting extra fat on our asses, but we are having a frappe tonight instead of the usual low-calorie shit.”
“Amen,” I say as I grab the frappe and drink enough to cause a brain freeze. “Boy, I needed that,” I sigh gratefully.
“A drink and a smoke would probably be better, but you gotta work with what you have.” I study Rose, noting my normally-unflappable friend looks disheveled. She is even chewing her nails which is a no-no for someone who pays a small fortune for regular manicures. Have I been wrong about Jake being the perfect boyfriend?
“So…what’s got you committing death by frozen drink? Is everything okay with Jake?” When she actually blushes, I’m dying to know what has happened.
Even though it kills me, I give her a few minutes to fidget before she finally blurts out, “Jake wants to try anal sex!” Wow, I wasn’t expecting that at all. First, I’m rather surprised Rose is so appalled, since she seems pretty free where their sex life is concerned. Second, I never pictured Jake being that adventurous. It’s not really the conversation so much as the position of the players that throws me; I can totally picture Rose trying to pressure Jake into it.
“Hmmm, okay…and you aren’t into it?” She looks at me, surprised by my reaction. She seems to expect me to fall to the ground, shrieking in horror. While I’ve never had anal sex, nor have any desire to, it’s just a minor blip on my radar. When you were raised in a living hell, consenting sex between couples is minor and not a big deal. Jake, at least, cares for her enough to talk to her about it first instead of trying to force her; at least, I think so. “Did he try to make you do it or just let you know he was interested?”
I am relieved to hear her say, “Duh, Jake would never do something like that. He just…wants to give it a try. I guess some of those shithead jocks he hangs out with have all been bragging about how great it is. Now he seems to believe he is missing out on something.”
Taking her hand, I say honestly, “If you don’t want to try then just tell him. Jake cares about you and even though it might be something he wants, he will understand if you don’t.”
She gives me a curious look, asking, “Would you do it?” Before I can plead ignorance, she spells it out, “If a guy wanted to have anal sex with you, would you do it?”
I’m blushing; I can feel the heat rushing up my cheeks. “I…don’t know…maybe. It depends on the person and I guess whether I really trusted them.”
“You bitch!” I almost jump out of my chair. People near us stare as she yells, “You had sex again and didn’t tell me!”
Slinking lower in my seat, I hiss, “Why don’t you say it louder, I don’t think the people on the sidewalk heard you!”
“Fuck-sticks,” she says in a lower voice. “I knew something was going on with you. It’s the God, isn’t it? You’ve been all over the place since you went out with him.” In true Rose-style, she jumps quickly to the hard stuff. “How is he? Does he fuck as good as he looks? Does he have a big cock? Is he into kink? Oh, shit, did you do anal with him? Is that why you are on Jake’s side?”
Wishing the floor would swallow me up, seems to be getting me nowhere. I close my eyes, but when I open them again, she is still sitting there looking like a rabid dog. There is no way she is letting me off the hook until I answer her questions. So, I take them from the top, saying, “Good, yes, oh yes, maybe, and no.” It takes her a moment to match my answers with her questions, and I see the moment she does.
“Oh, yummy, he is hung. You lucky thing. Jake has a big one, too, but it’s not huge. So, like, do you two do normal-couple stuff or just have sex?”
“I’ve known the man less than two weeks, so there is no couple involved. We have gone out to dinner, if that counts.”
Her smile widens as she says, “So, let me get this straight: my mostly-virginal friend is having a fuckionship?”
“A what?” I sputter out.